Christmas guilt :(

paulineb_2

Mojisola wrote: »

She won't have to if you make other arrangements.

Or phone a takeaway, you can still see one another without one member of the family slaving over the hot stove.

Beckyy

You can have your own 'Christmas' in January. The concept of spending the time with your family doesn't have to be restricted to one date. I don't get to see my family at Christmas for similar reasons, however I don't feel guilty at all because we will have equivalent time when travel is cheaper and I can get the time off work. Chin up OP

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

She won't have to if you make other arrangements.

We'd be quite happy to, but it's the hubby and I she would miss the most (she's said this when the hubby said he thought his brothers and families were taking advantage) if we didn't go. She's the typical mother hen, and would feel like she's letting her family down, and she's far to polite to say anything....maybe she should, but that's down to her, that's not for us to say anything.

Anyhow, I don't know why this thread has turned round to me, I simply posted what I did in reply to Meditaten's post and that I could see where she was coming from.

paulineb_2

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

We'd be quite happy to, but it's the hubby and I she would miss the most (she's said this when the hubby said he thought his brothers and families were taking advantage) if we didn't go. She's the typical mother hen, and would feel like she's letting her family down, and she's far to polite to say anything....maybe she should, but that's down to her, that's not for us to say anything.

Anyhow, I don't know why this thread has turned round to me, I simply posted what I did in reply to Meditaten's post and that I could see where she was coming from.

I disagree, I think it is down to you to say something, if someone at 78 years of age was struggling with all the preparations, getting up at 4 and 5am, Id step in and do something to get some kind of compromise on the go.

I wouldnt be able to relax and enjoy christmas day knowing there was an elderly relative struggling to cope cooking christmas dinner for a group of people who dont appreciate it to the point where it was even suggested that she might have to sit in the kitchen alone.

Hopefully this year or next things might change.

Pee

I remember my grandma being really upset when we moved Christmas to our house the year granddad died. I couldn't understand how we could be so insensitive and I would stay with her. I was about twenty at the time. Mum thought she was a better cook and yeah she was. Anyway I often use what are you doing for Christmas as an opening gambit at networking events and my response involves visiting my parents but is mainly about it being me and my OH, Christmas dinner, chilling... I hope it snows. I don't think people judge you as much as you think.

Georgiegirl256

paulineb wrote: »

I disagree, I think it is down to you to say something, if someone at 78 years of age was struggling with all the preparations, getting up at 4 and 5am, Id step in and do something to get some kind of compromise on the go.

I wouldnt be able to relax and enjoy christmas day knowing there was an elderly relative struggling to cope cooking christmas dinner for a group of people who dont appreciate it to the point where it was even suggested that she might have to sit in the kitchen alone.

Hopefully this year or next things might change.

I agree. Each year she says we'll go out, we try and instigate it, but each year it doesn't happen as she doesn't want to let the 'girls' down. We offer to help to cook, but she insists no one does, in a way she makes a rod for her own back. The hubby doesn't see his brothers from one year to the next, they're really not close, and his Mam has told him not to say anything to them as she doesn't want to upset them. So in respect for her, he doesn't.

Yes, she's 78, but she's a youngish 78. But you're right, I think we need to tell her when she says about going out that she should stick to that decision.

Bennifred

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

We'd be quite happy to, but it's the hubby and I she would miss the most (she's said this when the hubby said he thought his brothers and families were taking advantage) if we didn't go. She's the typical mother hen, and would feel like she's letting her family down, and she's far to polite to say anything....maybe she should, but that's down to her, that's not for us to say anything.

Anyhow, I don't know why this thread has turned round to me, I simply posted what I did in reply to Meditaten's post and that I could see where she was coming from.

Why not arrange a meal out? You could say to MIL that you'd like to treat her this year and go back to hers for coffee if she wants a gathering at her home. The others can then join in if they want to (at their own expense, of course!)

Georgiegirl256

Bennifred wrote: »

Why not arrange a meal out? You could say to MIL that you'd like to treat her this year and go back to hers for coffee if she wants a gathering at her home. The others can then join in if they want to (at their own expense, of course!)

She'd never be happy unless everyone was together.

geoffky

Christmas is just another day on earth...People have been brainwashed into thinking it is a special time...Every day you wake up is a special time...

Go and see your family when you want not when some adman tells you that you need to and then charges you the earth for the privilege...

Georgiegirl256

geoffky wrote: »

Every day you wake up is a special time...

Never a truer word spoken. :beer: