Family cut themselves out of my son's life

paulineb_2

I also think given that your mum tried to abduct your child, considering anything but supervised contact would be a huge mistake. Thats if you want to consider contact at all.

Mojisola

HPoirot wrote: »

If it ever comes to legal proceedings, Wiggy shouldn't be offering this outright; who knows, the mother might decide to up the ante. I would start with no contact at all on the grounds that she has a domineering and cruel attitude and would only serve to confuse Wiggy's son. Plus, she has a history of threatening to take him abroad for a holiday without his mother's permission.

Totally agree with this. Some negotiation will be expected so start with no contact but have supervised contact as the absolute limit.

esmy

I have read all your threads, Wiggy, so just my two pennorth..

Firstly you have no need to take your son to the doctor for 'proof' you are not harming him. I assume you've had the usual contact with GP/HV for him so there will be records of his health and development in your care.

Secondly, does your ex uni/college have a counselling/advice service?? They often do and many will see ex students. Could be another way of getting free advice.

Thirdly (sorry this is getting longer than expected!) many family solicitors offer free advice sessions, either free surgeries or at least a free half hour..just google 'free family solicitor advice' + your area. However, I would leave this till you hear from your mothers solicitor - this may well be an empty threat from her to get you to jump when she says so. And if you do get a letter, it is just that and has no more standing than a letter from anyone else, but it will give you and any advisor you choose to see an idea of where your mum is pitching her bid to see your son.

Finally, if you want to speak to the police re your options, ring 101 which will connect you to the police in your area. You can explain your concerns and they will be able to advise. The operators are usually very good.

Hope this helps. Keep coming back here as you have had loads of good advice from other posters. And from a fellow sufferer hope you get your migraine sorted.

duchy

I had the most fantastic relationship with my parents ....but even when they didn't agree with some of my child rearing ideas (nothing too out there just the usual generational stuff) they respected I was the mother and my decision was final (although we'd obviously discuss it) however if they had EVER tried to abduct my son or even threatened to - That would have been the end of any and all contact. That is what is normal.

Wiggy ....can you take a step away and think if this was happening to a friend rather than to you...... What advice would you give them ?

Dimey

Sorry you're feeling so bad Wiggy. The migranes are down to the stress of worrying over what your Mum is doing. Your son will see your pain so you must get well to stop him worrying.

My view is that you should tell your GP everything and ask for help to cope with the stress as well as the migranes.

You can just go to the police anytime with all your texts and explain everything and ask for an injunction as has previously been explained. They won't laugh at you. You don't know what they can do till they listen to you and review what you have. They'll talk you through everything and make further appointments as necessary.

I would not offer for your Mum to have access because she'll crucify your son's good happy image of you. It would damage his upbringing. If it goes to court, the judge will see that. If it has to happen then let the judge order supervised visitation in a centre where your Mother's every word can be monitored. But I very much doubt a judge would allow your Mother visitation at all.

wiggywoo9

Thank you ever so much, all of you

I went to GP and she prescribed some medicine to 'block' the migraine, so hopefully that helps. As for my son being worried, he wasn't at all, just liked toys at GP surgery and excited as he has a PJ day tomorrow at nursery! I also said about the situation to the GP, not all just the issues with family, wanting either custody/contact and causing problems, also that I had PND last year and they may kick it up. I asked if I can contact HV anytime or only during parts of the developmental year, she said they are always there, no problem. I asked if it was possible to do a check over my son, just to support me in the situation, she didn't have time today but we booked it in when she's back in. She said she's happy to do it head to toe, but commented that he looked bright, active and normal.
So that's done, happy there. Going to call HV tomorrow, possibly dial 101 too, but not sure if I should just go into the station though, as I have the texts? I am typing up the letter to my ex at the moment. My son has nursery tomorrow and Fri, plus other things I've got on then too, but I'm wondering if I can go into the station on Sat? I'm trying to not disrupt my son's routine and get him to all his nursery sessions too, better for him, better for others to see he's going regularly, and gives a good report back from nursery too, if I need it.

BitterAndTwisted

I'd recommend that you have a chat with the HV first before you decide whether to call in at the police station or not. But in your shoes I would be considering contacting Womens Aid before the cops as I suspect they may have more resources to hand than you imagine. And very possibly better practical advice, too.

meritaten

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you ever so much, all of you

I went to GP and she prescribed some medicine to 'block' the migraine, so hopefully that helps. As for my son being worried, he wasn't at all, just liked toys at GP surgery and excited as he has a PJ day tomorrow at nursery! I also said about the situation to the GP, not all just the issues with family, wanting either custody/contact and causing problems, also that I had PND last year and they may kick it up. I asked if I can contact HV anytime or only during parts of the developmental year, she said they are always there, no problem. I asked if it was possible to do a check over my son, just to support me in the situation, she didn't have time today but we booked it in when she's back in. She said she's happy to do it head to toe, but commented that he looked bright, active and normal.
So that's done, happy there. Going to call HV tomorrow, possibly dial 101 too, but not sure if I should just go into the station though, as I have the texts? I am typing up the letter to my ex at the moment. My son has nursery tomorrow and Fri, plus other things I've got on then too, but I'm wondering if I can go into the station on Sat? I'm trying to not disrupt my son's routine and get him to all his nursery sessions too, better for him, better for others to see he's going regularly, and gives a good report back from nursery too, if I need it.

you are on the right track now wiggy! but lordy, its been hard work getting you there! You are more than a match for your mother hun! your sheer stubbornness and dogged determination will see you through! I am being very honest here because you although you need support - you don't need 'soft-soaping'.

I shouldn't worry about how the police will treat you - they are professionals and a visit to the police station is NOTHING like it looks on tv!
I accompanied my son who was being questioned about an offence, and honestly they were really nice to us! even gave us tea and coffee and apologised they had run out of biscuits! So, in your situation I am sure they will listen carefully and offer good advice!

I think writing to your ex is a good idea, let him know you are out of the danger zone now!

Counting_Pennies_2

Well done in getting the first steps completed.

In terms of making sure you have support around you, have you tried Homestart?

You don't have to be unstable to have them come to you. If you have no family/friend support around you, a volunteer will come out and spend 2 hours a week with you and your son and give you support, company and guidance.

It might also help you back up your documentation as they can report what a stable home you are giving your son

Dimey

Good work with the Doctor, Wiggy.

I'm sure Saturday will be fine to visit the police. Maybe give Womens Aid a call tomorrow or Friday to see what they have to say first. Their number is on one of my earlier posts.

Your son sounds wonderful.