Family cut themselves out of my son's life

meritaten

wiggy - come join in down in Old Style - we can teach you how to clean, cook, shop and 'make do and mend'. you wont be the only young mum struggling with the every day tasks. there are LOTS of young people on that board who have never been taught the basics of 'Housekeeping'. more importantly ask how to do something and you will get lots of advice, lots of moneysaving and timesaving tips etc.
and the Oldstylers are nice kind generous folks - like most of the people on here!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I live too far away to come help you - but, you are an intelligent woman who can learn through the written word - you have more than proved that! it wont take you long to learn how to put your flat to rights.

Mojisola is right though - we COULD do with an MSE Marriages/Oldstylers 'flying Squad'.

thorsoak

meritaten wrote: »

wiggy - come join in down in Old Style - we can teach you how to clean, cook, shop and 'make do and mend'. you wont be the only young mum struggling with the every day tasks. there are LOTS of young people on that board who have never been taught the basics of 'Housekeeping'. more importantly ask how to do something and you will get lots of advice, lots of moneysaving and timesaving tips etc.
and the Oldstylers are nice kind generous folks - like most of the people on here!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I live too far away to come help you - but, you are an intelligent woman who can learn through the written word - you have more than proved that! it wont take you long to learn how to put your flat to rights.

Mojisola is right though - we COULD do with an MSE Marriages/Oldstylers 'flying Squad'.

The Flying Super-Gran Squad!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XdP6Lp2ceqY/S4dTC-a_MwI/AAAAAAAAJUc/1zaI9o3z5AM/s1600-h/granny.jpg

wiggywoo9

Thank you. I had a good cry, felt utterly miserable, then got up cos my shopping needed putting away. Then I blitzed the kitchen and lounge, and finished cleaning downstairs. Silly me, moaning then get a big burst of motivation. It'll zap away for weeks now then zap back! Ugh!

It's those little dirty corners or muck you find in the tiniest places that makes me sick. I hate dirt and messiness- perhaps a spot of inherited OCD there (dad and mum- mum never admitted it though). Just got to do upstairs now.

I thought a lot about it today. I wasn't taught to cook at home and couldn't peel a potato when I left, now thanks to MSE and AGirlCalledJack I can manage to make some things, haven't ever tackled big puddings or Shepherd's pies or Lasagnes though. I couldn't even fry chicken! I can't clean, I know to use bleach etc but my mum always did everything, getting up at 6am to start. I can't do much with hair either- low pony or rough tucked in bun, just about do a high pony. Wasn't taught to do anything else, she still did my hair everyday for school til I left at 17. And forget make-up, I can just about put mascara and lipgloss on, I don't know much about that or how to dress for different occasions. Didn't have much growing up, just tees and jeans. First time I wore a skirt was with wiglet's dad, my first boyfriend and only cos he commented that I only ever wore jeans! Subsequently ridiculed by my mum for wearing them as well.

So yes, thinking back on it, this was weird and not normal. I'm sure many other 21 year old women can do more!

Note- read back on one page- my mum and dad were never married. They had a miscarriage whilst together then planned me and my two sisters. Which is a bit of the mystery why she hates me so. Yesterday I realised I don't actually have ANY memories of my dad whatsoever, he was kicked out when I was eight or so. Who knows, maybe my brain locked it away? I just can't picture him at all in an any memory. I've seen the newspaper articles on his death and wonder occasionally.

liana_y2kuk

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

. I can't do much with hair either- low pony or rough tucked in bun, just about do a high pony. Wasn't taught to do anything else, she still did my hair everyday for school til I left at 17. And forget make-up, I can just about put mascara and lipgloss.

If its any consolatuion, Im 30 and dont know more than a pony and cant do.make up.either.

kjp

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I thought a lot about it today. I wasn't taught to cook at home and couldn't peel a potato when I left, now thanks to MSE and AGirlCalledJack I can manage to make some things, haven't ever tackled big puddings or Shepherd's pies or Lasagnes though. I couldn't even fry chicken! I can't clean, I know to use bleach etc but my mum always did everything, getting up at 6am to start. I can't do much with hair either- low pony or rough tucked in bun, just about do a high pony. Wasn't taught to do anything else, she still did my hair everyday for school til I left at 17. And forget make-up, I can just about put mascara and lipgloss on, I don't know much about that or how to dress for different occasions. Didn't have much growing up, just tees and jeans. First time I wore a skirt was with wiglet's dad, my first boyfriend and only cos he commented that I only ever wore jeans! Subsequently ridiculed by my mum for wearing them as well.

So yes, thinking back on it, this was weird and not normal. I'm sure many other 21 year old women can do more!

I'm 26 and have no idea how to do makeup other than mascara and eyeshadow from a palette that gave me instructions, and I wear jeans pretty constantly. And don't get me started on hair, it's either down, in a ponytail or a half ponytail. I'm so jealous of my friends who can do clever things with it. I think there are a lot of 20somethings in a similar position!

You're doing awesome. I can just about manage to look after myself, and you have Wiglet and Waglet too. I can also highly recommend flylady, helped me loads when I first moved out and had no idea how to keep a home.

Hope you've had a good evening x

Person_one

Did you have a look at the Home Start site? It looks like it might be absolutely perfect for your situation.

LannieDuck

I can't do make up either, but I can do hair (thanks to having long hair while I was growing up). There are some really simple things you can do that look clever.

e.g. make a pony tail, pull the elastic band away from your head a little bit, make a hole in the hair from top to bottom, then flip the band through the hair, followed by the ponytail. It looks really complicated when it's done (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Inverse-Ponytail), but is dead simple.

Also, can you do plaits in wool/string? If so, you can split your hair in two (just run your finger from the middle at the front, across the top of your head, and down the back, parting the hair as you go), then do a plait in the hair on either side.

Also, try taking a section of hair from by your temples (about as much as a 10p), pulling the two sections to the back and fixing with an elastic (just as you would a pony tail).

I'm sure there are loads of YouTube videos with simple hair styles you could play with

lostinrates

Re chicken frying, its actually quite Hard to fry chicken well.

Re hair......who needs more than a pony tail/messy bun and brushed well? Mine is loose/messy bun most days and I can do more.

Re make up......seriously not important. I have friends who never wear any in varied jobs.


There are loads of you tube tutorials if you want to get better. Best way to improve is to sit and look at your face and be honest about its best points and practise emphasising those. Things like eyeliner take a little more practise, Maybe even wear to put blusher to suit you best, but the world doesn't end while you learn . Keep it subtle, subtle, subtle is the best lesson. You can get bolder as you build in confidence if you choose to. (But too much looks a bit silly)

poet123

What comes across to me is how much you focus on what you can't do, you detail where you feel your shortcomings lie. By contrast, when I read I pick up what you can do at such a relatively young age.

I was 24 when I had my first son, and I found it very hard initially and that was with bucket loads of support from a husband and family, and being a sahm. You are doing it single handed whilst studying, and living alone. Really, it is a brave and difficult thing you are doing. Give yourself some credit please.

Honestly, children are very resiliant, a bit of dirt or mess will not affect them. Your son will grow up admiring and loving you more because of your struggle, don't sell yourself short.

Do the basics, Superwoman doesn't really exist, most of us just muddle through doing the best we can. You are doing that and more, you are keeping up your studies to secure a better future for yourself and your son.

You really should be proud of that.

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

Mojisola is right though - we COULD do with an MSE Marriages/Oldstylers 'flying Squad'.

Flying Squad sounds much better than a Hit Squad - perhaps I was unconsciously thinking of some of those OHs and parents who could do with a visit from some heavies!:rotfl: