relationship after affair

harrys_nan

I don't think anyone here can advise you what to do, that choice must be your's and only your's, I personally think you shouldn't rush to let him back home, because of the christmas comment he came out with.
I hope what ever you decide to do is what you want and not what you feel is the right thing to do, I wish you well xx

jellyhead

Re the comment about Christmas - was he asking you to see how it goes and wait for a couple of months before coming to a final decision?

If not, and he really was just after Sky TV for christmas then I think if it were me I'd see how the first couple of counselling sessions went before deciding whether or not he could come back.

Make the most of the time without him and think about what you really want.

cookie54

WOW THANKS FOR ALL THE REPLYS

I think he just wants to wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

We have a very comfortable life at present and that will change when we split but i will be ok.
I only have my brother and his wife and i feel scared for the boys being just with me. I HAVE FOUND A GOOD COUNSELER and have had 3 sessions and i have gone into survial mode . I have found a good solictor and am wondering if i am doing the right thing.
I saw his mum for the 1st time today. she is deeply embrassed by what he has done . she is finding it hard as his sister marriage has failed to and she is back home with her mum too.
I found out he hadn't told her half of what he did and she was in tears about her sons actions.

cookie54

I will have to face the other parents/dads as most are in the same school and year as my son .I think he believes that i will stay with him as no one else will have me and he is such a catch .. not ..
He did joke that its a good job she hasn't got a twin sister in ******** as he would be round there every day. He says they have stopped contact but I DONT BELIEVE IT .. It was like first love at the start and fizzled out to talking about weather and food....really not !!!!
I have had to go to the sex clinic as i do not know if they used a condom and he slept with me between butlins and me finding out after he visited her and sleeping with her again.
oh and he says he didn't sleep with her in the hotel but she is saying they did .

No remorse or big time grovelling.. i feel so stupid and shocked and that i must be worthless if he is not grovelling big time or at least trying

BitterAndTwisted

There is no 'must be worthless": he's either completely brazen out of fear and embarrassment or there's something wrong with him. Whatever it is, I doubt that it's directly to do with you.

Maybe you should make it clear to him that you are undecided at the moment about whether you'd ever even speak to him again, never mind discuss your marriage and whether it may have a future or not.

In your place I would not do anything in haste bar the STD clinic. There's no reason for you to. You have all the time in the world. Especially all the time in the world to turn the thumb-screws one tiny bit tighter.

paulineb_2

You aren't worthless. He's a fool.

pearl123

Cookie54 - you deserve more.

scarlet55

cookie54 wrote: »

I will have to face the other parents/dads as most are in the same school and year as my son .I think he believes that i will stay with him as no one else will have me and he is such a catch .. not ..
He did joke that its a good job she hasn't got a twin sister in ******** as he would be round there every day. He says they have stopped contact but I DONT BELIEVE IT .. It was like first love at the start and fizzled out to talking about weather and food....really not !!!!
I have had to go to the sex clinic as i do not know if they used a condom and he slept with me between butlins and me finding out after he visited her and sleeping with her again.
oh and he says he didn't sleep with her in the hotel but she is saying they did .

No remorse or big time grovelling.. i feel so stupid and shocked and that i must be worthless if he is not grovelling big time or at least trying

I'm so glad he can make jokes about sleeping with this woman..I'm angry just reading this thread so I can't imagine what you're going through OP
He has no remorse whatsoever and is treating you with contempt..I know what I'd do!

Bennifred

cookie54 wrote: »

WOW THANKS FOR ALL THE REPLYS

I think he just wants to wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

We have a very comfortable life at present and that will change when we split but i will be ok.
I only have my brother and his wife and i feel scared for the boys being just with me. I HAVE FOUND A GOOD COUNSELER and have had 3 sessions and i have gone into survial mode . I have found a good solictor and am wondering if i am doing the right thing.
I saw his mum for the 1st time today. she is deeply embrassed by what he has done . she is finding it hard as his sister marriage has failed to and she is back home with her mum too.
I found out he hadn't told her half of what he did and she was in tears about her sons actions.

I like your thinking! You are young, op, and have a lot of life left to live. Time to move on and find someone worthy of you, I'd say.:cool:

harrys_nan

Well I did say , nobody on here can/should tell you want to do, but on reading your last post I now. say get rid, you deserve much much better
Don't waste your life on somebody like that, I don't know how old you are but one thing i am sure off is, there is somebody out there that will treasure you and love you and this is what you deserve , xx