Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Corelli

Another supporting voice being raised here! After all you have been doing to mke safe nd loving comfortable home environment for your son, and to develop your own career, this is such another burden to deal with.

A google on your behalf showed that grandparents may apply for a contact order http://www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/grandparents/what-are-grandparents-rights/

But legal aid will support you in family mediation http://www.lapg.co.uk/sites/default/files/A3Poster-email_0.pdf

If she is threatening legal action all the more reason to keep her texts.


I don't want to alarm you but you do need to know what you are up against. She has no automatic legal rights and could well not get very far with a case. For flip's sake, she doesn't seem to want to support you at all, just have control of your son. And what the courts would be asking is she a suitable person to be seeing your son?

I haven't looked at your earlier threads but becoming homeless was due to her wasn't it? Didn't she try to take your son from you then? Did you go to the Uni councellor at that stage? That would provide documentation from a third party to give some insight as to the manipulative behaviour of your mother. The PND thing ... pft ... people have MH issues and get over them, it is how you are now that counts.

The other route that might occur to her would be to go to SS. If they take her seriously enough to take action you would possibly have what is called a 'Core Assessment' which mean a social worker coming to your house and questioning you, which would be good as you would have a chance to put your side of the story to them. The sw might also get a report from your GP regarding your current health. From what you have shared here you have nothing to worry about.

More hugs, C X

Dimey

Don't reply to the text Wiggywoo.
Treat it with the contempt it deserves.

File it in case you need evidence in future. Show it to the HV so they are aware of the harassment and seriously consider reporting to the police. Have a good look at Bellabrigg's link.

https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q151.htm

LannieDuck

It might do her good to go talk to a solicitor about it. When she finds out she has no legal rights, she might start to be a bit nicer to you.

I like the suggestion of a PP to go talk to CAB for reassurance if you're worried.

Edit: The links above are interesting, and suggest she might be able to apply for contact. I do have a vague memory of a thread on another baby forum I used to visit which had a poster who went through this (she won). I'll see if I can dig it out for your info.

I think you have a very strong position - she made you and your child homeless, she's threatened to take your child away a number of times. And am I remembering correctly that she kept your child and wouldn't let you have him back and you had to get the police involved? (I may be muddling you up with another poster, apologies.)

Corelli

Ballabriggs wrote: »

<SNIP>

As an aside and what might be helpful in the long run should it come to a legal battle is to offer contact though one of the national child contact centres http://www.naccc.org.uk/home I wouldn't suggest this right now but something to think about long term.She will of course refuse but it will show that you have reasonably tried to maintain contact and she herself has not taken up your offer. Plus the staff will be able to supervise her activities and she cannot take him out of the centre.

Loads of good advice in this post but this shouted out at me.

trolleyrun

Wiggywoo, I just found the same article as Corelli posted a link to. Have a read of it, but don't panic. Keep all correspondence, incl text, email and voice messages. I really can't see that with your mother's behaviour that she would get legal access to your child.

I don't think you realise how far you've come and how much stronger you are now compared to previously. You are doing such a great job of getting yourself on your feet, and you clearly love your child. You keep doing your thing.

Ignore (but keep) your mother's texts. She's getting desperate now, and is trying to push the buttons she knows have worked in the past. She might get nastier as time goes on, but that will go in your favour in case she applies for contact.

I just want to send you hugs and tell you it'll be ok eventually. I know it doesn't count for much from a stranger on the interweb, but I admire how far you've come. You sound like a person I'd like to be friends with, and you have an army of virtual friends here on your side. Keep going, girl, you can see this through

chirpychick

Ignore her!!

Her text is having the desired response.

She has no legal rights to see her grandson. She is trying to scare you!

shelley_crow

This has gone on long enough now, the ongoing stress and worry caused by your mother will start affecting your health eventually, who will look after your little boy then?

I'd take the advice about ignoring further texts but keeping them as evidence. I'd go further and buy another sim card and not give her the number, how can she harass you if she can't get hold of you? Definitely get down Citizen's Advice and/or Police station regarding threats to abduct your child and the chance of you getting an order in place to keep her from harassing you. You need to evidence what has been going on, she'll discredit herself if she tries to paint herself as a doting mother/grandmother who is just worried about you/your son. Her actions have been disgraceful.

