Family cut themselves out of my son's life

bellevie

Hi,

Just wanted to say, if the police visit isn't enough to get through to your mum, you don't need a solicitor for an injunction.

Although mine was a few years ago, I turned up at court with my police reference numbers, a log of threatening message wrote it all in a statement, paid a fee (around £70 I think though it was around 6 years ago). I waited for slot, went in with the judge he read through my statement, asked a few questions and granted it on the day. They normally fix a time eg 1 year, but if it continued and you had to renew it, they may decide to leave it as an 'open order' which means it stays in place until the courts decide otherwise.

They do like evidence, so you could put your crime reference numbers in, and explain that your mum received a letter from a solicitor on xx date but has continued to harass you - keep it simple but factual, you feel threatened, you fear for your childs safety, if you have the doctors letter that may well help your case.

Only issue I had was serving the injunction, but if you can save the money you can pay people to serve papers.

The recipient is given a chance in the papers to get the injunction revoked by taking you back to court - but Id be really surprised if she done that, as she didn't react to the solicitors letter.

Im not sure if things have changed as it was a few years ago, but I assume CAB may be able to advise you on the process.

Its wise not to respond to anyone who you name to the police, as in my case they took my phone to check my texts, and although there were hundreds from the other person, there were a few from me - 'leave me alone' 'I will go to the police' etc - despite the message being clear that I did not want contact the police said replying encourages the other person to engage so they spoke to him but didn't charge.

Finally I will say, an injunction is no guarantee that it will be listened too. For myself and so many others Ive got to know, when the injunction is broken, although police do respond often one persons word against the other, but for some its enough to really shock them into stopping.

Reading your thread has been a little close to home so I have struggled to reply at times, so I haven't knowing that the advice you were being given was spot on.

I hope this situation will come to an end asap, so you can focus on your toddler, work, home and everything that makes you happy ♥

LannieDuck

Wiggy's Mum has had one letter from a solicitor warning her that further contact would be considered harassment, but there's no restraining order in place (although most here would probably argue that there should be and I rather thought that was the way this thread was heading...). Obviously the police can act on what they consider to be harassment, but I'm shocked that ~4 texts over a 2-week period would be sufficient to arrest someone.

I guess wiggy's reached the stage where she's decided to cut her family off completely?

Ballabriggs

Don't forget Wiggy's also had them turning up out of the blue, demanding to see wiglet, banging on the door and scaring wiglet. The police were called and the incident logged.

Plus they also turned up uninvited and dumped bags on her doorstep.

They have retained an entry key to wiggys building despite being instructed to return it.

Not to mention the incident ages ago when they tried to snatch wiglet.

It's not just as simple as a few text messages and the clock doesn't just start from when the harassment letter was sent. The police can see a pattern of behaviour building up here and are prepared to take the next step. I for one am very glad they are taking this seriously. There are some big red flags in the mother's behaviour that could indicate trouble. The police are taking steps to prevent anything more serious from happening. Maybe this will teach her to respect boundaries and learn there are consequences when she doesn't.

Wiggy and wiglet will be perfectly fine without that side of the family and look at the positive impact cutting them off has already had - wiglet is reconnecting with his dad again! That's fantastic in my book!

LannieDuck

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Don't forget Wiggy's also had them turning up out of the blue, demanding to see wiglet, banging on the door and scaring wiglet. The police were called and the incident logged.

Plus they also turned up uninvited and dumped bags on her doorstep.

They have retained an entry key to wiggys building despite being instructed to return it.

Not to mention the incident ages ago when they tried to snatch wiglet.

It's not just as simple as a few text messages and doesn't just start from when the harassment letter was sent. The police can see a pattern of behaviour building up here and are prepared to take the next step.

True. Perhaps it's the pattern of behaviour rather than just the texts. I'm still surprised, but maybe that's me being naive.

(I didn't think they've been asked to return the key yet?)

itsanne

If it were just one or two texts in isolation, then arresting the "mother" might be a bit extreme. However, as Ballabriggs says, there has been a whole lot more.

Hopefully arresting her, which doesn't necessarily mean taking things any further than that ie charging her and going to court, will act as a wake up call and show wiggy's "mother" that she has to leave wiggy and wiglet alone.

paulineb_2

The phrase better safe than sorry springs to mind. Lets not forget years of controlling behaviour including interfering in the ops relationship to where the dad was harassed out of his sons life.

Sweet grandma this woman is not. I hope she is cut out of their lives, she's poisonous.

jellyhead

She doesn't seem to be doing much good for her other grandchild, does she? A normal grandma wouldn't be keeping her grandchild's father off the birth certificate even after so long of him being a proper father to the child, and would be planning for the daughter and grandchild to get a place of their own to be a proper family with the baby's father.

jayII

The texts are akin to the last straw from an abusive ex-partner. If wiggy had escaped an abusive partner and they'd continued to harass her, they might well be arrested for 'simply' sending texts.

Mental abuse (like wiggy describes from her mother) can be more damaging and harder to escape than physical abuse. The police are simply supporting wiggy's escape from her very abusive and controlling mother and sister. They should be saluted for taking a strong stand against the abuser's continued efforts to control and unsettle wiggy!!

paulineb_2

The grandma wants the op and her son in her life. But on her terms.

Like everything else has to be on her terms, the way the sisters bf is treated, the way the dad is treated, the way the ops gran is treated.

Her terms, all the time. Seriously unhealthy.

paulineb_2

She's unbalanced. Her behaviour would bear that out. And as someone already said, what influence would she have on the child growing up?

I can't imagine what it must be like for a parent to be this toxic and controlling.