Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Eager_Elephant

I agree with the posters above who mentioned contacting the Police Officer who said he would give her a caution to see what he says.

Did he give her a caution and just not write it up?

It seems odd that she has not been around since the previous incodent.

If you are still not satisified complain to the Police and CRime Commisioner in your area (the new Head Of Police that costs a lot of taxpayers money). They want to be seen to be doing things properly so will look into things.

paigesaunt

Hi Wiggy, discovered you yesterday and spent a fair while reading through the posts, and as someone new, looking at the situation with fresh eyes, the thing that strikes me the most (apart from your amazing strength to make a good and drama free life for little Wig) is how clearly threatened by you, your mother is, and I do use that term loosely, as in my opinion she is not worthy of that title!
Seems to me, it suits her to keep her off springs in her shadow, for fear of being left on her own, and you being the most successful of them all so far, clearly intelligent, able to fend for yourself in your own home etc, is her biggest threat, so it's you she's trying to tame, maybe making you the precedence, in case the other girls try and escape from her evil clutches!
Bullying into submission springs to mind, but thankfully for little Wig, it's not working!
As far as any court proceedings go, in the unlikely event she does Persue it, it would be a very long drawn out and very expensive case, with numerous reports, and assessments, you could insist mother has a psychological assesment to establish her mental state. I imagine it would be no different to a parent wanting contact, therefore CAFCAS would be involved etc, but always remember, your views, thought, feelings etc would be considered way more important than hers, because you speak for little Wig. I went through all this with my son ( his wife refused contact just simply because she could, as you can) a few years ago, and believe me, it's not easy to get contact with your own child, let alone a grandchild, who is settled, happy well cared for etc.
The only card your mother held was the PND and that is clearly in the past, aside from the odd normal bad day everyone has, you have proved you are no longer dependant on her, and she's lost control, something insecure people like her cannot bear!
Why would anyone want their child to be influenced by someone like her, you let little Wig near her, and the whole cycle starts all over again with him thinking it's okay to treat people in the same way, starting with you, then his gf's, wife and then his children.
Ooops, I'm getting a little carried away now, sorry everyone, people like the mother make me so angry!

I had the best mummybear in the whole world, sadly I lost her last year, but I had the most amazing 3 years caring for her every whim!

Finally, Wiggy make her earn the privilege of seeing you, her daughter and grandson, if she doesn't don't let her, she's not good for you, therefore she's not good for little Wig, end of!
Lots if love to you both, and if course dogwig
Be brave and stick with it, no one respects a doormat xx

Elspeth

Wiggy,

Long term lurker just popping up to say hello and please don't panic.

You are doing amazingly, and while I understand it must feel like your safety net has been pulled away, you are a million miles away from your mum getting anything to do with Wiglet without your agreement.
Your mum may try some more, but nothing is going to happen in a hurry, and (as others have said) the longer she goes without seeing him, the less likely it will be considered to be in his interests.

Keeping in touch with the Health Visitor isn't a bad move, just so that you have external evidence, but it will be obvious that you are providing a lovely, stable environment without your mum's 'help' and the fact that you are facilitating contact with Wiglet's dad says so much about your ability to work with others for Wiglet.

On a personal note, and partly in answer to those who have encouraged you to maintain contact with your mum, I had the very dubious benefit of a very difficult person in my life from birth until recently. It would have been extremely hard for my parents to limit this person's influence, but the impact of this person's behaviour and warped expectations caused me and my siblings some real problems growing up, and I am convinced has negatively influenced our ability to excel as adults. So I would urge you to think very carefully about how and when you allow your mum to have anything to do with your son again.

Take care and do keep posting here for support and advice if it helps.

Elspeth

jellyhead

Wiggy, as the others have said you are doing a great job! Making contact with Wiglet's father and facilitating a relationship between them speaks volumes about you and your commitment to his well-being.

You're not ill any more and there's nothing you can't do for Wiglet. The fact that your mum wants Wiglet but would prefer to cast you aside shows what sort of person she is, and that would be very confusing for Wiglet to understand as he grows older - how badly your mum treats you.

Follow up with the police officer and ask what happened. Also, I don't know if a family support person would help? I'm not sure what they could do other than reassure you, but my teenage lodger found it helpful to have somebody 'official' to tell him what his rights were when his dad was trying to get custody back after he ran away.

You're doing so well, even if she does send another letter don't let it get to you, we're all here xx

meritaten

One thing I didn't point out - but may have missed others doing so - is that your mother will NOT know about losing this legal representation. because you know not to respond to her 'solicitors' letters. so there is no reason for her to suddenly take to the offensive. my bet is - nothing is going to happen. if she was going to apply to the courts for a contact order she would have done so by now. she hasn't, so perhaps her legal advisor told her she doesn't have a 'cat in hells chance'.
Honestly sweety - you are no worse off than you were before.

unicorn1984

Sorry I havent been on for a while Wiggy, just catching up on the past couple of months, so glad to hear that you had a nice Xmas, and that after a slight hiccup, Wiglets Daddy is wanting to spend more time with him.

