Family cut themselves out of my son's life

my-user-name

LannieDuck wrote: »

Actually, if wiggy's mum will be or has been arrested, I don't think it's early days anymore, I think it may be a point of no return.

It certainly looks that way Lannie


And it could of all been avoided by getting around a table in a safe and secure environment with a trained mediation advisor.


I think if this had happened then there would of been no texts,no banging on doors and no sad wiggy.


Just hope everything turns out ok in the end but its clear to see that wiggy dosent have a family anymore and that's the saddest part of all,in my opinion it could have been avoided but I think Im in the minority on this.Good luck wiggy.x

Ballabriggs

Lanier, myusername,

Don't forget as well that any direct contact with the mum would seriously undermine wiggy's legal position regarding the harassment. If wiggy suddenly started writing to her mum, even if it were a one off letter, then her mother could say to the police 'see look wiggy is initiating contact even though she has told all of you she doesn't want it'. It doesn't matter that it would a final communication to make her position clear, it would send mixed messages. Now it's on a legal footing wiggy must be consistent in her approach and stick with the legal advice she has received if she is to gain the peace she and wiglet deserve.

Wiggy please do not write ANY letters to you mum. Keep it on a formal footing. Do not undermine your legal position.

I don't believe for a second that wiggy's mum doesn't know why all this has come about. She has mentioned the key incidents in her text messages (the oar incident and demanding to take wiglet without wiggy on holiday). She is simply acting like this because she has lost control over the situation.

Myusername - I feel for you and it must be very hard, and whilst there are some parallels to wiggy's situation I think you are projecting your own sense of loss. Wiggy's mum has behaved this way to wiggy's dad, driven off wiglets dad and has got her sisters bf on the run. This woman knows what she is doing and is very well practiced at it. I very much doubt you have behaved in the same way as you sound like a lovely lady. If its a choice between wiggy/wiglets safety, security and happiness and giving the mum 'closure' I'm sorry but wiggy and wiglet win every time.

I think that wiggy's mum will never 'get it' because no one has stood up to her bullying before. I think the idea of getting round a table and sorting it out is naive. If the mum was really wanting to understand what was happening she would have reflected on the harassment letter and let the dust settle, not completely disregarded it and gone on demanding to take wiglet alone. There has been no mention of how are you wiggy? There is just no interest in a relationship with wiggy, she just wants wiglet. That is not normal behaviour in my view.

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

Maybe wiggys mother might want to hear from her own daughter why she dosent want her in her life or her sons life,I guess its the not knowing which she finds frustrating right now.

Why couldn't wiggy of sat down with a pen and paper and said something to the words"this is is one and only time I will be in contact with you and this is the reason why"then it would be up to wiggy to tell her mother exactly why she dosent want her in hers or wiglets life anymore.

bellevie wrote: »

Its wise not to respond to anyone who you name to the police, as in my case they took my phone to check my texts, and although there were hundreds from the other person, there were a few from me - 'leave me alone' 'I will go to the police' etc - despite the message being clear that I did not want contact the police said replying encourages the other person to engage so they spoke to him but didn't charge.

As bellevie says, the problem with writing a letter is that it encourages the other person to keep the contact going. After all, if Wiggy's Mum disagrees with the reasons given in the letter, it wouldn't be fair of Wiggy not to let Mum explain herself, again and again and again - that's how her Mum would see it.

It's very hard to complain about unwelcome attention from someone if you are contacting them.

As things have got as far as they have, I also think Wiggy should "keep her powder dry". If she sends a letter to her Mum, explaining all the reasons why she doesn't want contact, it will give her Mum plenty of time to think of ways of explaining the events away, showing that Wiggy's view of what happened was wrong and to coach her Gran and her sister about what they must say if the police question them about the events.

missprice

my-user-name wrote: »

Why couldn't wiggy of sat down with a pen and paper and said something to the words"this is is one and only time I will be in contact with you and this is the reason why"then it would be up to wiggy to tell her mother exactly why she dosent want her in hers or wiglets life anymore.
At the end of the letter she could say that she dosent want any contact and if she does try to contact her then she will take her to court for harassment.

