Family cut themselves out of my son's life

melanzana

OP, go with your instincts.

Forget about this and that, it is YOUR instinct in all this that is of paramount importance.

I have learned this too. After much dithering!

I really wish you well. The liberation of saying NO is really hard to beat!

Go girl!

thorsoak

Dear Wiggywoo

Let's just get a couple of things clear:-

1. Your mother has absolutely NO RIGHTS to keep an eye on your son - or you. You are an adult, you have your own home, you are caring for your son in a secure home.

2. She has no legal rights at all - the only rights that she might have are those that YOU allow her - therefore YOU are the person in control.

So, my suggestion is, if possible, you get another PAYG mobile to use for communication with anyone other than your mother. Do not phone or text her ....let her text you as often as she likes -BUT DONT READ THEM!!

jellyhead

She's got a cheek, suggesting that she wants to keep an eye on your son - she's hardly mother of the year herself, is she?! Why doesn't she want to keep an eye on YOU? You are so young, yet she can't manage to take you on holiday with her or forgive you for your behaviour on previous holidays.

I'm not a grandmother, but I suspect that when I am, if I want to take the grandchildren on holiday and am told not without a parent I'd take the parent/s too.

caeler

Your mother has to understand you come as a 'job lot', both of you or none of you. You are so strong and positive, hold your nerve because you are absolutely right and completely motivated by doing right by your child.

MrsAtobe

thorsoak wrote: »

Dear Wiggywoo

snip

So, my suggestion is, if possible, you get another PAYG mobile to use for communication with anyone other than your mother. Do not phone or text her ....let her text you as often as she likes -BUT DONT READ THEM!!

Exactly what I was going to suggest.

Dimey

LannieDuck wrote: »

>>>>

So you tell her that, and if she promises to respect your parenting, you reinstate contact... until she steps out of line. Then you withdraw, tell her why, and tell her that you expect an apology before you'll be in contact again. Be consistent and firm. Make it clear what you want from her, and stick to it.

I don't know if it will work. I'm sure others will have opinions I'm just worried that withdrawing now without saying why won't solve anything and will leave you with the same problems in the future.

Isn't that what Wiggywoo has already done. She's already spelt it out to her Mum and warned her of the consequences.

Mum has ignored and stepped out of line hence the recommendations for Wiggywoo to withdraw.

This time Wiggywoo is sticking to it and hopefully she'll be consistent.

jjj1980

OP I've posted earlier in the thread so won't repeat myself but just want to let you know I'm still following his and hope everything settles down for and you start feeling more secure.

LannieDuck

Dimey wrote: »

Isn't that what Wiggywoo has already done. She's already spelt it out to her Mum and warned her of the consequences.

Mum has ignored and stepped out of line hence the recommendations for Wiggywoo to withdraw.

This time Wiggywoo is sticking to it and hopefully she'll be consistent.

I'm not sure. I was under the impression Wiggywoo thought her Mum didn't want to see her again, and so was making arrangements to cope without Mum/sister's childcare assistance. I'm not sure whether the message has gone in the other direction - i.e. that Mum needs to behave or Wiggywoo will cease contact. But I may be wrong

mellymoo74

Dimey wrote: »

Isn't that what Wiggywoo has already done. She's already spelt it out to her Mum and warned her of the consequences.

Mum has ignored and stepped out of line hence the recommendations for Wiggywoo to withdraw.

This time Wiggywoo is sticking to it and hopefully she'll be consistent.

This:money: as I said before wiggys mum will never understand that her behaviour is wrong wiggy needs to decide if she can deal with it and lauhh it off or whether to cut her losses.
There are 3 of us, I stopped contact first and no longer have any anger towards my mum she just isnt capable of being a good mother, the middle child cut contact with her and is still angry the youngest sees her regularly none of us are right we all are.

Wiggy - you could spend this time planning your Christmas making sure you start your traditions would help you not to brood. I agree with the posters suggesting mom and tot group's as well if you get some friends (face to face ones as well as us lot) it will helpuyou feel less isolated.

Dimey

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'm not sure. I was under the impression Wiggywoo thought her Mum didn't want to see her again, and so was making arrangements to cope without Mum/sister's childcare assistance. I'm not sure whether the message has gone in the other direction - i.e. that Mum needs to behave or Wiggywoo will cease contact. But I may be wrong

Yes and maybe I'm remembering things from Wiggywoo's Christmas Traditions thread that I thought were mentioned here!