Family cut themselves out of my son's life

HPoirot

Same here, I do not think the childminder should know about your PND.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thing with police is that I don't have any texts that DIRECTLY mention abducting him, its always carefully worded or put.

Maybe this?

'if anything happened to me like UNCLE X than youll be wising youd let him'

'but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him'

I've only got things that word it to put blame on me like 'youre not letting', 'youre stopping', 'maybe you'll be more trusting'. Ideas?

Wow she is one clever manipulator isn't she? These texts don't suggest that she really cares about your son or that she thinks you are not fit to look after him, but rather that's what she wants you to believe. It's all about her isn't it? Carefully worded too so that she comes out smelling of roses every time the police or any one looks at the situation.

If you do not think the police would take you seriously then you should definitely tell the HV about the situation, as others have said your mum might be on the phone to SS.

Dimey

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

>>>

Thing with police is that I don't have any texts that DIRECTLY mention abducting him, its always carefully worded or put.

Maybe this?

'if anything happened to me like UNCLE X than youll be wising youd let him'

'but I still want to see X to keep an eye on him'

I've only got things that word it to put blame on me like 'youre not letting', 'youre stopping', 'maybe you'll be more trusting'. Ideas?

Yes Take those texts. In fact take all your texts. Just tell the police everything and they will extract what they need. They may not be able to do anything specific at present but at least, if your Mother kicks off again or attempts to abduct your son, they will have a track record as supporting evidence.

Keeping the police informed calmly and concisely also demonstrates you are a sensible adult in need of protection. And not the picture your Mother will paint as an unhinged teenager fighting her Mother.

meritaten

how are you today wiggy?

duchy

Wiggy's hardly a teenager-she has a degree so is at least 21.
You used your son's name in a post earlier today Wiggy-you might want to edit it out for privacy ?

I reckon someone has put your Mum straight about her "rights" (or rather non rights) but with Christmas approaching I'm sure you'll get the "Oh he needs to see family as it is Christmas" line. So be prepared to deal with that manipulative behaviour and think ahead about what YOU want so you don't get caught on the hop. Also remember family is not a package deal - you can see your sister and her baby without your Mum if you both want that.

thorsoak

Actually, Wiggy-woo - is there any surprise that you suffered badly from PND with the mother that you have been saddled with? None whatsoever! She should have been supportive of you and encouraged you in your handling of your new baby - but did she? No, she took him away from you, probably saying "here- give him to me, you'll never get him to settle/feed etc when you are like that" - am I right?

You are doing a great job! - and you can make a truly wonderful Christmas for you and your little one!

cazpumpkin

duplicated post, my apologies xx

cazpumpkin

Hi there, having read through the entire thread, I would go and see the GP, Health Visitor, Police AND go to adult social services and ask to speak to the duty officer and outline everything that's happened , write down a brief outline and get photocopies and give a copy to the GP, Police, HV and SS , put everything in writing. If SS ask why you feel they need to know or what do you think they can offer you ( they often say what do you expect us to do nowadays as everything is cut back due to financial restraints) turn round and say "you tell me" ? or "I expect you to deal with this formally as theyre harrassing me" or merely " i want to pro actively keep you abreast of this developing situation as my family will try every trick in the book to make out its all my fault" tell them you have had family issues in the past and through no fault of your own became homeless, but youre in a good place now, with a new home, studies, CMs sorted, HV happy etc .

Explain that you feel your family is being emotionally abusive, threatening and manipulative towards you and trying to control you and being deeply unpleasant and threatening when you wont comply

and as part of your growing insight and strength you can see this isn't how healthy families behave to each other

and that you want to proactively distance yourself from your birth family whilst you make a long term decision as to whether you want them in your life or not

and that you want to gather a healthy group of people around you such as , friends, neighbours, other parents, church, toddler groups , hobby groups etc etc

Explain that since you've communicated this to your family they have escalated their threats and are in a power struggle for control and rights over your son.

