Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Corelli

OK, of course all this is very stressful. It sounds like your worst fear is that she would be given custody? I am sure that is a very over the top worry, but she might get some support for supervised contact. Legally, any one involved with this will be looking at your son's best interests and you need to make them realise that seeing her is not in his best interests.. You are not seen as a risk by your health visitor or doctor or any other childare professionals you have had dealings with are you?

You need to hear this from professionals though, not strangers on a forum. There is legal aid (depending on inome and benefits) for family mediation, and finding out about legal support from law students is an excellent idea.

I googled on legal aid for family mediation in the area I thought I remembered you mentioning long time ago, then thought maybe talking about your area might not be so good for the sake of your privacy. It was a search that bought up some helpful looking links and I'm sure you will find the same.

It's going to be OK. Mention all this stress to your GP when you see them for your headaches. (((((((( HUGS )))))))

RAS

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I wrote to him before and tried that, until my mum interfered, bringing up all the bad stuff about leaving when I was pregnant, he doesn't care, etc, and sabotaged it all. I think he's given up.

So write to him again and explain that your mother is no longer in the picture and she can no longer interfere.

Very few fathers would not want to have contact with their child. However most people outside your family would find it impossible to bear being around your mother, based on what you have said.

Suggest a brief supervised meeting first introduce your son to his dad.

rpc

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I can't PROVE she is doing anything other than being a 'concerned mother'.

You don't need to prove anything for a harassment warning.

For an injunction, you need to prove that you feel harassed. That won't be hard with the collection of messages you have. Even the best of intentions can end up as harassment. Worse intentions get there quicker.

It has nothing to do with the contact/residence argument. This is to do with whether her behaviour is reasonably considered to be harassing and that can include "causing the person distress." I think it is fair to say she is causing you distress and if a reasonable person would expect her behaviour to cause you distress then she is harassing you!

If convicted of harassment, she can go to jail. A fine may be more likely. If a restraining order is made then she can be arrested and charged for breaching that order too.

The police will laugh at me.

Wrong - the police are generally a good bunch and if you can speak to the DV unit they are particularly understanding. They might go and have a word, they might serve a harassment notice, they will at least tell you how they can support you. Most people who join the police want to help and protect the public. They want to help folk like you...

CAB will not be able to give any help.

Wrong - this is what they are there for. They are overworked, but they will help you with this.

It's hard when you feel the whole world is against you. But it isn't - the help is out there (CAB, police) but you have to take the first step and go to speak to them.

marmitepotato

Wiggy, please ring the CAB, they may not be able to help but they will put you in touch with someone that can. That's what the CAB is for. Thinking of you....

duchy

Wiggy please calm down and breathe

Your mum is a bully who has made you and the rest of the family think she is always right and the rest of you are always wrong..... But you've broken away .... And likely in time so will your sister. You'll take bullying yourself sometimes but not allow it to be done to your kids ever. That is normal your mothers behaviour however is NOT normal.

Grandparents have NO automatic rights...however like anyone else they can apply for them......heck I could apply for court ordered access to your son. Doesn't mean I'm going to get it. If your Mum had gone to court when you were I'll....yes there was a possibility she'd have succeeded in getting some kind of order BUT you are better. You have qualifications, you have a home and have a happy, healthy, son living in a positive environment and have made the decision as a parent and an ADULT that your Mum is not a positive influence in either of your lives because of her problems with controlling behavior. When though your mother is not respecting you as a parent or an adult a court will. Stop been afraid. Talk to CAB or get free half an hour consultation with a solicitor and get the facts and put your mind at rest.

The fact your Mum just threatening to go to a solicitor can get you in such a state shows how deep her bullying and control has gone and how it will take time to accept deep down that you are the boss of your little family not her but you're getting there one day at a time.

Knowledge is power, get legal advice and quell the unreasonable fears and arm yourself against the things she actually can or could do.

As for student finance they are rubbish. Just fill out the forms again and send them off. It'll get sorted.

paulineb_2

Cab should be able to give you advice or refer you to someone. Try and look for a family law centre. Also I agree, write to your ex and be honest about what's happened. You also have the option of getting the CSa involved if you aren't getting enough maintenance.

Please do not let your mother ruin the rest of your life. Life is tough for lots of people, keep battling, that's all you can do.

duchy

RAS wrote: »

So write to him again and explain that your mother is no longer in the picture and she can no longer interfere.

Very few fathers would not want to have contact with their child. However most people outside your family would find it impossible to bear being around your mother, based on what you have said.

Suggest a brief supervised meeting first introduce your son to his dad.

This is good advice
If he refuses you've lost nothing.
You say yourself your Mum was the instigator before. Why a grandmother would want to drive their grand child's father out of their lives just underlines her bullying and control issues. Surely now things have changed your ex and your son deserve the chance to get to know each other ?

duchy

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where your Mum tells a court she's applying for access because she wants to take a two year old abroad for two weeks and Mum isn't welcome . Can you see how ridiculous this sounds?

wiggywoo9

Yes I suppose so, but I think her motive is now to get regular contact, she's dropped the holiday thing from all her texts. I would not mind the contact as long as there is no nastiness to come with it, she is not permitted to take him anywhere other than the house they are in and she doesn't start on me again. I'm not putting up with the put-downs, disrespect and attitude to me though. It should be clear to any legal person that that is not how things work.

With regards to my ex, I want to do it, I'm just very aware of how many times we've been over this bridge and I think he'll react badly to me wanting him in my son's life, after trying twice before, where it was abruptly ended due to pressure and strain from my mum, not to mention kicking up all the dust about his betrayal, leaving me pregnant etc. I think he'll expect it to end the same and block him again. I don't know how to word a letter that avoids me blaming everything on my mum, because it WAS me who stopped it, but her jabs, etc., if that makes sense?

Does anyone know if you have to make an appointment at a police station? I've never been in one. Is it dodgy like on TV? (sorry sounds stupid but genuinely haven't stepped near one) as I'd have my boy with me?

I clicked through the legal aid thing through directgov, which will message you advice and see if they can help, hoping that'll do something. I have a GP appointment in an hour or so, for headaches, is there anything I should do there? I don't want to abruptly ask him/her to check my child in case of abuse! but something similar maybe?

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I would not mind the contact as long as there is no nastiness to come with it, she is not permitted to take him anywhere other than the house they are in and she doesn't start on me again. I'm not putting up with the put-downs, disrespect and attitude to me though. It should be clear to any legal person that that is not how things work.

Just how realistic is that? If you leave your little one with her, who knows what poison she'll start pouring into his head?

I wouldn't agree to anything more than supervised contact in a centre. I don't think she'd be able to able to keep playing nice and that she'll show her true colours to the staff there.