Family cut themselves out of my son's life

paulineb_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I know that Wiggy shouldn't write to her mum but I must admit I can see why a letter would have been useful.

Perhaps a letter,addressed to her solicitor detailing why she doesn't want contact would be a solution and if the solicitor,or other people assisting Wiggy in RL,thinks it would be beneficial to do so, a copy can be sent to the mum through the solicitor

I think the OP might need to take advice about whether thats the best thing to do, also, as someone else said, the police might spell it out to her

To be honest, if someone tries to snatch a child, they might just take a step back and think, I wonder why she doesnt want me to see the child.

You know what. Its entirely up to any of us out there what relationship we have or dont have with a family member. I have none with my dad and havent had in 40 years, his choice. I bet theres been no soul searching on his part as to whether he did the right thing, in fact I know there hasnt been given that hes told me to shove off in later years.

She can walk away if she chooses without having to spend time and energy writing to her mum and as I said earlier, I think that might just fan the flames and it would turn into another saga of poor me, what have I ever done to you, everything Ive done Ive done in your best interests

Theres little reasoning with someone whose mind works in the way the OP's mum does. None probably.

mountainofdebt

paulineb wrote: »

You know what. Its entirely up to any of us out there what relationship we have or dont have with a family member. I have none with my dad and havent had in 40 years, his choice.

I totally agree with this.

I haven't spoken to my dad for the last 24 yrs and do you know what- he's been out of my life for so long I don't think he could be part of it now as so much has happened that he's not been part of but has been a big part of me.

I doubt very much that a letter would change the attitude of the Wiggy's mum but it wouldn't have to be sent to her immediately but it would be there sat in the solicitor's file for the day when it was deemed appropriate to send to her.

You never know it may also act as a sort of therapy for Wiggy

haybel19

I have read the whole thread from start to finish but not previously posted.

However I do feel the need to suggest that the focus is on the situation now, and not adding theories as to how others would have dealt with things differently there are always other ways to react to every single situation but discussing this is not helpful to Wiggy in the position she is in NOW.

From this thread its clear Wiggy, has at all times acted in the best interests of herself and her child- so lets ALL get back to how best to support her - rather than undermining decisions previously taken which is neither helpful nor supportive.

Wol2

Hi Wiggy :hello:

Hi Wiglet :wave:

Hi Wiggy's dog :santa2:

You've absolutely done the right thing contacting the police..and not engaging directly with her in response to her latest communication...Time to snuggle up with Wiglet and leave the matter in the capable hands of the police for the time being...perhaps treating yourselves with some of this? :EasterBun

Do you recall my last post?
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=63999659&postcount=665


Writing letters/mediation whether past or present doesn't work with this type of personality. They cannot be reasoned with. The suggestion on here from some posters to do so in response to her latest text just goes to show how "effective" her games can be in respect of emotional blackmail. Glad you've held your ground :T

You are doing what needs to be done given her behaviour and threats:
a) establishing a safe space for you and Wiglet by cutting contact for a period of time.
b) building up your independence, personal strength and self-determination that will be required to set your own boundaries and protect them should you wish to have any contact/mediation/interaction with your family at a later date.


Well done! You are currently implementing this strategy with courage and determination. :T


Sending you hugs, strength....and whiskery kisses from my guinea piggies.

xxxxx

Ames

Great post Wol, but I think Wiggy's dog should be called Waggy...

slightlyconfused1

The OP is dealing with her situation the best she can. I, for one, think she is doing amazingly well and I really admire her ability to cope with a situation I can't even begin to comprehend.

The problem with a forum like this is that we all apply our own experiences and knowledge to every situation. It is easy then to get drawn into debate and take remarks personally (I recently did this on another thread). If it is a topic that affects us personally we try to get understanding and, I think, approval for our pov and actions.

Unfortunately the full story and circumstances of all stories are not known (especially if we are not OP) and so we end up debating apples and oranges.

If you are estranged from a close relative and don't know why, or if your children's safety has been threatened by a grandparent then you are never going to agree on the correct way to address this situation. I think however it is easy agree that the happiness and safety of a 2 yr old is paramount and the op should be given as much support as possible to ensure that her son thrives in a safe secure environment.

HPoirot

Ames wrote: »

Great post Wol, but I think Wiggy's dog should be called Waggy...

Eh???? :doh:Who is Wigdog then, or has the mulled wine gone to my head??? :rudolf:

meritaten

the thing is - nobody HAS got flamed for posting different viewpoints. All have been acknowledged and answered as to WHY its thought to be too little too late or not a good idea or even that wiggy may have done that but we don't know.

its been thoroughly discussed............................................

Can we just get back to supporting Wiggy now?

Ames

Oops I must have missed Wigdog.

paulineb_2

I think waggy sounds better.