LannieDuck wrote: »

At least a letter would have made it all crystal clear, rather than this unexplained lack of contact.
.

my-user-name wrote: »

If wiggys mother has been this horrific(and Ive read wiggys other posts and I believe this to be true) then wiggy must let her mother know what these horrific situations has done to her and why suddenly shes had enough of them and wants nothing more to do with her.


Otherwise wiggy wont have peace in her life and neither will her mother

Possibly you could have a Google of gas lighting.

As an adult, which we are and wiggy is we don't need to justify our actions to anyone. Unless its the police, social services maybe.
If wiggy was now to send a letter or text explaining why they are cut out, even though they told her no more contact, that would be classed as contact and a response. even if it states never contract me again. So now is a terrible time to send letter. In a year or seven when wiggy feels like she could deal with the reaction a letter would bring then fine.
Assuming she has not sent letter previously.
You can't reason with an unreasonable person. They simply won't believe you and twist your words around and make you the bad guy.

my-user-name

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Lanier, myusername,

Don't forget as well that any direct contact with the mum would seriously undermine wiggy's legal position regarding the harassment. If wiggy suddenly started writing to her mum, even if it were a one off letter, then her mother could say to the police 'see look wiggy is initiating contact even though she has told all of you she doesn't want it'. It doesn't matter that it would a final communication to make her position clear, it would send mixed messages. Now it's on a legal footing wiggy must be consistent in her approach and stick with the legal advice she has received if she is to gain the peace she and wiglet deserve.

Wiggy please do not write ANY letters to you mum. Keep it on a formal footing. Do not undermine your legal position.

I don't believe for a second that wiggy's mum doesn't know why all to has come about. She has mentioned the key incidents in her text messages (the oar incident and demanding to take wiglet without wiggy on holiday). She is simply acting like this because she has lost control over the situation.

Myusername - I feel for you and it must be very hard, and whilst there are some parallels to wiggy's situation I think you are projecting your own sense of loss. Wiggy's mum has behaved this way to wiggy's dad, driven off wiglets dad and has got her sisters bf on the run. This woman knows what she is doing and is very well practiced at it. I very much doubt you have behaved in the same way as you sound like a lovely lady. If its a choice between wiggy/wiglets safety, security and happiness and giving the mum 'closure' I'm sorry but wiggy and wiglet win every time.

I guess your right Ballabriggs,it is too late for wiggy to explain in a letter or accepted mediation but if she had done this at the beginning then I think the outcome might have been different.


Im definatly not on wiggys mothers side Ballabriggs,she does sound horrific,however I think the reason shes behaving like this is through sheer frustration at suddenly being cut off from her grandchild and in her mind she dosent know why(even though we do).

my-user-name

missprice wrote: »

Possibly you could have a Google of gas lighting.

As an adult, which we are and wiggy is we don't need to justify our actions to anyone. Unless its the police, social services maybe.
If wiggy was now to send a letter or text explaining why they are cut out, even though they told her no more contact, that would be classed as contact and a response. even if it states never contract me again. So now is a terrible time to send letter. In a year or seven when wiggy feels like she could deal with the reaction a letter would bring then fine.
Assuming she has not sent letter previously.
You can't reason with an unreasonable person. They simply won't believe you and twist your words around and make you the bad guy.

Yes your right,letter writing at this stage is out of the question


Mediation should have been offered at the early stages I feel,Im surprised the police didn't suggest this.?


But its too late for either one of them now,its a sad situation for all concerned.

paulineb_2

my-user-name wrote: »

I guess your right Ballabriggs,it is too late for wiggy to explain in a letter or accepted mediation but if she had done this at the beginning then I think the outcome might have been different.


Im definatly not on wiggys mothers side Ballabriggs,she does sound horrific,however I think the reason shes behaving like this is through sheer frustration at suddenly being cut off from her grandchild and in her mind she dosent know why(even though we do).

