Family cut themselves out of my son's life

mysecretalias

Wiggy alternatively could you send a friend request to your sisters boyfriend on Facebook and if he accepts, pass a message on that way? Surely he wouldn't have any qualms about accepting your request as I assume he's not under your mothers grasp?

wiggywoo9

My sister's boyfriend is a WHOLE new story, ha! When she had her baby, mum didn't want him on the birth cert until he'd 'proved' himself (though he'd stuck through it, bought stuff, supported her etc, more than my ex did). I fought for him, saying that wasn't on, just cos he didn't have a job, he's done everything else! Nope, stuck me the black sheep on the bad list for everyone to accuse of betrayal, my youngest sister to slap me as well! He didn't get put on the cert and he's not too good at sticking up for himself or too bright so just keep lugging along with whatever treatment he's given. He won't even look at me if I see them two in town, guilty by association, or something.
So no, not even gonna both with such a cowardly person. He was there when they took my son and party to it all. He damn well knew it was a wrong thing to do but obeyed the 'dictator'- my mum. He'll be screwed if he messes up with my sister or mum now, a he has no PR for their child, and no brains or courage to fight for it.

duchy

Quite honestly Wiggy your sister knows where you live and she has a car . When she is ready she'll be in touch. Unlike you she's not alone she has her boyfriend for support so it isn't urgent at this point. As you say sooner or later you'll bump into her in town anyway.

meritaten

your sisters boyfriend is totally cowed down then - no help there! or is it? give him a chance to redeem himself and contact him. Do NOT of course give him any details but just to pass a message to your sister - that you love her and would love her to contact you via facebook or text. then see what happens.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

My sister's boyfriend is a WHOLE new story, ha! When she had her baby, mum didn't want him on the birth cert until he'd 'proved' himself (though he'd stuck through it, bought stuff, supported her etc, more than my ex did). I fought for him, saying that wasn't on, just cos he didn't have a job, he's done everything else! Nope, stuck me the black sheep on the bad list for everyone to accuse of betrayal, my youngest sister to slap me as well! He didn't get put on the cert and he's not too good at sticking up for himself or too bright so just keep lugging along with whatever treatment he's given. He won't even look at me if I see them two in town, guilty by association, or something.
So no, not even gonna both with such a cowardly person. He was there when they took my son and party to it all. He damn well knew it was a wrong thing to do but obeyed the 'dictator'- my mum. He'll be screwed if he messes up with my sister or mum now, a he has no PR for their child, and no brains or courage to fight for it.

Maybe he's terrified his relationship with his kid will be taken away by your mother if he speaks out? He's seen what's happened to you, after all, and you're the mother of a child they tried to abduct.

jellyhead

You could send a christmas card to the bf's house - at least then your sister would know it had been sent.

We're discussing this with the boy I've taken in. His teenage sister won't talk to him, and he had no contact from them on his 18th birthday, but he misses the younger sister, and I think that if he at least sends her a christmas card she'll know he is thinking of her and didn't 'abandon' her. It probably won't work because the father will have already turned them against him, but at least he will have tried.

Everything you say about your mother's actions just scream how brave you are to break free, and what an abnormal way she has of conducting relationships. Why on earth should your sister's bf not be on the birth certificate, for heaven's sake! Why would your sister allow your mother to control such a thing? It's bonkers, and you are so much better off out of it xx

duchy

Quite honestly your sister having seen how your Mum has treated you may be scared stiff to contact you in case she gets the same. The best thing you can do is wait. Send a card and gift for your nephew by all means. When and if your sister is at the point of making the break she'll see by seeing you getting on with your life.

wiggywoo9

There has been a development. I was at my placement today, suffering with a blinding migraine, when who texts me?

'are you going to let me see X now? as have made an appointment with solicitors for this afternoon else, I don't want to take this route but I will if you don't let me see him?'

No paraphrasing. At first I was worried and concerned, but then I just thought, what the hell! What can she actually do? See him one day a week? I don't mind if the court orders that. That's their decision. But she can't have him, she can't take him and that, to be honest, is the bottom line. There's nothing she can do to me.

Any thoughts?

If its her old solicitor, she'll A) have to pay for it as she is working, and if the advice offered here is correct, she's not entitled to anything at all. I haven't heard anything else so all I can think is that she didn't get told the news she wanted, or did, and is following their advice. Odd of her not to brag or wave it in my face though.

GobbledyGook

You need to get your own legal advice. Even though I've been through something similar I wouldn't say x or y would happen. You need to get advice specific to your situation.

You also need to decide what to do if she does seek access legally. Have you put together all the reason you don't want her as part of your & your child's life?

If she's determined to drag you to court then you need to prepare yourself. It doesn't sound to me like she's going to give up.

What will you do if the courts do let her see him? Will you cope with that? Will you need to organise a neutral party to deal with hangovers? Would your son be safe with her for an hour, a day etc

Don't assume that she'll see sense after speaking to a lawyer and not getting the answer she wants. Without wanting to be scaremongering I thought that. I thought being told by "officials" she was to stay away from us meant it was over. It very nearly cost me my daughters - and that was over 18 months down the line when I thought she'd moved on!

barbiedoll

Why would the courts "order" weekly contact with her? She isn't your baby's parent, she doesn't have any form of PR over him and she's clearly highly unstable.

I don't want you to contact her but if you get any more hassle, get a restraining order against her. I don't think you'll have any trouble getting one, she is harassing you, isn't she?

Call her bluff and carry on ignoring her for now. She doesn't have a leg to stand on and if she didn't know it before, she will after the solicitor's appointment. It's a shame about your sister but she will have to find her own way, and I'm sure that she will sooner or later.

I love reading this thread, you are inspiring and a credit to yourself and your son. Take care, hope the migraine has eased a little!