relationship after affair

*Louise*

Sounds a good plan to me :T:T:T

Bazey

So he had sex whilst away with the lads at Butlins with the girl in the caravan next door, and he thinks he's a catch? And I'm Brad Pitt.

pearl123

cookie54 wrote: »

again thanks for the support..

After work i am going to the estate agents to get some info on 1 bed flats to rent and hand these to him tonight and tell him to clear off for good as i now know his mum cant have him and he has no where else to go. H e wasn't happy that i spoke to his mum and told her that i was having couselling alone as he wouldn't attend and that i was paying for it .. will update later or tomorrow morning ......xxx

Instead of you doing the donkey work and getting him the details - how about texting him the number of the estate agent.
Don't make it easy for him. Has he made it easy for you lately?

opinions4u

1. Carry on with your counselling.

2. While you should understand your legal position do not instigate any proceedings for six months. Give yourself a chance to let your feelings settle.

3. If there is to be any reconciliation insist on joint counselling. Make it a non-negotiable.

4. If he does agree to joint counselling use that process to help you decide if you still want a relationship or not. Do not assume it's a fix all.

5. Maintain your approach that the outcomes are positive. Refreshing independence or a reinvigorated marriage. Don't settle for marriage without change.

Good luck. My instinct is that he's a plonker. You know if, during the preceding years, he's really a plonker or whether he's a good man who's lapsed. If it's the latter there's hope you can fix things.

nimbo

Wow - it may be hard, but stay strong, and do little things for you and the children that will make you happy. It might be hard, but speak to your children, and see what they want to do for Christmas - as this may be one of the 'bad days'.

I have been cheated on (we weren't married, and have no children so not like this) and would have to say I'd believe the woman - at this point she has nothing to loose, you don't sound like the type to travel 350 miles with a baseball bat... He however does, and seems to be acting like a plonker.

Stay strong for you and the children (and if you DO take him back, make sure you're certain as the tooing and froing was what hurt the most during my parents break up - we'd keep getting happy, and then having out hopes dashed)...

nimbo

cookie54 wrote: »

again thanks for the support..

After work i am going to the estate agents to get some info on 1 bed flats to rent and hand these to him tonight and tell him to clear off for good as i now know his mum cant have him and he has no where else to go. H e wasn't happy that i spoke to his mum and told her that i was having couselling alone as he wouldn't attend and that i was paying for it .. will update later or tomorrow morning ......xxx

You must be a much nicer person than me, I'd send him a text telling to look, as at this point he's not your problem, if his mother has issues with him being there she can help him look.

BUT having said that - how did it go????

bitsyboo

Sorry to hear of your dilemma, it happens to lots of people and your not alone! it happened to me and it was a nightmare... as you try to be tough but inside it eats away at you. it gets better with time believe me, I did the mediation thing which I thought was great to have someone to listen too your feeling hurt etc, but my oh was arguing with the poor mediator and we never went back, in the end I called it a day after nearly 25 yrs together & life has been better tbh, our kids were a lot younger than yours and it was for their sake I stayed so long!! my advice to anyone is try to amend and see how it goes? if its not working then move on and make a better person of yourself by toughening up and feeling strong and free of hassle arguments suspicion etc, its a wonderful feeling leaving all these worries behind & I do think we do put up with a lot for the sake of our kids, my parents split up when I was very little and was brought up seeing non of the above which was a blessing. good luck to you and be strong and determined in your plans