What about the way shes behaved towards her daughters, daughters partner and mother over the years?

And the attempt to snatch the child? I might be more inclined to agree with you if this was an isolated incident but its far from that.

Its poor me, poor victim, what have I done? All about her.
Laughing as you try and snatch someones child. I couldnt forgive that personally.

meritaten

the police couldn't have suggested mediation as the solicitors letter had already been sent and received.

at the very beginning perhaps wiggy could have sent one - but she knows her mother best and if she thought it a bad idea then I support her superior knowledge in that!

it IS a shame that the family has cut themselves off from Wiggy - but a reasonable person would not expect then to have contact with her son!

paulineb_2

markdebby wrote: »

Lannie, I agree with you. In my opinion there is only one side of the story being told and everyone here has jumped on the band wagon and blown it out of all proportion and has scare the OP. I think people just love to stir things.
Flame me if you want. Iv worked in the Care Field for 40yrs.

Irrelevant. I worked in the care field for a long time and Im professionally qualified. But I dont agree with you.

Of course theres only one side of the story being told on here, its the same for every single thread.

Oh and I dont think posts like yours are helpful in the slighest, because if you have read the entire thread, you'll see that the OP has been very stressed and anxious at times, seems scared of her mum and sister, what they might do next and I dont blame her.

And if someone comes on here for a bit of support and then gets posts like yours what they might do is run off never to be seen again, Ive seen that happen on several threads over the months.

If people have to make a point that the OP is wrong, put yourself in her shoes for two minutes. None of us on here are currently living through this, even though some may have been through similar, we arent facing what the OP is facing right now.

The OP shouldnt have to justify her actions to anyone on here.

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

First let me say I'm sorry for posting again, don't want to hog the board, just going through some difficulties and honestly this is the only place I'll get any help.

Ok so, a few days ago, I had an argument with family- things were going fine with them, suddenly they wanted to take my 2 year old to Spain next year. I said a holiday in the UK was fine but not abroad, not without me, wasn't comfortable with it, not in my gut and no matter who is with, I feel there's too much risk for him being so little. He can't say his own name, he's only two and I just think of kids like Maddie, plus its 14 days which is too, too long.

They said they would cut the relationship unless I let him, they have a right to take him wherever, whenever. I explained my reasons and offered a compromise of a week holiday in the UK, possibly two through the year. A beach is still a beach! No texts. Yesterday night they were supposed to collect him for his usual stay over at theirs. No texts, no calls, silence.

So I'm guessing they're either trying to blackmail me into it with silence or have followed through. I'm pretty surprised tbh, a holiday argument worth the relationship and love for my son? And they really love seeing my son, and I thought our relationship had improved. Even my sister! Not going into it all now but need advice.

Basically, it is just me. Me alone. My son's dad doesn't want to see him and left 2 weeks into my pregnancy, after a long relationship and engagement. I don't have any friends, uni friends live too far, there's no-one here. I have my son's nursery and crèche staff, and my class teachers, that's it. No real support or shoulder. And frankly, with this new situation I'm terrified.

I'm used to being a single parent but its really hit it home now. I'm going to have to get a CM for my volunteering as part of my TA course, instead of my sister looking after my son. I'm going to have to really put in effort to treat my son, play centres, etc., as there's no sleepover at grandma's. I cant stay at home with him all the time and there are very few things to do in my area. I'm probably gonna have to cancel our trip to Disneyland Paris as there's no-one to look after my dog and guinea pig, and I was so, SO looking forward to that and saved so much for it.

I'm mostly worried that my son will be destroyed by having no-one, except me. No grandma, no aunt, no baby cousin, no dad. And that this will rebound to me, my fault, as though I should give in to blackmail and something I'm not comfortable with.

Has anyone got any advice or help? I see a lot of people here have cut ties from family for one reason or another, but more than often, they have partners and other families, other friends. I have none of that!

Thank you.

Heres the post that kicked this entire thread off, the mum cut herself off, because she couldnt get her own way.