Family cut themselves out of my son's life

wiggywoo9

Thanks, I'm up early cos of placement (not too sure how to wake my snoring tot at 6.30 either!) and worried about a text she sent late last night. I know I should ignore it but:

so how longs it gonna be before I see x then? I have a feeling contact will need to be sorted out through leagal channels so theres a fixed day/time that you cant revoke, id like to avoid that tbh but am resigned to it if your gonna try and cut him off from us?

No paraphrasing. I don't think Legal Aid exists for this kind of thing anymore and I sure as hell don't have the money for it. I think she does have the money as she's moved up to As. Manager recently, with all these holidays, etc., and doing up my nan's house for her own. Bit worried here as it makes me the bad guy in every aspect. I'm pretty sure if it went to court she'd bring up all my PND and everything, to put me in a bad light, compared to grandma with her house, savings, security, possibly to suggest having him. She has said it before, several times in fact, that she'd have him, often when I got close to her and discussed my MSE tips, like water meter, as she thinks I'm stuck for cash. I always shoved her away, saying its just saving money instead of, literally, flushing away more than I have to.
Never any, 'do you need to lend some?' or help offered, just, 'oh I'd be happy to have him, you know'.

spirit

Relax

As said to you before, your mother has no legal rights of access. what she's doing now is all fluff and nonsense to try to evoke the response you currently feel.

You might want to reply something like LOL, mum you are funny (to show her you don't take her seriously) or just continue to ignore.

thorsoak

Wiggy-woo -IGNORE HER!! I would think that about 30% of us mothers have suffered from PND at one stage or another with a new baby! Your HV is happy, has raised no concerns, - so why on earth should she think that she has any legal entitlement to your son? Absolute rubbish! (and I'm speaking as a Granny here!)

Don't even give the texts another glance - keep them - and possibly you might think about talking about this to your HV, or maybe even someone at your child's nursery? Once again - YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEFEND YOUR RIGHTS TO YOUR CHILD - and btw - I would question your mother's parenting skills ....she's making a pretty bad fist of supporting her adult daughter and child, is she???

spirit

I think your mother might have been watching too much Jeremy Kyle. It's the absent parent who might go for contact in a contact centre.

She can throw as much money at lawyers as she wants, it aint going to get her anywhere.

bunty109

Wiggy, I am a long time lurker on your threads but can only reiterate what everyone else is saying: your mum will not get far on the legal front so do not be afraid to stand up to her. Believe me, she's bullying you into contact. Keep they texts etc and talk to your HV if you are worried about her pulling the PND card but I think any solicitor will tell her she stands no chance in a court and it would cost her a lot (more than the money from a promotion). This is about control on her part, not your son.

andygb

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

worried about a text she sent late last night. I know I should ignore it but:

so how longs it gonna be before I see x then? I have a feeling contact will need to be sorted out through leagal channels so theres a fixed day/time that you cant revoke, id like to avoid that tbh but am resigned to it if your gonna try and cut him off from us?

That is the most ridiculous and offensive thing that I have seen in a long time. As others have said, it is like listening to a character from Jeremy Kyle.
She is obviously very manipulative, and nasty, and not very well educated, and if I were you, I would be getting some kind of advice myself, in case this thing excalates.
She is obviously under some misconception that she has rights of access to your child - which she does not.
I would be tempted to take out a restraining order against her if she does this again, because it boils down to stalking and harrassment IMO.

Birdie85

Argh, I'm so cross on your behalf! :mad: The woman's deluded! She can waste as much money as she wants on lawyers, grandparents have no legal rights to see their grandchildren! I'd tell her as much and suggest that the only way she's going to have a decent relationship with your son is by acting like a reasonable adult (too much to ask her to act like a caring mother) towards you!

Don't worry about the PND being held against you at any point, many women have suffered and recovered, just as you have. This is another tool she is using to belittle you, let it wash over you and remember how far you've come. You wouldn't have been able to do the things you have to make a better life your your son if you were still suffering. She clearly cannot cope with the fact that you're no longer under her thumb and is trying to claw back some power in the lowest ways possible.

When in doubt, read the support you have on here and remember that you're better and stronger than she'd ever allow you to believe.

HPoirot

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thanks, I'm up early cos of placement (not too sure how to wake my snoring tot at 6.30 either!) and worried about a text she sent late last night. I know I should ignore it but:

so how longs it gonna be before I see x then? I have a feeling contact will need to be sorted out through leagal channels so theres a fixed day/time that you cant revoke, id like to avoid that tbh but am resigned to it if your gonna try and cut him off from us?

No paraphrasing. I don't think Legal Aid exists for this kind of thing anymore and I sure as hell don't have the money for it. I think she does have the money as she's moved up to As. Manager recently, with all these holidays, etc., and doing up my nan's house for her own. Bit worried here as it makes me the bad guy in every aspect. I'm pretty sure if it went to court she'd bring up all my PND and everything, to put me in a bad light, compared to grandma with her house, savings, security, possibly to suggest having him. She has said it before, several times in fact, that she'd have him, often when I got close to her and discussed my MSE tips, like water meter, as she thinks I'm stuck for cash. I always shoved her away, saying its just saving money instead of, literally, flushing away more than I have to.
Never any, 'do you need to lend some?' or help offered, just, 'oh I'd be happy to have him, you know'.

See, her text has had the exact effect that she intended: you're scared sh*tless. Stop giving her the time of your day wiggy, she will never get as far as a courtroom over this, or anywhere for that matter, she is not x's parent and as others have said grandparents have NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER. Relax and stop letting her bully you through her texts.

Ballabriggs

Wiggy,

I completely take back what I said about deleting the text messages. You must keep all of them as they are evidence of bullying and manipulation. The two things I would suggest now are:

Go to the citizens advice bureau and see if you can get the 30 min free legal advice session. This will put your mind at ease regarding the legal position, make sure you take all the text messages with you and any reports you've had regarding your HV assessment of you PND. As others have said speak to your HV and see what they advise.

I would also go and speak to the police regarding harassment. Again take all the text message evidence with you but also take the bill for the lock changes you've had to have done. This demonstrates potential physical boundary violation. You need their advice as your mother is now trying to up the ante and it seems to me it is now harassment. I have attached below the Police advice regarding harassment, take out ex and insert mother and I think you've got a good case!

https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q151.htm

As an aside and what might be helpful in the long run should it come to a legal battle is to offer contact though one of the national child contact centres http://www.naccc.org.uk/home I wouldn't suggest this right now but something to think about long term.She will of course refuse but it will show that you have reasonably tried to maintain contact and she herself has not taken up your offer. Plus the staff will be able to supervise her activities and she cannot take him out of the centre.

Wiggy, she is now really starting to show her true colours. She is truly a bully, rather than thinking about you and what she might have done to create the situation, she is trying to increase her attempts to control and harass you. You've take back your individual power and she doesn't like it, that is what comes through very clearly from her behaviour. If this were an ex instead of your mother would you put up with it? Of course not.

Ballabriggs

One other thing, resist the urge to text back anything that might be seen as taunting her, such as you have no legal rights. Remember she may also keep all the texts and use them in the future so you want to be seen in the best light possible.