If she wants to play silly bu88ers then fine but it doesn't mean you have to take it from her. She obviously thinks that she can scare you into submission to her demands, show her that she's picked on the wrong person!

You've come so far despite everything she has thrown your way so far. One final push to show her you won't be cowed by her any more, then you and your son can live in peace and without constant fear of reprisals from her.

Mojisola

trolleyrun wrote: »

I don't think you realise how far you've come and how much stronger you are now compared to previously. You are doing such a great job of getting yourself on your feet, and you clearly love your child. You keep doing your thing.

Ignore (but keep) your mother's texts. She's getting desperate now, and is trying to push the buttons she knows have worked in the past. She might get nastier as time goes on, but that will go in your favour in case she applies for contact.

And doesn't it show her true colours that it hasn't occurred to her that if she was nice to you, she might actually get to see your child?

HPoirot

Before the mother can apply for leave for a contact order, she will be advised to try and reach an amicable decision with wiggy. And she cannot apply for that order straight away either, she will have to ask for leave of the court to make that application, ie prove that she has a meaningful connection with the son and will not just be wasting the court's time and resources, for the simple reason that she is not a parent of the child and has no automatic right to see him.

Plus she will have to show that any contact will be beneficial to the son. Very often grandparents are ordered indirect contact via letters etc.

Proving that she brings something beneficial to wiggy's child: I mean, she will hardly be advised that she was doing him good by trying to take him away from his mother for a holiday in Spain, however much she thinks she is in the right.

If she goes as far as over the threshold of a solicitor's office over this, which I doubt she will, she wil have to think very hard about the expense, time and hurdles awaiting her, plus the likelihood of her application being rejected.

I would relax, as far as I can see, this is just another threat from a bully who is a very long road away from being granted a contact order with wiggy's son.

wiggywoo9

I think you were all right. I'm late back- been at the school all day and sorting CM, which went great. I had a text from her again, something like I think we need to talk about this situation, what time would suit you? I was absolutely knackered when I got it, just about ready to finish the dinner and sleep, so I have ignored it plus the previous one I mentioned.

I can see her coming round, reiterating I'm pathetic, stop being silly, etc., maybe asking if I gave up my TA role as no childcare, talking aout everything X has missed. I didn't need it and had no energy so haven't bothered to reply. I've put lights off downstairs and checked my locks, think I'll read and hope she doesn't show. If she does I'll probably just call the police. If I let her in, I can see her being desperate enough to try something.

Regarding someone's mention if it was me who posted about her making me homeless and taking my son, that was indeed me. Fun poster, aren't I!

Regarding legal issues, I don't think I have any evidence. What would count except the texts? Old texts from previous situations have gone, I couldn't keep them and didn't want to reread them. I'm thinking she could use photos, cards, maybe show toys (our toys!!) in the house? She does have a solicitor from issues with my dad long ago.

I phoned the police when they took my son, using a neighbour down the street's phone, but I felt like Carrie in Homeland. One mention of mental health issues and they were against me. They treated me poorly, I even heard them saying 'well, it is her kid. You can't keep him, We're really sorry' and acted as if I were a criminal. After my family grabbed and hauled him from my arms earlier in the situation, they threw me physically into the garden, locked the door and laughed through the glass. I went through the bunker of camping gear, in garden, to find a mallet to smash the lounge glass door to get to my crying toddler. My mum came out to stop me, and failing to find a mallet, I grabbed an old dinghy oar and whacked it at her arms to move her out the way, her laughing the whole time, me yelling help thinking the neighbors might come. I climbed over the gate and got him out of the car seat they'd put him in, and ran down the road, still bare foot. My sister then wrestled him off me after the local school caretaker refused to open his door to let me call police. They took my tot into their house and locked the door. Which is when I used the phone to call the police.

I'm not making any of this up at all, I really wish it had been a nightmare. I still remember it vividly and it still makes me so angry and so sad. The worst bit is not knowing why- did she just snap? The reason I'm writing it here is that after, she threatened to go to the station and prosecute me for the cuts on her arms, but acted kind and said no. It was such a terrible situation that day, something which will always haunt me. I know I may not have acted the best or thought straight, but it was sheer desperation and panic. That feeling of having your baby taken is beyond anything I've ever felt- never again.