My Narcisstic MIL to be

Desperado99

Quick question (I'm totally for you going away to do it BTW) how likely is it she'll invite herself on a destination wedding?

I wouldn't want you to find yourself stuck somewhere romantic with her for company for 2 weeks

I'd do a complete elopement thing...... off to Gretna, no-one knows but you two and your kids.

hazyjo

Get married. Don't even tell her your married. Is there anyone in your OH's family who would even need to know?

Then plan away. Say you can't afford it and will take her sage advice and do it in five years' time. Five years can easily become 10 years

Jx
PS evil streak - but how old is she?! :devil:

Relocationrelocation

Sounds like even if you did it her way (and I am not for one second suggesting you do) she would find issue with something, and !!!!! and moan - so why not book a 'holiday', go away and then "surprise" oops we're married! Job done. Have a party, if she comes, she comes, grit your teeth and do your best to block her out (easier said than done, I know) if she doesn't, tough. You don't want to look back in years to come regretting you didn't do it your way... or worst still, end up in loads of debt from having a lavish wedding you couldn't afford!
Congratulations and lots of luck to you all for a very happy life together.

Errata

Ignore her, don't react, just let her bang on to fresh air.

mysecretalias

Get married abroad and for gods sake don't tell her in advance.

And when you come home move FAR FAR away from her x

pineapple123

The problem with NPD is that you can never reason with them or get them to really understand your wants and needs as they are unable to.
You are kinda dammed if you do and damed if you dont either she gets annoyed because you wed without her, you get annoyed as you compromise to appease her or you both end up falling out as you most probably wont find middle ground.

Its your Big day so you make the decision not her.

flippin36

Hi OP thought this forum might be useful for you.

http://outofthefog.net/

I too have a N MIL and this website really gave me some excellent advice on how to handle difficult situations from people who have gone through the exact same things you describe. It's a real eye opener!

ostrichnomore_2

she sounds like a nightmare and you are a braver woman than me, to live with this as a MIL, unless I lived at least 500 miles away.

All you can do is either elope, or plan the wedding you want and refuse to tell her anything about it or involve her in the planning in any way. If she throws a strop, just say 'We are planning it all ourselves, thank you'. If she keeps throwing a strop, leave.

Stop worrying about upsetting her. People like this are upset all the time - because they upset themselves. Its nothing to do with you.

'7 years on and she still harks on how evil (yes really!) it was that she missed the birth of her Grandchild.' that would drive me nuts. No way would I want even my own mum there at that time. If you could bring yourself to say all this, I bet it would work. Even if you can't bring yourself to do it, think about it next time and it'll make you giggle.
When she starts give a big heavy sigh and say 'look, I know you are desperate to look at my fanny, you keep going on about missing out looking at my fanny, come on then, let's go to the bedroom and I'll show you it now' - she'll say 'no, no'. But you keep harking on and on, stand up start walking towards the stairs 'come on MIL, I'll show you my fanny now, it's what you've always wanted, you obviously love looking at fannies'. And just really keep at it. With any luck she'll think you are a bit nuts and not dare raise it again in case you do actually just whip your bits out.:rotfl:

barbiedoll

Don't mention the wedding at all to her anymore. If she asks, just say that you haven't decided yet and you will let her know. And leave it at that. (Then go and have the wedding of YOUR dreams!)

And you definitely need to stop her coming round every day. Tell her that she can't come tomorrow/ next week/every Thursday or whatever, because you are busy....no explanations, no excuses. If she turns up anyway, tell her at the door that it is not convenient and shut the door in her face. Keep on at it and she will get the message eventually. She will probably badmouth you to the rest of the family, her neighbours and everyone she knows but so what!

Please don't tell us that she has a key? If so, change the locks tomorrow!!!

And congratulations on your engagement! :j:j

Emiloop

Lieja wrote: »

This sounds exactly like my OH's mum - thank god he can see it and is willing to stand up to her! She hasn't set foot in our house for months after I got sick of having to pander to her every need and listen to how much better her way of doing everything was. I told my OH that I couldn't cope with it anymore and we decided that we would both prefer to pee her off on a regular basis than have out lives governed by her.

Best decision we ever made!

Get married the way YOU want to, and deal with the fallout afterwards.

Yes, things came to a head a few years ago and she said some very nasty things to me. Luckily, my OH stood up for me and she hated it saying "I am not his wife and until then he should listen to his Mother"! After what she said to me, if he did back her we would have been over anyway. We stormed out and I was looking forward to my new life without her. Then she phoned four days later to tell me she understood why I left- because I love her! !!!!!!, she never apologised, just said I love her and I was hurt by what she said and I'm not going to break up her family. So sadly, this is what causes most problems, because we won't roll out the red carpet for her and she won't clear off!

rosie-lee wrote: »

Or have a small Register office ceremony here, then all the legal stuff has been done in this country and fly off the same/next day to celebrate on your dream holiday in Vegas or elsewhere.

I would relax more, knowing I had given her chance to wear her ridiculous outfit & fuss about but be strict, on grounds of budget, about a £49 max 6 guest ceremony in the morning & lunch after ..... Then jet off & forget all about her, feeling exhonorated & relaxed x

Tell her it's a toss up between flash wedding or holiday with kids & guilt trip into agreeing you are doing best for kids!!

Thanks. This was my original idea for a wedding. Just very close family and friends as we both have large families and can't cater for everyone. But she really put it down, well, she has put down all of my ideas. She knows better and 'knows' I'll regret it as it's the one day in my life that should be perfect (my perfect wedding is you not being there love). We had a lavish wedding in the family a few months back, it was beautiful but most people in his family were just sat in the corner moaning that they didn't like the food and slagging off the bridal family etc, so I knew exactly what I didn't want.