Family cut themselves out of my son's life

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I've just had two texts this morning- one saying morning, when can I see x? the second saying you haven't replied, are you not letting me him now then?

Not sure whether to say we're taking a break or ignore it.

Ignore for goodness sake. I agree with the posters who have said stop answering. You know they are behaving unreasonably. Block their number and move on. Anyone who threatens to take a child or report you to social services, you should not be wasting 2 minutes of your time on them, family or not.

Corelli

Hi Wiggy,

you've got to do with what you are comfortable with, having given the matter a lot of thought and read what people here are saying.

What I find very noticeable is that these last two texts do not make any reference to you, no 'how are you?', nothing like that let alone the apology you asked for. To repeat, she has no rights over your son at all. It does sound like she enjoys being a granny to him, but it does NOT sound like she has his best interests at heart.

You seem to have three options:

1) To completely ignore her texts from now on and to block her number if possible.

2) To send a longer text or letter explaining why you are no longer responding to her.

3) Waiting till this evening and ending rather non-commital text.

The pros and cons of these actions have been discussed above. The new point I'd like to make is perhap you could do something to feel safer about any possible reports to SS that might come if your mother cannot see your (YOUR!!!!) son.

Maybe you could see your Doctor or Health Visitor and explain the circumstances and check that they do not see you and your son as having any issues that would be a child protection concern.

C X

wiggywoo9

I'll probably pop in to the GP, get my tot his flu jab too whilst we're there.

I sent something like LannieDuck suggested, but no questions only statements. I added at the end- I think we'll take a break from you for a while to focus on ourselves. That's it, I have an uncomfortable feeling though, like that tense pause before a wave crashes, when I sent it. God knows what/how she'll respond, but at least she can't get into my home now and we won't be relying on her tomorrow for childcare.

wiggywoo9

Response:

I never said I didn't want to see him! I said I wouldn't have him overnight anymore as you don't trust me, I'm not bothered if you don't want to see us but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him, you're being childish tbh, not texting back and not letting us take him out for Halloween or firework night that's not putting X first at all! so your now gonna try and cut yourself off how's that fair on X?

When she mentioned not having him, she texted it with a finality to it, pretty sure she meant she didn't want to see him then if she didn't get what she wanted, as I asked her to reconsider and she refused saying maybe when he's older they can try again!

mellymoo74

time has come to completely ignore her. Change your number or block hers.
Locks are changed, make sure the nursery and CM know only you pick him up. You are doing a fantastic job taking care of him and bettering yourself you dont need the person who should love you putting you down.

Caroline_a

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Response:

I never said I didn't want to see him! I said I wouldn't have him overnight anymore as you don't trust me, I'm not bothered if you don't want to see us but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him, you're being childish tbh, not texting back and not letting us take him out for Halloween or firework night that's not putting X first at all! so your now gonna try and cut yourself off how's that fair on X?

When she mentioned not having him, she texted it with a finality to it, pretty sure she meant she didn't want to see him then if she didn't get what she wanted, as I asked her to reconsider and she refused saying maybe when he's older they can try again!

This leapt out at me. Why does she feel the need to keep an eye on him - surely she wants to see him because she loves him?? It's just about manipulation... ignore, ignore, ignore!

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Response:

I never said I didn't want to see him! I said I wouldn't have him overnight anymore as you don't trust me, I'm not bothered if you don't want to see us but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him, you're being childish tbh, not texting back and not letting us take him out for Halloween or firework night that's not putting X first at all! so your now gonna try and cut yourself off how's that fair on X?

When she mentioned not having him, she texted it with a finality to it, pretty sure she meant she didn't want to see him then if she didn't get what she wanted, as I asked her to reconsider and she refused saying maybe when he's older they can try again!

Very time you reply, she will throw something back which will stress you and upset you.

Dimey

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Response:

I never said I didn't want to see him! I said I wouldn't have him overnight anymore as you don't trust me, I'm not bothered if you don't want to see us but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him, you're being childish tbh, not texting back and not letting us take him out for Halloween or firework night that's not putting X first at all! so your now gonna try and cut yourself off how's that fair on X?

When she mentioned not having him, she texted it with a finality to it, pretty sure she meant she didn't want to see him then if she didn't get what she wanted, as I asked her to reconsider and she refused saying maybe when he's older they can try again!

Well you replied to explain and she answered you with manipulation and attempted guilt tripping.

No need to communicate anymore. You've given your explanation and said you are taking a break from her so that's the end of it. Don't reply to her texts anymore. Get that block on if you can.

I'm glad to hear you've changed the locks.

You are doing well Wiggywoo. I can see you have become a responsible parent and are protecting your child and yourself as you should.

mellymoo74

Mojisola wrote: »

Very time you reply, she will throw something back which will stress you and upset you.

She will, I had (still do shes alive somewhere) one of these and the only way to cope with her without going mad myself was to cut her off.
It isnt easy, it hurts but what I mourn for is the image of what a mum should be not what I had.

Do what your comfortable with but she will not change, she cannot change so you need to either change the way you look at her behaviour or cut her out only you can decide which

Ballabriggs

Wiggy,

I've been reading your thread regularly and have to say I really admire how you are taking the bull by the horns with this situation.

I totally agree with the other posts, don't respond any further for the time being as you are just undermining all the positive steps you have taken so far. Every time you text back you give her a window through which to crawl back into your life and play head games with you. Your son is fine, you are fine, that is what he needs. Your mother is playing power games and using your son as a pawn. Who knows what she might fill his head with when you are not there, the poor little lad does not need that.

I also think its cruel of her to try to undermine you as a parent using your previous PND, saying things like 'I want to keep an eye on him' is classic manipulation which is trying to suggest you are not a fit parent. This of course also plays upon your family history of mental health issues and is a great way of keeping you down at heel. As you have said, you've been given the thumbs up from the authorities previously and are leading a positive and productive life - good on you!

My advice is find something that inspires or empowers you (poem, saying, advice, anything you want) and write it out and put it on the fridge. When she next contacts you, go and read it at least 5 times. Then press delete. If you don't have the message you can't dwell on it. You need to learn to switch your thinking from negative to positive whenever she contacts you so that you can maintain that sense of empowerment you are now feeling from changing the locks and getting your own child minder.