My Narcisstic MIL to be

Mojisola

Callie22 wrote: »

You could always give her the wrong destination I'm just thinking of that news story recently where Grenada and Granada got mixed up. Such a shame that you made a simple spelling mistake ... :whistle:

While contemplating such tactics is fun, it's important to keep to the moral high ground when dealing with someone like the MIL.

At the moment, all her complaints are stupid - giving her something real to beat you up over and spread round the family and friends isn't a good idea.

Callie22

Mojisola wrote: »

While contemplating such tactics is fun, it's important to keep to the moral high ground when dealing with someone like the MIL.

At the moment, all her complaints are stupid - giving her something real to beat you up over and spread round the family and friends isn't a good idea.

That was obviously a joke But in my experience narcissists are pretty nasty people who judge everyone else by their own standards, so whether you do something nice or nasty it's all pretty irrelevant as they assume that everyone is as spiteful, manipulative and unpleasant as they are. They see malice in even the most innocent of actions, because they don't do anything innocently.

ValHaller

Mojisola wrote: »

While contemplating such tactics is fun, it's important to keep to the moral high ground when dealing with someone like the MIL.

At the moment, all her complaints are stupid - giving her something real to beat you up over and spread round the family and friends isn't a good idea.

Well, you choose your moments, don't you ....

If MiL is genuinely bad enough for this to be justified, if she does bicht about this to family, then your reputation will only be enhanced.

marmitepotato

Congrats Emiloop. I wish you both well.
My step mother is just like your future MIL. When OH and I got married we didn't tell a soul, we just told our families when we got back. All were happy for us apart from my dad and my step mum. Dad was unhappy because he was going to suffer his wife going on and on about how she'd missed her big day, and how I'd regret not having a big do. Dad didn't speak to me for quite a while after but he came round. I avoid my stepmother at all costs as she's a proper 'drama llama' and it's always 'all about her'.

Live your life how you want, and most of all.....be happy. X

meritaten

Narcissists often think they are starring in the movie of their life - if your MIL is like that - then you can manipulate them back. as for your MIL wearing white lace - a throwaway remark like 'you are wearing that? really? its bad luck for anyone except the bride to wear white' can make them think again!

ska_lover

OH GOSH OP. I haven't read the whole thread, but your MIL is clearly trying to say something without verbalising it with the whole white lace dress thing to your wedding.

I would run away and do it. You get called evil now, so it cant be much worse than that I guess

DigForVictory

Congratulations on your engagement!
Agree a "runaway wedding" with your beloved. (He *has* to back you up.)
Sort passports.
Plan the ideal family holiday with extra legalities.
Go have a wonderful time!
Come back, hold a family party & spill beans.
Endure her responses.
Emigrate &/or outlive her, planning to live happily ever after?!

Dimey

Wearing white - as though she's the bride at her own son's wedding. YUK - Creepy.

And its just not done for anyone other than the bide to wear white to a wedding. Very old tradition.

Sounds like you will keep the control to do your own thing OP. Your instincts are sound. You just need to make sure you don't self impose a guilt trip because MIL is completely wrong and you are completely right.

Ignore complaints when you get home and invite MIL & family for the party to celebrate with you. Not as any sort of apology, but to extend the celebrations. You could even tell guests its a white theme so all come dressed in white.

If MIL starts to be vicious to you then ask your OH to tell MIL that the two of you are married now and her nastiness will no longer be tolerated. As you are now husband & wife, you expect her to phone before she visits to make sure its convenient, as you'll do when coming to her. That's common courtesy.

Its important that your OH does all the control or confrontational work with MIL. But include her where you can to be nice to her too. Hmm , MIL's poor husband

Happy engagement. Have fun planning your wedding, the two of you.

ostrichnomore_2

lilli-put - well done for standing up to the old cow and protecting your kids :beer:

Narcisists are so wrapped up in their own world that sometimes all you can do is protect yourself from them.

This_Year

Congrats OP, sounds like my ex-MIL.

She kept trying to muscle in on my wedding and being young and foolish, I gave in on a lot of it. Until she went to my photographer I had booked to try "to get a better deal as I know about business" and told them that the album/package I had chosen was too expensive and I would have the cheapest they had.

First I knew of this was when the photographer, a school friend, who had given me a special deal, phoned me while she was there to let me know.

He then refused to change the booking to her request.

When she got back and tried to bluster about she could get a better deal in everything and that I knew nothing about weddings, I saw red and told her that it was my wedding, she was no longer invited and to **** off.

I then walked out of her house, my ex came after me and said, oh the !!!!!! will hit the fan now but well done.

She didn't ever really change and from what I gather still regularly changes her will to bully her family into her demands.

Stand you ground OP, and do whatever you want. It's your day!