Christmas guilt :(

meritaten

I have been thinking about this a lot over the last couple of weeks - and as much as I love my kids and grandkids..........its about time they did their OWN Christmas dinners! I am beginning to feel like Wetherspoons - they turn up expecting Christmas dinner and I am 'working' all day! and to be perfectly honest - last year I was grinding my teeth! I felt like the 'kitchen help'.

Pee

Don't feel bad. Do they celebrate Christmas? I'm sure that they would rather see you for a bit longer in January. Tell people your plans and I bet some of them say it sounds bliss.

mountainofdebt

OP

Do you remember last year there was that ASDA advert that basically showed the mum doing everything for Christmas and it being slated for being sexist.

I was listening to a radio feature about Christmas adverts and they were saying that it was slated not because it was sexist but because it was realistic and not all disneyfied.

Your parents don't mind, I bet you'll still contact them on the day and you'll see them in January.

Don't beat yourself up over nothing

ozma83

My plan at the moment sounds like bliss to me too.. and yes my parents don't make a fuss but I can't help but think that they will be sad or be let down by me if I don't go. My mum today mentioned in passing that 'your cousins are coming back for Xmas (to see their parents)'.

I don't have the BEST relationship with my mum, in fact it has always been stormy as I was growing up, but things have gotten better recently. Nonetheless she still sometimes says things without really paying attention, like today she asked if my boyfriend would be going in January as well, and when I said I'm not sure because of the kitten, she said 'who told you to get it'

claire16c

ozma83 wrote: »

my parents have never been on a plane in their entire life...it's just not really something they could do, and it's something of a given that it would be us who would go over there...

Wouldn't they want to come & see what it's like where you live?

They've really never come to visit you??

ozma83

No never...they say they want to come, my dad is afraid of flying and says he wants to take the train, my mum wants to try and get the plane but unfortunately as we started planning this a couple of years ago she got ill and had to have a very long therapy etc (rather not say for what as it still doesn't feel real but you can imagine )

don't feel much better tbh.

mountainofdebt

ozma83 wrote: »

My plan at the moment sounds like bliss to me too.. and yes my parents don't make a fuss but I can't help but think that they will be sad or be let down by me if I don't go. My mum today mentioned in passing that 'your cousins are coming back for Xmas (to see their parents)'.

I don't have the BEST relationship with my mum, in fact it has always been stormy as I was growing up, but things have gotten better recently. Nonetheless she still sometimes says things without really paying attention, like today she asked if my boyfriend would be going in January as well, and when I said I'm not sure because of the kitten, she said 'who told you to get it'

But could it be that you're reading something into her comments that really isn't there?

If you don't usually go back for Christmas then this year is no different in reality is it? Your mum could have been making a simple comment about your cousins coming back as abit of a news item -not trying to guilty trip you.....which I have to say you're doing a good job of all on your own lol!

MoneySavingMamma

Be selfish!
Me & OH have spent every Christmas just us, from the 2nd Christmas we were together (12 so far!) we allowed visitors on our sons 1st Xmas, only my parents, for 1hr, luckily his were away!

We just like to have a day of 'us' (which is now 5!) and not have to entertain/keep up with the jones' (judgemental families!)
I would like to do a big family Xmas now and again, maybe every 3yrs have the mania of all in one house, like the start of Home Alone!

I think we set the rules at the start, before we even had kids, we do our own Christmas, & thats it, sorry! :-)

bagpussbear

You shouldn't feel selfish OP, but I agree anxiety can make us feel more sensitive and guilty to situations.

You see them in January usually so it's not like you aren't making any effort. And if you don't mind me saying, there is nothing stopping your parents coming to see you once in a while - presumably the illness has gone for your mum? and there are trains that she mentions, so don't feel like you should be taking all the burden and guilt.

seven-day-weekend

We lived for eight years in Spain and every year we spent Christmas apart from our son. All of us agreed it was too expensive for either of us to visit at that time.

Don't feel guilty about it, there is no need to, don't take any notice of what anyone else says. If they ask, just tell them you are planning a quiet Christmas with your boyfriend's family, that should shut them up.

Enjoy your January visit and don't let guilt spoil it.