My Narcisstic MIL to be

Emiloop

ostrichnomore wrote: »

she sounds like a nightmare and you are a braver woman than me, to live with this as a MIL, unless I lived at least 500 miles away.

All you can do is either elope, or plan the wedding you want and refuse to tell her anything about it or involve her in the planning in any way. If she throws a strop, just say 'We are planning it all ourselves, thank you'. If she keeps throwing a strop, leave.

Stop worrying about upsetting her. People like this are upset all the time - because they upset themselves. Its nothing to do with you.

'7 years on and she still harks on how evil (yes really!) it was that she missed the birth of her Grandchild.' that would drive me nuts. No way would I want even my own mum there at that time. If you could bring yourself to say all this, I bet it would work. Even if you can't bring yourself to do it, think about it next time and it'll make you giggle.
When she starts give a big heavy sigh and say 'look, I know you are desperate to look at my fanny, you keep going on about missing out looking at my fanny, come on then, let's go to the bedroom and I'll show you it now' - she'll say 'no, no'. But you keep harking on and on, stand up start walking towards the stairs 'come on MIL, I'll show you my fanny now, it's what you've always wanted, you obviously love looking at fannies'. And just really keep at it. With any luck she'll think you are a bit nuts and not dare raise it again in case you do actually just whip your bits out.:rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl:omg,! The look on her face would have been priceless! If only I'd thought of that! Bib, It took me 4 years to finally make the move from my hometown as I knew she would become a huge issue in our lives.

Emiloop

barbiedoll wrote: »

Don't mention the wedding at all to her anymore. If she asks, just say that you haven't decided yet and you will let her know. And leave it at that. (Then go and have the wedding of YOUR dreams!)

And you definitely need to stop her coming round every day. Tell her that she can't come tomorrow/ next week/every Thursday or whatever, because you are busy....no explanations, no excuses. If she turns up anyway, tell her at the door that it is not convenient and shut the door in her face. Keep on at it and she will get the message eventually. She will probably badmouth you to the rest of the family, her neighbours and everyone she knows but so what!

Please don't tell us that she has a key? If so, change the locks tomorrow!!!

And congratulations on your engagement! :j:j

Most days I try and ignore her, but she knows I'm in as I work from home and when I try and tell her I'm busy and can I call her later, she just interrupts and starts talking about her. No way does she have a key, she tried to keep one when she had to feed our cat whilst we were away. When I came home I could see she had been through all our cupboards etc- i was furious so questioned her, she didn't deny it she just said she was interested to see where we put all our things!

andygb

pineapple123 wrote: »

The problem with NPD is that you can never reason with them or get them to really understand your wants and needs as they are unable to.
You are kinda dammed if you do and damed if you dont either she gets annoyed because you wed without her, you get annoyed as you compromise to appease her or you both end up falling out as you most probably wont find middle ground.

Its your Big day so you make the decision not her.

How true.
I find that I can even agree with my sister at times, just to keep her quiet, but then she will have a rethink and do a 180 degree turn and disagree with what she originally said.
Do people with NPD seem to argue for the sake of it?

Emiloop

duchy wrote: »

Present her with a quotation for a local wedding venue (up to her high standards so mega money) and ask her how much she's contributing

Thanks. I did that for a local Manor house at her request. £4000 just to hire the place, that's when she said 'well of course you should save up for 5 years', I was like :rotfl:

Mojisola

Emiloop wrote: »

Most days I try and ignore her, but she knows I'm in as I work from home and when I try and tell her I'm busy and can I call her later, she just interrupts and starts talking about her.

She's got a very thick skin - you need to cultivate the same.

Either don't answer the phone when it's her or say you're working and can't talk and cut the call or just put the phone done and let her talk to herself while you get on with work.

She will have a tantrum about it but keep on with the broken record "I was working when you phoned".

sulphate

I think you both need to stand up to her a little.

And say that if she wants you to have a lavish do she'll have to pay for it because you can't afford it.

Have what you want, if she starts spouting !!!! just simply say "it's our wedding, that's what we want, that's it." Not easy i know.

aileth

Now, if you were feeling especially vengeful, tell her you've booked X registry office for X date at X time, which funnily enough coincides with you in Vegas, then wear a giant grin on your face while you're sat in a bar on the strip while she rocks up to the RO in her white lace dress asking after you.

Bittersweet.

lillie_put

congratulations
I understand how you are feeling I have one of those MIL in my life
please don't do as I did an say nothing
I had always wanted a church wedding for my lovely dad walk me down the Isle. Now he never can
But that didn't happen she went on an on about it an that her son was in the Army wouldn't get time off
that her husband wouldn't be able to sit in church that long the man that decided 1 day I WAS THE SHE DEVIL as it was their son an they wanted better
his problem
I went along with it I didn't want to cause any trouble for my OH
he was Bf at time we been together since school getting married 5 yrs later
I wish I said something but I didn't
until long long time late 16yrs to be precise,
How I took it I don't no the nastiness evilness was cruel even for her, We now have 3 kids young men
she decided 1 day to start with her mouth an nastiness to my youngest hurting him then my other 2 lovelys I wasn't in the room at the time,
an I think I shocked everyone not only myself the devil would not of messed with me that day:rotfl:
outcome was is she was banned from my house full stop and if an only if my kids want to see her they will arrange it with her but better understand no longer will I take her evil mouth nor would she do My lads what she did to me
that was 3 years ago upshot is she is nowhere near my home
and boy are we all lot happier they do see her but are a lot happier now they do see her but do not take her evil mouth

stand up tell her its your way or don't expect to b invited
take care
be strong head up and smile
love Lillie_put

MrsAtobe

Emiloop wrote: »

Most days I try and ignore her, but she knows I'm in as I work from home and when I try and tell her I'm busy and can I call her later, she just interrupts and starts talking about her. No way does she have a key, she tried to keep one when she had to feed our cat whilst we were away. When I came home I could see she had been through all our cupboards etc- i was furious so questioned her, she didn't deny it she just said she was interested to see where we put all our things!

Caller ID and an answer phone, sorted that one for you. I work from home too. Failing that, get a TrueCall unit and put her on the zap list

Callie22

Emiloop wrote: »

Very likely! That's the thing, she has money so can afford to go wherever but my family cannot. So it has to be an everyone is there or no family and we just go and do it.

You could always give her the wrong destination I'm just thinking of that news story recently where Grenada and Granada got mixed up. Such a shame that you made a simple spelling mistake ... :whistle: