Family cut themselves out of my son's life

wiggywoo9

I have a very strong fear that contact will be granted and she will take him somewhere. I should have pressed charges or something when she took him the first time! Desperate for this not to happen, we both do not need that poison and it has been six months of freedom, I do not want her near me or him!!

rpc

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I'm getting very worried that she could completely take hold of the contact issue now, take me to court to get contact, and me not have any evidence of anything against her, be free to see my son again. I will leave the country if it comes to that, I will literally change address and run. I am not having her in our lives, no matter if it is legal or not!

Can anyone advise?

Stay quiet for now and don't stir things up. If she attempts to interfere directly, call the police. If another letter arrives, you can always come back here. She's probably confused because her tactics haven't worked and you haven't caved.

She can't go to court for contact straight off. She first has to go to court to get permission to go to court for contact. A longer process and, unlike a parent, there won't be the automatic presumption that contact should happen.

It might be worth trying to speak to the officer that said there would be a caution/warning. That a letter got lost saying nothing happened could be a fob-off.

On the plus side, you've had peace and quiet for a while. Try to worry less about what might come and be grateful for what you have - freedom! Easier said than done, I know.

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I have a very strong fear that contact will be granted and she will take him somewhere. I should have pressed charges or something when she took him the first time! Desperate for this not to happen, we both do not need that poison and it has been six months of freedom, I do not want her near me or him!!

If contact is granted, then you have to try and insist on it being supervised contact. Perhaps you should have pressed charges but thats the wisdom of hindsight. Can you find out why the police didnt caution your mother, you do have the right to complain about this.

Also, this is one legal adviser, if they cant support you in this, perhaps you need to look around for someone who can do a better job.

Even though your mother hasnt been served with a caution, the incident has still been formally recorded.

As for the rest of it, all you can do is deal with what crops up when it crops up or if it crops up and try not to worry too much about what happens in between, just because she might apply for contact doesnt mean she would be granted that contact.

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

The officer I gave my statement to said quite firmly that a caution would be served, minimum in her home, if necessary at the station, if not at least a formal warning.

Now my legal adviser is going to close my case and i'm left vulnerable and without help if SHE comes back again.

I've seen nor heard nothing of her or anyone.

Please don't panic, wiggy.

Have you got the name of the officer you spoke to? Phone up and ask to speak directly to him/her.

You've had this time free from your mother. She can't just swan in and get contact. The longer she is out of contact, the harder it will be for her to show that she has been part of your lives.

Keep as calm as you can and carry on with life - you're doing so well without the rest of the family, you know you can do it.

thorsoak

Wiggy - here is an excerpt from a legal firm's web-page :-

Applying to the court for contact

Estranged parents and those with parental responsibility (such as step-parents and guardians) have the right to go to court to seek contact with their children.

However when it comes to whether grandparents have an automatic legal right to contact with your grandchildren, the answer is sadly not. Instead you need to get permission from the court to apply for contact.

When you make your application to apply for visitation rights, the court will need to understand several factors, including:

• The nature of your application
• The connection between you and your grandchild
• Whether your application is likely to be disruptive to the child in any way



Now let's look at the factors listed above:-

• The nature of your application - as the grandmother who estranged from the mother of the child
• The connection between you and your grandchild - how old is Wiglet now? And how long is it since she last had any dealings with him?
• Whether your application is likely to be disruptive to the child in any way - as you would be upset then it would be extremely disruptive to Wiglet.

As the others have said, keep calm and carry on. Talk again to your H/V, make sure that Nursery/childminders are aware that you and only you have authority to pick him up at any time.

You are doing well. The longer it goes between your mother seeing/ having any contact with Wiglet the more it goes against her being given any contact. Try talking to the police again - you'll have an incident number at least from the shenanigens at the back-end of last year - which is in your favour.

You may get another letter from her solicitor in another few weeks ....each letter will be costing her in the region of £75+ ........ let her continue spending/sending them. You are under no legal obligation to respond. Remember that!

meritaten

Please don't panic and run Wiggy. its just one missing letter. it really doesn't change the situation or the legalities of it. you could do this without legal advice as you simply DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! your waste of space mother has to do all the legal steps. and you will be informed.

as another poster said, if you have the name of the policeman you spoke to ring and ask to speak to him to find out what transpired.
I know you must be feeling rather 'jumpy' at the mo - please try to relax and just carry on as normal.

GobbledyGook

Don't panic Wiggy.

Have you been keeping a diary of all the dates she's made contact with you? Keep doing that.

Try and speak to the officer that dealt with things at the time. Find out why there was no caution or warning given. How was it recorded and why were you not informed of the change of decision?

Just because this one person cannot help you doesn't mean no-one can.

If your mother is to be given contact with Wiglet she needs to show that it would be in his interest. Look at his life now compared to how it was then. You are a stronger and more confident parent. He is not in danger of being taken from you and without the over-bearing influence of her you have been able to allow him to build a relationship with his father.

I'll reiterate again my story. My MIL seen my girls almost daily. She was a HUGE part of their lives. However in court she was practically laughed out by the judge. It's not about what is good for her, your Mum or even you and I. It's about what is in the best interests of the children and you'll be able to show that the life you have built now - without the bullying and interference from her is what is best for Wiglet.

Keep in mind that every time the police are called it is recorded, even if there is no charge or caution.

missprice

Agree with all the above.
Mainly the longer she does not see wiglet, the harder it will be for contact.
They don't just let someone back into a small persons life after a very long gap.
So the longer you hold out and you have to now the harder it will be for her.

Also don't forget you can easily and happily ignore solicitor letters. You have now done it twice so a third should be a doddle.

You can count on it costing her a lot of money for these letters and she will give up at some point. Plus it will cost even more to go to court to ask for permission to go to court for access. Then more costs for the actual court case.

The longer you have no contact, the stronger you become.

GobbledyGook

Wiggy the most important thing to remember is that having money for sending letters or applying for contact doesn't give her one up on you.

You have Wiglet's best interests at heart. That puts you one up on her.

jackyann

Wiggy - you are a long way, yourself, from square one! Just your mum makes you feel that way.
Make sure that you stay in touch with the friends who help you to feel better.
Also - you mentioned a health visitor previously - make sure you pop in & see her, and maybe get wiglet's height & weight done as well. I agree that your mum is unlikely to go to court, but should she do so, the court welfare office always wants to contact the HV, and check that health checks are up-to-date & that child is thriving. So get it on record!