relationship after affair

Pollycat

cookie54
Thanks for the update.

cookie54 wrote: »

I will have to face the other parents/dads as most are in the same school and year as my son.

I wouldn't worry about the other Dads (I assume these are his mates who were also at Butlins).
They'll probably think the same as we do on here - what a total ar*e he's been and is being.

cookie54 wrote: »

I think he believes that i will stay with him as no one else will have me and he is such a catch .. not ..

Is he really so deluded to think this?

cookie54 wrote: »

He did joke that its a good job she hasn't got a twin sister in ******** as he would be round there every day. He says they have stopped contact but I DONT BELIEVE IT .. It was like first love at the start and fizzled out to talking about weather and food....really not !!!!

This is really not the time for jokes of any kind, least of all like the above.
It's very unkind and thoughtless.
I too would be disbelieving of his claim that they are no longer in contact.

cookie54 wrote: »

I have had to go to the sex clinic as i do not know if they used a condom and he slept with me between butlins and me finding out after he visited her and sleeping with her again.
oh and he says he didn't sleep with her in the hotel but she is saying they did .

I think this is sensible, just to be on the safe side.
I think the odds are in your favour that you will be OK.

cookie54 wrote: »

No remorse or big time grovelling.. i feel so stupid and shocked and that i must be worthless if he is not grovelling big time or at least trying

This is the worst thing I've read.

If he is showing no remorse, then he doesn't feel that he's done anything wrong.
Allow him back into your life and he'll think he can drop his trousers anytime the opportunity comes along.

You deserve better than that - for you and your children (especially your daughter).

Feeling shocked is fine, but do not feel stupid and that you are worthless.
You have done nothing wrong, he's the one who couldn't keep his d**k in his trousers 17 years into a marriage.

aileth

What a complete and utter @#$% (to be polite).

bugslet

cookie54 wrote: »

No remorse or big time grovelling.. i feel so stupid and shocked and that i must be worthless if he is not grovelling big time or at least trying

He's not got it , has he? If he was genuinely sorry and attempting to put things right, it could be different. I think you might be on a winner not haviing him in your life.

I don't ahve children, but neither do I have any other relatives. You don't need him in your life just because there are few others.

paulineb wrote: »

You aren't worthless. He's a fool.

+1

pearl123 wrote: »

Cookie54 - you deserve more.

+1

hazyjo

cookie54 wrote: »

I saw his mum for the 1st time today. she is deeply embrassed by what he has done . she is finding it hard as his sister marriage has failed to and she is back home with her mum too.
I found out he hadn't told her half of what he did and she was in tears about her sons actions.

When my first husband cheated on me (and left me for her), I spoke with his mum and she was 100% on his side and said things like 'he even had to do his own ironing for your honeymoon.' Yes, that was a real conversation! Yes, I worked full time as well as him. Yes, I usually did do his ironing. Yes, I had pretty much organised the whole wedding.

And his sister and her husband had quite happily gone out for dinner with him and his 'new GF' knowing we'd just got married. He rang his sister the day he left and I heard her say 'she's not buried you under the patio yet then ha ha ha'. Have to say I grabbed the phone and went mental at her.

If you even have his family's support, it makes things easier for you. My in-laws' comments hurt beyond belief. I went for months feeling deep down that the problem was with me. Took a long time to see things for what they were.

You will give him the biggest shock of his life if you turn round and say, actually, you've done me the favour. I would be happier on my own and am young enough to find someone who loves and appreciates me. Sounds like he has overstepped the mark with taking you for granted.

Oh, and the 'funny' comments are unforgiveable. I remember when I said to my ex I regret not just coming over and feeling his heartbeat after I first saw a text message on his phone and he was almost trying to be jokey about it and said thank God you didn't, it was absolutely racing... Still stays with me that he could think it was even slightly amusing or appropriate.

Good luck.

Jx

*Louise*

cookie54 wrote: »

He did joke that its a good job she hasn't got a twin sister in ******** as he would be round there every day.

He what?? :eek:

Sorry, I said before some couples can get past an affair but a joke like that would be the nail in the coffin as far as I was concerned.

Coupled with him showing no remorse proves that he doesn't really care, he just wants his home comforts

DS4215

cookie54 wrote: »

I have had to go to the sex clinic as i do not know if they used a condom and he slept with me between butlins and me finding out after he visited her and sleeping with her again.
oh and he says he didn't sleep with her in the hotel but she is saying they did .

When you get your results (even if they are hopefully negative), you don't have to tell him that. In fact, he needs checking out before you even think of giving him another chance. Let him enjoy all the pleasures of an appointment....

aileth

DS4215 wrote: »

When you get your results (even if they are hopefully negative), you don't have to tell him that. In fact, he needs checking out before you even think of giving him another chance. Let him enjoy all the pleasures of an appointment....

Make the appointment for him, be sure to ask for the extra wide swab and the most invasive procedure

duchy

He's either in total denial or a moron.

I think he may have done you the biggest favour ever

Sorry

jellyhead

cookie54 wrote: »

I think he believes that i will stay with him as no one else will have me and he is such a catch .. not ..
He did joke that its a good job she hasn't got a twin sister in ******** as he would be round there every day.

I can't believe how nasty his 'joke' was

Whether you find somebody else or not, you can be happy without a man. You might find that you are happier alone than you are with him.

And yes, he should go to the clinic. My husband has had those tests (before we were together) and it was quite invasive. Well, the tests for females are invasive too but we get used to having intimate tests - it's a bit of a shock to have an 'umbrella thing' inside the penis to take a swab, and the childish side of me thinks he should be going through those tests, not you!

cookie54

again thanks for the support..

After work i am going to the estate agents to get some info on 1 bed flats to rent and hand these to him tonight and tell him to clear off for good as i now know his mum cant have him and he has no where else to go. H e wasn't happy that i spoke to his mum and told her that i was having couselling alone as he wouldn't attend and that i was paying for it .. will update later or tomorrow morning ......xxx