My Narcisstic MIL to be

Lieja

This sounds exactly like my OH's mum - thank god he can see it and is willing to stand up to her! She hasn't set foot in our house for months after I got sick of having to pander to her every need and listen to how much better her way of doing everything was. I told my OH that I couldn't cope with it anymore and we decided that we would both prefer to pee her off on a regular basis than have out lives governed by her.

Best decision we ever made!

Get married the way YOU want to, and deal with the fallout afterwards.

thorsoak

Emiloop wrote: »

Yes, in my head I want to hold a party on our return and have a slide show of pics and then be welcomed in as the new Mr and Mrs! At least then we would have other people there to calm her down. I think I know what to do now. Thanks. I know how ridiculous this all sounds. It's just as crazy as she is to me I don't want to hurt her feelings. Someone slap me fgs!

I don't want to hurt her feelings. :eek::eek:

And what about the fact that she is hurting your feelings?

From what I understand about narcissim, those who have this condition can/will never change - so its "my way or the highway" - so turn that back on itself - its your way - or she takes the highway.

Arrange a lovely little holiday/wedding for you and your own little ones, come back and as you have suggested - come back and throw the party!

If she doesn't like it, then hopefully you'll not hear from her too often afterwards!

maman

I think she's going to spoil your day and leave you with a load of debt if you get married here. I'd go to Las Vegas, have a holiday at the same time and enjoy yourselves. Don't even think about inviting people to go with you.

You can have the party back home with the pictures playing. She'll probably ruin that too but at least you'll have your lovely day to look back on.

Any money saved, I'd put towards moving house!

aileth

I've never had to cope with a situation like this, but whenever I hear about people who act this way all I think is sod them completely and do what makes YOU happy.

LEJC

you've done really well to last this long with her...12 years is a long time but at least you know what your'e letting yourself in for and that probably she will never change.

To be honest go and have the day you want and dont worry about her or her outfit...she's had her life as she wants and its your turn to have your life now...

Even if you had exactly the day she would want something will be wrong with it so its actually not worth trying to please her

and just remember your marrying her son and that doesnt mean her.

Enjoy your planning....and dont forget to pop over to the weddings board and share it there too!

RobotsinDisguse

oh I feel your pain. Except it's My mother in my case!

We go through periods of months of not talking because she just seems to want to hurt me and my now husband. We fell out many times over our wedding planning... until I decided it was far better to Not Involve her in any of the planning at all. Which of course she didn't like. She realised I meant it when I didn't include her to go try dresses on.


Anyway, what i'm trying to say, is that i can empathise, and agree with everyone else that it is your and your partner's day, not hers and she must like it or lump it. Perhaps she has deeply unresolved insecurities regarding her own wedding / life choices.

Shas21

Oh dear - sounds like you have the mother-in-law to-be from hell.

Congratulations on your engagement.

It is YOUR big day, so personally you should do what YOU want to do. Who cares if she's mad or doesn't agree with your plans for your big day. You are marrying her son, not her. She will get over it !!

Again, congratulations and good luck for the future.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Let her wear her white lace dress.

When you come back from Vegas. And have a big party where she will either refuse to attend or have to keep agonisingly quiet in front of everybody else.

After all, you're already evil, so it's not going to make her think any worse of you, is it?



Not that I'll ever be in that situation, but I'd have no intention of wearing white floofy clothes anyway - I'd be wanting to get married at Halloween and wear fancy dress instead - and how ridiculous would an old besom in a bridal outfit look in that situation? Plus, you'd be able to congratulate her on her Bride of Frankenstein costume. :whistle:

Tish_P

People like that will kick up a stink whatever you do, it's in their nature. If you did exactly what she said she'd still find something.
So sod'em, do what you want at your own wedding and refuse to apologise except with a mononous "I'm sorry you feel that way".

tiger_eyes

She's not going to be happy whatever you do, so it's time to ruthlessly cut her feelings out of the equation and do whatever you please.