Family cut themselves out of my son's life

mysecretalias

Dimey wrote: »

My advice continues to be - have no contact with your Mother. Do not reply to her texts.

I still think you should get a restraining order or an injunction which you'll need to get via the police. This will help your case if your Mother takes you to court. Go visit the domestic violence team at your local police station. The sooner the better so it doesn't look like a tit for tat retaliation on your part after you receive any communication from a solicitor.

The purpose of the restraining order should be to prevent your Mother harassing you and threatening to abduct your son. Just tell your story and take everything to show the police.

As mentioned before, you might be able to get free legal advice from Women's Aid. They normally deal with a spouse threatening children but in this case its your Mother doing the threatening. Explain it them and you never know, they may help. Tel: 0808 802 5565 / http://www.solacewomensaid.org/get-help/legal-services/

Womens Aid can also advise re the injunction.

I absolutely agree with this. She is harassing you mad making your life a misery. Go get a restraining order. This will look even worse on her part if she gets legal advice.

And go to CAB - they give you advice for free. You can find your nearest one by googling CAB and going to their website.

meritaten

I wasn't suggesting legal advice because I thought wiggys mum had any chance in court! BUT - letters from solicitors can sound a lot more threatening than they really are! They are not worth the paper they are written on, legally speaking.
Yes CAB would be a good first stop if uni cant help. I didn't realise that you had actually finished your studies - sorry wiggy, got THAT wrong!
Yes, tell them the full story - perhaps write it down first so you stick to the facts and don't get sidetracked?
I also think that it would benefit you to talk to the police and perhaps explore a restraining or harrassment order? I know you are extremely reluctant to do this, but an 'official' report carries some weight. Especially if she deludes some poor solicitor into taking this to court?

Yorkie1

I agree with all the advice above to seek your own advice, WW (hope the migraine has resolved too, btw).

What you need to bear in mind is that your mum's solicitor will only have her side of the story. So your mum will have outlined all the back history; the illness and your inability to cope previously; your 'out of character' refusal to engage with the family; her fears that you cutting yourself off from your 'only sources of support' are an indication that you are becoming unwell again. The way in which she was 'so helpful to you in the past, but that you are refusing all help now - and are not even responding to texts so she has to be increasingly concerned for your welfare'. And that as your child's welfare is paramount, 'she needs access in order to ensure that'. And so on.

If she goes to the solicitor with this story, the solicitor may well advise her to contact social services. That triggers other stuff which you will then have to respond to.

I'm not suggesting that you should give in to her but if you fail to respond in any way at all, then her 'fears' can be made to seem all the more reasonable.

This is why posters have been suggesting for some time now that you need to get your side of things documented independently. Sorry, can't remember whether you've been to the police, your health visitor etc. I know you've told the child minder.

I don't think she's going to swipe your child at the moment, but she sounds completely prepared to get a solicitor's letter sent to you and this will just place extra pressure on you.

Please do get advice.

GobbledyGook

I'm also not saying get advise because wiggy's mum is in with a shout.

However the mother is clearly a bully who thrives on making wiggy feel worried and insecure.

The single best way to counteract that, and therefore protect yourself and your son, is to know properly what she can and can't do. Also to know what you can and can't do at each step she makes.

If you are fully informed you'll feel better and you'll know what is coming if she is taking advise and you'll know how best to react (or not) to it.

RAS

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I'm getting anxious about this legal thing now- I finished uni in July and they can't help with it obviously. I can't afford a solicitor, I'm on IS and stretched as it is for this CM!!

wiggywoo

Does the law course at your old university run a Law Centre? These are student run under supervision by qualified lawyers? Or maybe there is a closer university that offers the same service?

Please note that the chance of your mother being able to take your son are minimal to non-existant although she can make your life difficult for a while.

It will be harder for her to get a contact order if you can demonstrate support for your son from outside her family.

What is the situation regarding your ex; does he have any contact?

You mentioned that he lived round the corner from your mother's at some stage? Do you have any contact with his parents?

And have you asked your ex for maintenance as this might be a way of getting some extra money together to fund legal fees?

wiggywoo9

Hi completely stressed right now, had to leave placement early yesterday cos of these migraines, had them constantly for a few days, going to GP after my tot's nursery. Feeling a bit lost- don't know where to start and feel I've got nothing to support me! I can say all the thing she's done, show the texts, but at the of the day, I can't PROVE she is doing anything other than being a 'concerned mother'. The police will laugh at me. CAB will not be able to give any help. I don't have any support out of family AT ALL, this is going to go against me! Ha, my ex! He doesn't give a toss, he's had it with me and them, his sister once called the SS on me in spite!!

I've got student finance chasing me after forms that have got lost or had errors, done FOUR times, now wanting £1000s back in overpaid grants because of their mistakes with nursery fees and one missing surname on a form!!

These headaches are literally killing me, I can't see when I have one and it hurts like hell! I missed my class on mon cos of them and now behind in maths!

And don't even talk about finances for this legal mess- I'm telling you straight, I have no money to my name other than the benefits I get, all gone to CM, bills, paying off overdraft, now student finance!! I cannot afford to pay a lawyer or solicitor, I cannot afford to get the bloody bus in to town to even see the police!

I get Child Maintenance, ha, a measly £20 at end of the month, gone this month already to a big water and internet bill!

missprice

OK WW
Sweetie it will all be OK.
Your mother can't take your child, I swear she simply can't.

You are doing so well, and this will pass
Your stressing cos if your mothers last text.
Ignore her
Let her get on with wasting her money assuming she really is even bothering to see a solicitor.
If you get a letter, post it up here so we can tell you what it really means, usually hot air and scam.

RAS

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

These headaches are literally killing me, I can't see when I have one and it hurts like hell! I missed my class on mon cos of them and now behind in maths!

Please get yourself to the doctors in that case ASAP. When you are a single parent you need to look after yourself better than when you are just single.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Ha, my ex! He doesn't give a toss, he's had it with me and them, his sister once called the SS on me in spite!!

wiggy

If your ex had a much trouble with your mother and family as you have had, and did not have the family ties, it is not surprising that he does not give a toss and wants out.

At least he has been paying the minimum required.

How about writing to him at his parent's address and explaining that you have also moved out of your family's life and asking if he wants contact with your son? Long-term that would benefit all three of you.

wiggywoo9

I wrote to him before and tried that, until my mum interfered, bringing up all the bad stuff about leaving when I was pregnant, he doesn't care, etc, and sabotaged it all. I think he's given up.

newcook

Apologies if this has already been suggested but is it possible to go to the police and show the texts/phone logs etc and ask for an injunction to be put in place? Or to ask them to have a word with her as she is harassing you?

You should not have to put up with this sort of behaviour from anyone – she knows she is getting to you and knows that it will all be stressing you out and making you lose sleep etc. it wouldn’t surprise me if she is trying to completely burn you out so she can then say to SS you are unfit to look after your son and he would be better off with her!