Family cut themselves out of my son's life

dragonette

Stone7: the mother has been controlling and cruel to wiggywoo, and appears to treat her grandson like a possession to be shown off.

Making her daughter homeless while in a vulnerable position is reason enough to ensure she doesn't have too much influence over a young child, she threatened to abduct him for months now!

HPoirot

stone7 wrote: »

It seems to me that, for all her faults, your mum is really missing your son.

Shame on those suggesting you cut your mother off completely... worst advice ever.

And it seems to the rest of us, what the mother misses is controlling wiggy through her son and controlling the son's life too. Best you read the thread again.

mysecretalias

Glad you are ok wiggywoo9, and stay strong - it sounds like you're doing so well so far.

Tbh I probably wouldn't have even texted her back the once - as you say the message does not seem to sink in so any reply you send her is just going to encourage her trying to control you more. Just don't reply at all would be my advice (but of course that is just my advice and you have to do what you want to do)

Re the family thing it is hard for me to cope with knowing my brother stays nasty and slanderous stuff to me about family members but I try to put it out of my mind and at the end of the day if those members of your family truly care about you THEY will go the extra effort to maintain a relationship with you no matter what. So try not to worry and don't take the bait and react to it.....hugs xxx

marisco_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I'm mostly worried that my son will be destroyed by having no-one, except me. No grandma, no aunt, no baby cousin, no dad. And that this will rebound to me, my fault, as though I should give in to blackmail and something I'm not comfortable with.

You can safely remove those fears from your mind OP. From what I have read on your threads here you are an incredible mum, doing a fantastic job of raising your child. He is very fortunate to have you and over the years you two will form an incredible bond. Children are so much more perceptive than many people give them credit for. He will see the situation in your family for what it is as he grows up. You will be the least likely person to have to worry about their actions rebounding on them or to be held at fault.

As a lone parent myself I can relate to the feelings of fear that you have at the moment. However capable you are, being solely responsible for a child with little support, is a very frightening and daunting prospect. Others have already given very good advice on how to build a new support network around you. I hope things will work out for you and that you feel better in time. Take care

kazwookie

Wiggy~~ you mention your son is at nursery, I would suggest, you make it very clear to the nursery manager / staff that only YOU collects your son, just in case gran tries to collect one day.

meritaten

stay strong wiggywoo - you are doing fantasticaly well. and once you are confident and secure with a good support system then you can try letting mum back in your life on a limited basis.
keep posting - you do have a support system on HERE you know!

wiggywoo9

Oh thank you, it is nice to have a bit of support! I sometimes wish my dad hadn't done what he did, as I feel like I could've maybe tried to see that side of my family in a different light to what my mum presented and possibly would've helped with my PND too. But ah, that's gone now. It is a shame cos I found a newspaper article on it online- he wasn't found for several days.

I will definitely speak to my son's nursery on wed, when he goes back. I secured a CM today, a truly lovely lady with a nice home, so I can keep on with my volunteering for my TA course. I have a locksmith coming tomorrow morning. I did cancel my DLP trip- maybe it was too early anyway, and no-one would take my boisterous dog, he's not too good with strangers either. Doesn't see to like men! I did take him in, my mum was ready to put him down as there were problems between her dog and mine (father and son from his litter), so I'm just happy he's still alive and we can care for him here. My son is doing great, glad we'll be back to a normal week after holidays now!

duchy

mysecretalias wrote: »

Glad you are ok wiggywoo9, and stay strong - it sounds like you're doing so well so far.

Tbh I probably wouldn't have even texted her back the once - as you say the message does not seem to sink in so any reply you send her is just going to encourage her trying to control you more. Just don't reply at all would be my advice (but of course that is just my advice and you have to do what you want to do)

I do see where you are coming from but I suspect total silence would mean WW's Mum would use it as an excuse to start more drama if she was "uncontactable" all in the name of "making sure WW Junior is OK as a concerned grandmother" so whilst I don't think she should be answering every text especially not the emotional blackmail ones I do think it's the lesser of the two evils.

HPoirot

Wiggy - would you want to trace your family on your dad's side? Just a thought for when things have settled for you and your son; you never know, family may be happy to have your dad's offspring to get to know?

meritaten

HPoirot is right - you do have other blood relatives - who could be more reliably informed? you only seem to have one side of a story.