As always, I am in awe of you and your strength (even though you think it has wavered at times, you haven't caved). You mentioned how you want a Mum, this upset me. The thought of you sitting there, thinking you have done something, anything, to cause the way this woman has treated you made me so angry! SHE is the one at fault. Nobody else. FULL STOP. This is what years of her treatment has caused, for you all to believe YOU are in the wrong, when it has and always will be her.

A few people have asked, but have you kept a diary of all this? I dont mean for the legalities if it is ever needed (which I highly doubt will ever be needed for any kind of court case, she wouldnt get a foot in the door), but for you? On days when you think you are wrong, or you feel guilty, then whip it out, read a page or 2 and that will reaffirm what you know deep, deep down, that she is no good for you and Wiglet.

I hope you are doing OK and little Wiglet too. Even though I am in nowhere near the same situation, I have a 2 1/2 year old son, and I can always picture you and Wiglet, and him running around, laughing, HAPPY to be with his Mummy! He doesnt NEED Wigwitch (applause to whoever came up with that one!), you dont NEED Wigwitch. You have proved that over the months.

Just focus on your course, and new friends, and of course, I dont even need to mention Wiglet because its clear you dote on him unconditionally!

Hoping the lack of you being on here lately is because you are having a damn good time being a happy, well balanced Mum with new friends!! xxx

wiggywoo9

Hello to anyone out there still watching!


I have not heard anything from legal people or my mum. Had a mediation letter through which I ignored (partly as I actually forgot about it under my pile of work). No other legal letters. Hope I haven't jinxed it now!


It's been nearly 7 months since I saw them, and them see my son. Which is pretty good going. I keep expecting a court letter or something and sigh every time I get junk mail instead. I'm hoping she's given up but not so sure.


We are doing great. Lots on, have made some very good friends, one who has been a star and her son is friends with mine. Wiglet's dad is doing a good job and they had an afternoon together (still at mine though) for the first time alone a week ago. I starting seeing someone, which didn't go anywhere but was nice to get into the swing of things. Me and his dad are working well together and I'm so proud of how close they've become- I can see his dad getting soppy over it at times!


I'm still working hard, doing courses and classes and volunteering. Lots of job-hunting but also lots of time for us as well. We are starting swimming soon, when I find a good costume! I have lost 9 pounds in last week or so- but probably regain it because of Easter!


I just wanted to post in case anyone wanted to know how things have gone. It also feels like I'm writing in a diary of sorts so feels good to write down improvements and milestones.


Hope everyone had a good Easter and thank you always for your support. Wiggy x

harrys_nan

It's great to hear from you again and things are going so well for you. Life is on the up for you at last. You sound so positive which is all good. Wiglet and his dad are getting to know each other and your making friends. :T
Please keep letting us know how your doing, you have a lot of virtual family here and we all want the best for you.
Harrys nan xx

trolleyrun

How lovely to hear from you, Wiggy! I'm so pleased things are going well for you. Please do keep us updated - I think about you often and wonder how you're doing Well done for all your achievements! Big hugs to you and Wiglet

duchy

I think it's really a good thing that you have this thread (and earlier ones) to remind you just how far you've come Wiggy.

When we met you -you had no home and thought you were going to not finish your degree and your confidence was at rock bottom..............and look at you now ! You have a secure home, regular volunteer work, more qualifications and a PGCE in your future..... not to mention a happy and thriving son !

Whilst I believe in looking forward in life and not back - it doesn't hurt to reflect how far you have come -and you aren't that scared girl who was thro-wn out by the woman prepared to leave her daughter and grandson homeless but a woman with a firm plan for your future.

Your mother doesn't have a leg to stand on and even if it gets to court you are a good Mum with stability in her life and if you feel Wiglet's grandmother wou;d not be a benefit in his life a court would find you credible and listen. A women who has raised three daughters all of whom are single parents in their teens is hardly a good influence on a young child -and that's the kind of thing courts take into account even without her mental instability.

Stop worrying - it is all going to work out ..... You'll soon be applying for PGCEs - and remember a handful of unis have family accomadation -you could even feasibily move away completely if that's what you want. Wiglet and his Dad are building a relationship so moving to another town wouldn't be so drastic as contact could be maintained. You have so many options ahead of you the next few years are going to be amazing.

I do however think you could do with some counseling to help you get past thinking that what your Mum wants she will get- because it simply isn't true and you need to be able to accept that on an emotional level as well .