Christmas guilt :(

Primrose

It's fine to do your own thing at Christmas but just remember that one day your parents won,t be around any more, or one of them might not be and you might be glad that you,d made the effort to,spend just one more festive season with them instead of a January visit.

Mojisola

Primrose wrote: »

It's fine to do your own thing at Christmas but just remember that one day your parents won,t be around any more, or one of them might not be and you might be glad that you,d made the effort to,spend just one more festive season with them instead of a January visit.

Just the right message to send someone who is already being pressurised by work colleagues into feeling guilty! No parents would ever get a Christmas to themselves if everyone followed this advice.

What if the parents' parents are still alive? Shouldn't the parents be spending the day with them?

As long as the family see each other and keep in contact, why does meeting up on one day rather than another make you a bad person?

ozma83

Mojisola wrote: »

Just the right message to send someone who is already being pressurised by work colleagues into feeling guilty! No parents would ever get a Christmas to themselves if everyone followed this advice.

What if the parents' parents are still alive? Shouldn't the parents be spending the day with them?

As long as the family see each other and keep in contact, why does meeting up on one day rather than another make you a bad person?

Thanks Mojisola...

Primrose, that's exactly the thought that plays havoc in my head and makes me depressed!

Amber_Sunshine

I never go back to the UK for Christmas. I'd rather go at a cheaper, less busy, warmer time of year. The message that I don't do Christmas got through a long time ago. My family know that I want to see them - just not then!

Netwizard

Christmas is entirely overrated in my opinion. People put far too much pressure on themselves to have the perfect day, perfect dinner, have parents / family over for the perfect gathering and all that generally happens is that everything is rushed, dinner is burnt, and the relatives either fall asleep or fall out with each other!

I hate all the forced crap. I hate the fact that Christmas starts in September, so by the time we get to December, everyone is sick to the back teeth of it.

There is already someone in our office kicking off about not being able to have Christmas off to visit family. This person never visits family at any other time of the year, but always stresses it must be done at Christmas.

I've worked every Christmas for the past 9 years. It doesn't bother me. Its just another day, and I see it as a way of earning some very easy extra money. This year, i'm working nights over Christmas, so the day will be like any other. Get home, have some cereal and a cuppa, get my head down until late on in the afternoon / evening. Quick lite bite to eat, shower, shave and back to work.

Everyone seems to think this is rather sad (especially since the family are going away for xmas and i'll be on my own) but it doesn't bother me.

While everyone else is falling out and in massive debt from all the shopping, I will be enjoying piece and quiet at home, and gorging myself on all the chocolate in the office at night

Mojisola

Primrose wrote: »

It's fine to do your own thing at Christmas but just remember that one day your parents won,t be around any more, or one of them might not be and you might be glad that you,d made the effort to,spend just one more festive season with them instead of a January visit.

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

I never go back to the UK for Christmas. I'd rather go at a cheaper, less busy, warmer time of year. The message that I don't do Christmas got through a long time ago. My family know that I want to see them - just not then!

Exactly, Amber! I hate the emotional blackmail such as Primrose describes.

People live and die - if all of us had felt we had to be with our parents (and they had to be with their parents, and our children had to be with us) every Christmas, every birthday, every wedding anniversary, none of us would ever be able to get on with our lives.

It's the quality of contact you have with other people that makes relationships, not whether you see them on one particular day of the year.

If the only contact is by regular phone calls, that can be a better relationship than someone who breezes in a couple of times a year on "special" days.

margaretclare

I completely agree with Netwizard above. DH and I do our own thing, the only difference being that we do go to church.

We used to belong to the local Methodist church, but always opted-out of the Christmas morning service because it had become - supposedly to encourage the younger members - a sort of 'show-and-tell' as in 'what did you get?' It got a bit ridiculous really, the young ones with toy guns and tanks, the older people with their Rudolf socks. We now go to a CofE church with a very dynamic vicar, and I know we're to have a service of lessons and carols. Christmas, in the church sense, doesn't even start that early. It's not even Advent yet!

catkins

meritaten wrote: »

for the same reason I wouldn't go out to eat on Christmas day! I think its awful that staff are forced to work on what should be a 'holiday'. It is ok to say 'oh go out to eat - but doesn't anyone think that those chefs, wait or bar staff wouldn't prefer to be at home with family? rather than 'waiting' on you?
When I was young 'Nothing' was open on Christmas day! you didn't expect it to be. I am yearly expecting it to become 'just another shopping day'! as some 'chains' such as 'Spar' are open.

I would never go out to eat on Christmas Day, partly because I think is unfair that people have to work that day (I wonder how many of them get a choice) but mainly because the food just not compare to what you can cook yourself. A roast dinner out is never that nice.

OP, you should do want you want to do. I find this thread quite sad because there are quite a few people saying they have family round or go to family because it is meant to be the done thing but they are not happy.

I am one of those people that love Christmas, as do all my family. I am late 50's now and have never had a Christmas away from my family. I lived abroad for a while but made sure I always came home for Christmas. We used to spend it at my parents but as they got older and it was hard work, we started going to my sister's house. We now number 16, my sister and brother, their partners, our parents, my OH, my nieces and nephews and their partners. I do the cooking and I love it all.

We have present opening which lasts a couple of hours and then all play games into the early hours of Boxing Day. I think I am lucky that all my family love Christmas. Our nieces and nephews still choose to come every year which I think is lovely.

Some people have said me and OH are selfish because we have spent every Christmas with my family. We don't get on with his so why would we want to be miserable on that day?

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

Exactly, Amber! I hate the emotional blackmail such as Primrose describes.

People live and die - if all of us had felt we had to be with our parents (and they had to be with their parents, and our children had to be with us) every Christmas, every birthday, every wedding anniversary, none of us would ever be able to get on with our lives.

It's the quality of contact you have with other people that makes relationships, not whether you see them on one particular day of the year.

If the only contact is by regular phone calls, that can be a better relationship than someone who breezes in a couple of times a year on "special" days.

If I could thank this post twice (or three times) I would.

Why do people make out that one day of the year is actually so much more meaningful than any other? Your 'Christmas Day' with your family Amber will be on January. You can have your cake and eat it: have a lovely simple Christmas with your immediate family (i.e. your OH and kitten) on 25th December and have a lovely wonderful time with your wider family in January.

I can't bear the guilt inducing nonsense that makes the 25th December the be all and end all of how much you love someone. It's the same as mothers day cards/valentine's cards/ anniversaries. These 'special dates' can be useful tools but let's not be slaves to them.
And I do dislike the 'you'll be sorry when they've gone' line of reasoning. It only serves to induce panic and guilt and fear.
We never spend Christmas day with my in-laws, I'm sure their neighbour thinks we are terrible. But we always spend New Year with them and have exactly the same day we would have had 7 days earlier.

margaretclare

Brighton belle has hit the nail on the head. It really is 'guilt-inducing nonsense', isn't it? It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so obviously all about profit, profit, profit!