Family cut themselves out of my son's life

GobbledyGook

Oh Wiggy she really knows the buttons.

Think about the Thomas thing logically. Where would she find out he's into it? Chances are it's just a fluke. Look at the card section for reassurance next time you go shopping and you'll see that Thomas is so popular with boys that age that it's just a lucky guess. However, use it as a chance to just remind your childminder or nursery again just as a reassurance.

I'd keep the cards. Your mother's card is very telling and is something that will say a lot too Wiglet when he's an adult and old enough to understand it.

She's trying to portray that she loves him so much she keeps buying him gifts. However they are not gifts she posts to him. They are not gifts she leaves on your doorstep in the hope he'll get them and make use of them. They are gifts she wants to stack into a pile and point at saying 'look at what you could have had, but she wouldn't let you'. Look at the difference between her stance and your granny's stance. Your Granny put cash in the card because she wants to give Wiglet a birthday gift.... Your mother wants to give wiglet a birthday gift, but only if it suits her (i.e. in her home).

Same with the comment about home. Most children's home is with their mother. Wiglet hasn't lived with her for how long now? However she still considers Wiglet's place as being with her.

Her card is a prime example of why you have taken the steps you have taken. It's a passive aggressive dig at you and a self-pitying woe is me attempt with Wiglet (for if/when he reads it).

You are doing amazingly well. You have put Wiglet first and he is thriving. The fact that you have birthday cards rather than legal letters speaks volumes. She knows her previous tactics are not working and now she's trying the 'look how nice I am'.

mel48rose

I too had nitemare family members. Always controlling, everything had to be on their terms etc etc. When I got to 50 I decided that enough was enough. I cut my ties with them after telling them how I felt. Me and my 3 sons are far happier without them in our lives. Their visits were once in a blue moon anyway. I don't even think about them anymore. Unfortunately you can't pick your family. Just have good reliable caring friends instead xx

LocoLoco

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

First let me say I'm sorry for posting again, don't want to hog the board, just going through some difficulties and honestly this is the only place I'll get any help.

Ok so, a few days ago, I had an argument with family- things were going fine with them, suddenly they wanted to take my 2 year old to Spain next year. I said a holiday in the UK was fine but not abroad, not without me, wasn't comfortable with it, not in my gut and no matter who is with, I feel there's too much risk for him being so little. He can't say his own name, he's only two and I just think of kids like Maddie, plus its 14 days which is too, too long.

They said they would cut the relationship unless I let him, they have a right to take him wherever, whenever. I explained my reasons and offered a compromise of a week holiday in the UK, possibly two through the year. A beach is still a beach! No texts. Yesterday night they were supposed to collect him for his usual stay over at theirs. No texts, no calls, silence.

So I'm guessing they're either trying to blackmail me into it with silence or have followed through. I'm pretty surprised tbh, a holiday argument worth the relationship and love for my son? And they really love seeing my son, and I thought our relationship had improved. Even my sister! Not going into it all now but need advice.

Basically, it is just me. Me alone. My son's dad doesn't want to see him and left 2 weeks into my pregnancy, after a long relationship and engagement. I don't have any friends, uni friends live too far, there's no-one here. I have my son's nursery and crèche staff, and my class teachers, that's it. No real support or shoulder. And frankly, with this new situation I'm terrified.

I'm used to being a single parent but its really hit it home now. I'm going to have to get a CM for my volunteering as part of my TA course, instead of my sister looking after my son. I'm going to have to really put in effort to treat my son, play centres, etc., as there's no sleepover at grandma's. I cant stay at home with him all the time and there are very few things to do in my area. I'm probably gonna have to cancel our trip to Disneyland Paris as there's no-one to look after my dog and guinea pig, and I was so, SO looking forward to that and saved so much for it.

I'm mostly worried that my son will be destroyed by having no-one, except me. No grandma, no aunt, no baby cousin, no dad. And that this will rebound to me, my fault, as though I should give in to blackmail and something I'm not comfortable with.

Has anyone got any advice or help? I see a lot of people here have cut ties from family for one reason or another, but more than often, they have partners and other families, other friends. I have none of that!

Thank you.

Wiggywoo, I've not read the whole thread so I might just be repeating the things that others have said but............................I'm in a similar situation to you, no dad, no family on either side, my son's 12 and he's grown up like that, it's not been a problem for him. It is tough when you don't have family around you but honestly, kids need someone to love them, not a bunch of people that enjoy making their mum feel bad and will use all sorts of threats and passive aggressive behaviour to get their own way. Holidays and big family dos are nice, but if the price you pay for them is abuse (and that is what that sort of behaviour is) then a nice picnic just you and your boy is much better. We don't have a lot of cash but we do have time and that's worth more than all the money in the world. Concentrate on building up friendships and getting to know other people; you're showing your son that he deserves to be treated with respect and kindness and that's what really matters.

rpc

Ignore.

She is trying to push your buttons to get a rise out of you. Don't let her.

Up to you whether you show wiglet the cards or not. Personally, I would be tempted not to.

harrys_nan

LocoLoco,
Very wise words, I'm very glad you and your boy have a lovely life together.You have proved wiggy is probably better off as she is, just her and wiglet. All anyone needs is love and kindness in their lives not bitter ppl trying to run our lives for us.
Wishing you both the very best for your futures x

lilherbz

I have just read the whole of thread, Wow you are amazing!!

Such a strong, independent and inspirational woman and mother. Never lose your spirit.

Your journey has been hard but you've had so much support and love to see you through.

I hope you get the happy ending you and your little one so deserve. xx

wiggywoo9

Small thought:


Nothing to worry about- wonder if anyone even still reads this rubbish anymore!- but I am planning my son's 4th birthday party for next May and I was thinking who to invite. I would quite like my sisters and my nephew back in our lives and have wanted so for a while. I want to send her a message through facebook. I sent one to her near wiglet's birthday thanking her for cards and to pass on love to nan, hoping she was doing okay. It was viewed the same day but had no response.


I just feel so alone and isolated. I have one or two friends and I put a heck of a lot of effort into other activities to help others and meet new people, but its pretty much just me and one-sided. Everyone has ready-made friends and support through family. I feel like I'm orphaned or something. Sure, wiglet has family through his dad now, but I have nothing. It's all for him. I sometimes wonder that if it wasn't for wiglet, I'd have nothing and no-one.


I've tried many times to make friends and meet new people but now, there's just two people I could rely on enough to help- and that's one friend and wiglet's dad! I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why no-one is bothered with just me

purpleshoes_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Small thought:


Nothing to worry about- wonder if anyone even still reads this rubbish anymore!- but I am planning my son's 4th birthday party for next May and I was thinking who to invite. I would quite like my sisters and my nephew back in our lives and have wanted so for a while. I want to send her a message through facebook. I sent one to her near wiglet's birthday thanking her for cards and to pass on love to nan, hoping she was doing okay. It was viewed the same day but had no response.


I just feel so alone and isolated. I have one or two friends and I put a heck of a lot of effort into other activities to help others and meet new people, but its pretty much just me and one-sided. Everyone has ready-made friends and support through family. I feel like I'm orphaned or something. Sure, wiglet has family through his dad now, but I have nothing. It's all for him. I sometimes wonder that if it wasn't for wiglet, I'd have nothing and no-one.


I've tried many times to make friends and meet new people but now, there's just two people I could rely on enough to help- and that's one friend and wiglet's dad! I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why no-one is bothered with just me

I just spoke about this on another thread, do you have any meet up groups near you? Google meet up, you can join as many groups as you like. Im in a group that has 500 members and the majority of these people needed to give their social life a kick start. It doesnt cost you to join and you dont need a lot of money to take part in the activities, there might even be a parent and child group near you.

missprice

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Small thought:


Nothing to worry about- wonder if anyone even still reads this rubbish anymore!-

I just feel so alone and isolated. I have one or two friends and I put a heck of a lot of effort into other activities to help others and meet new people, but its pretty much just me and one-sided. Everyone has ready-made friends and support through family. I feel like I'm orphaned or something.

I've tried many times to make friends and meet new people but now, there's just two people I could rely on enough to help- and that's one friend and wiglet's dad! I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why no-one is bothered with just me

Oh hunny your doing nothing wrong.
I promise you although it looks that way, not everyone has ready made friends.
When I went the no contact rout it was before I had children, but once the children came along my husband left us. Then I was in same situation as you but very untrusting of most ppl. So I had precisely one good friend. And despite trying and actually making friends, I simply did not trust many ppl to be near us.
So although you feel bad now, it all gets better along with child growing up. The children are more able to do different things as they grow, which means you get a wider choice of who can be friends. If you don't like the idea if booking yourself in to groups, book wiglet.

LOADS of us read this thread.

And only you can decide if your strong enough to have sister/gran at party.
Don't feel that you 'have' to.

lostinrates

How do you feel about your sister / grandmother reporting stuff about your life now back to your mother and trying to tell you how much 'hurt you've caused your mother' and so on?