Tell them that you are a good enough parent and tell them that what you actually want is for them to assist you in consolidating , reinforcing and keeping your authority as the primary caregiver and for SS and the Police to remind your birth family of these facts and for SS and the Police to acknowledge that you are being harassed and threatened and that you want records kept of your complaint and that you want them to inform you of anything that they are meant to do or any information or assistance that they can give you regarding everything. Sit there and tell them you are not happy with the way your birth family are making you feel and that you do not want contact with them for the foreseeable future and that you want somebody to be the middle man to formally relay this information to them at a distance and tell the police if your birth family do not desist then you want to take the matter further or you want the police to do something if they persist. Ask the police if there are any non spousal restraining orders or cautions which can be issued as you are making a formal complaint.


Explain that the reason you are visiting them is that you feel that you have no choice because you feel its only a matter of time before your birth family run to the authorities with cooked up tittle tattle tales about you .


Tell them you want to live a normal, peaceful life free from bullying & that as a responsible parent you don't want your son to be subjected to the same abuse that you have suffered, nor taken anywhere such as out of the country without your consent and take it from there.

duchy

That is a thought provoking suggestion that Wiggy,s Mums controlling attitude and wanting to take over when the baby was born could have been a major factor in Wiggy,s PND.

wiggywoo9

You're quite right, it was utter turmoil under that roof. After I had him, it was all 'I'll do it' or similar things. I would sit in my room and cry, just cry, because I was so tired and these things kept making me feel paranoid they were trying to take him. I mentioned this to the doctor when first referred, my mum had my sister sit in to hear everything, and nothing was done, just suggestions that I need more help.

I told them I was tired and had a huge list of issues with them, which was taken by dr. When I tried to commit suicide, my mother outright refused to be sympathetic, said she wouldn't have cared and coaxed me to tell drs it was a mistake, hadn't meant it, etc, to get me out, acting ashamed. The second time, I was sick of it all and told the drs, no, I had meant it but decided I couldn't do it at last minute because of my baby, all alone, no mum or dad. I also had feelings that I didn't actually want to die, just escape from that environment.

Every time the HV was round, mum would pretty up the home, stay in the room and make sure everything was picture perfect, saying they'd take him away if it wasn't. I tried several times to move out, but everyone kept telling me I wouldn't get HB or get a private rented place or get up housing list. She also had this way of 'cocooning' us, having dinner ready when I get back from uni, tidying our rooms, bathing baby, offering gifts or low rent, that made you feel you couldn't 'play house' by yourself and that it was best to stay.

When my sister got pregnant by accident (whole other story, my sister was 17, was allowed frequent 'sleepovers' with her boyfriend in caravan), they didn't bother telling me til she was around 17 weeks as they thought I'd be angry. It did however, increase the rivalry as there just wasn't enough room in the house for babies and though my mum told me to stay, it was really tough. They were also very encouraging and happy around my sister's pregnancy, as they liked and could equally manipulate her bf.

My son's dad was never good enough and there is a whole tale behind that and my mum. I was made homeless in that situation too, but at least had him there to offer support and a home. She also played a part in breaking that up, encouraged single parenthood and pointed out all his flaws. I only had two other boyfriends after that, both barely lasted a month due to my mum. When things got tough my son's dad, she only pushed further. I think we may have lasted longer or ended better if not for that. Now, contact with him is ruined because of her interfering, and he's grown into a immature person anyway.

Sorry, sometimes feel like I'm talking to a shrink or something when on here!

trolleyrun

Wiggy, you've been through so much, and you still have a fighting spirit. You will reach far with this, there's no doubt in my mind. As for your last sentence in your last post, you might benefit from counselling, but that's for you to decide whether it will do anything for you or not. It's a big possibility that writing here is therapeutic enough

Your mother sounds horrid, I'm sorry to say. It's evident (to me) that she doesn't seem to care about you at all. That's not your fault! That's her issue and you don't deserve to be treated badly. Reading your posts, your mother greatly contributed to your PND. No doubt in my mind.

You've made such good progress so far and you'll continue on your new journey and make a lovely life for yourself and your little one. The world is your oyster, you can do anything you want! Keep going, girl - you're doing great