Family cut themselves out of my son's life

dumpy

Just posting to say that although I have not posted before I have read every word and have been cheering you on all the way. I always read if you have posted an update.

I'm not too good on the friends front myself so I'll let the other posters talk to you about that but I think it does take time and you'd probably be surprised how many people would say "Where is Wiggywoo" if you didn't go to things.

Just like I know I do, on this thread if there isn't an update for a while.

Edited to say this makes me sound a bit stalkerish, but really I'm not, just someone wishing you well.

unicorn1984

You could perhaps message her again to thank her for the cards again, and ask her a question, like how is the baby doing, how are you getting on with driving lessons etc and see if she replies. If she reads and doesn't reply then I would be wary about inviting her to a party.

It may be that Wigwitch has seen the message and told her not to reply? Or maybe she is just worried about replying incase it causes problems for her, as she is (I assume) still living in Wigwitches house? After all, she may well be dying to contact you but is worried about the implications for her which is understandable.

Definitely message her again, keep it brief and don't mention the party yet incase it gets passed to Wigwitch....

I understand why you are feeling lonely, its hard to make time for friends when you have a young child and are busy in other areas, but there are always loads of things going on that you can get involved in with Wiglet.

Regarding the card Wigwitch sent, as everyone else has said it was a pure attempt at emotional blackmail. Of course Wiglet can't read so it was aimed at you. "We have all your Xmas presents here waiting".... well if you want me to have them, before I outgrow them, then why not send them or have someone drop them off? She is basically holding his gifts hostage, I wouldn't even bother keeping the card, like a PP said, alot of people don't keep EVERY card their child receives (I still have all my New Baby cards from when my son was born, and a few from his 1st birthday, but my house would be full if I kept every single one!).

Its another way of saying "look what mean Mummy is doing, keeping you apart from your loving Nanny who buys you stacks of toys but I am not allowed to give them to you...." people buy children toys and gifts because they enjoy them, and like to play with them, so what is the point in buying gifts to keep in a pile at her own house that Wiglet is only going to be too old for soon anyway? He is getting nothing out of them, so why bother?! Send them anyway, if you send them back so be it, but she has made the effort. Just another jibe at you!! Rise above it, not to it!

You are as always doing fab and Wiglet is healthy, happy and thriving!

If you happen to live in Manchester, which I know you can't disclose, but if you did and wanted to meet up as we have boys of similar ages (mine is 3 in September... where does the time go?!) then you are MORE than welcome to PM me xx

duchy

I think someones it is hard to make new friends- everyone is busy. The best people to make friends with are people with kids the same age as they understand stuff like juggling work and kids, babysitting issues etc which single people or people with older kids either don't know or have forgotten .

This may sound a little off the wall to you Wiggy but one of the best places to meet other people with families are family orientated churches.
Wiglet gets to meet new little friends in Sunday school - you get to meet other Mums -and the good ones have lots of social stuff to broaden your network. Why not "test drive" a few . Even if you aren't religious (and you don't have to be) church can be almost like meditation for letting the stresses of life go for 45 minutes in the week...........and it's free Usually there's a drink and a biscuit afterwards too and people are usually very welcoming.

I'd hold off on making any decisions about next May for a bit-By then you'll have made more friends and might plan it entirely differently. It's nearly a year away- No rush.

thorsoak

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Small thought:


Nothing to worry about- wonder if anyone even still reads this rubbish anymore!- but I am planning my son's 4th birthday party for next May and I was thinking who to invite. I would quite like my sisters and my nephew back in our lives and have wanted so for a while. I want to send her a message through facebook. I sent one to her near wiglet's birthday thanking her for cards and to pass on love to nan, hoping she was doing okay. It was viewed the same day but had no response.


I just feel so alone and isolated. I have one or two friends and I put a heck of a lot of effort into other activities to help others and meet new people, but its pretty much just me and one-sided. Everyone has ready-made friends and support through family. I feel like I'm orphaned or something. Sure, wiglet has family through his dad now, but I have nothing. It's all for him. I sometimes wonder that if it wasn't for wiglet, I'd have nothing and no-one.


I've tried many times to make friends and meet new people but now, there's just two people I could rely on enough to help- and that's one friend and wiglet's dad! I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why no-one is bothered with just me

Wiggy sweetheart ....you are talking about NEXT MAY - you are over-thinking again! By next May, you could be in love, in London - anywhere - anything can happen - you could be surrounded by friends, Wiglet will be at Nursery with all his little friends from Nursery - and you could be tearing your hair out wondering who you can miss off an invitation list!

Enjoy now - enjoy the fact that the holidays are nearly here, that you can stay and play with Wiglet a little longer in the morning - just enjoy here and now x

unicorn1984

He will be a popular little dude by then! If he isn't already x

RuthnJasper

purpleshoes wrote: »

I just spoke about this on another thread, do you have any meet up groups near you? Google meet up, you can join as many groups as you like. Im in a group that has 500 members and the majority of these people needed to give their social life a kick start. It doesnt cost you to join and you dont need a lot of money to take part in the activities, there might even be a parent and child group near you.

I echo this. I know it feels desperate Wiggy, and I am sure you are still going through a grieving process of sorts for all the horrors you've experienced.

If the party is next May, I'm guessing that Wiglet will be going to some sort of playgroup; how about inviting his little mates and parents from that. Also, does your local swimming pool have tots and mums swimming sessions? Our local one does, and that's quite a good way to make friends (everyone splashing about in swimming suits is a great leveller!!).

I know how very tough things are with you, family-wise, but my own personal opinion would be not to give them even the hint of an inch; any of them. That sounds really awful of me and I'm sorry, but it would be dreadful if Wiglet's "Nanageddon" gets a chance to stick her claws in again.

You won't ALWAYS feel this lonely and wretched, even if that's hard to believe at the moment. And nothing that you have to say or write is ever rubbish. You're an intelligent and worthy person. Stay strong sweetie. xx

wiggywoo9

Hi, I checked to see if the message to my sister had been read. It had and no response, so I guess that's it. I just don't want to live life with regrets- right now wiglet is missing out on his nephew entirely and I never wanted that. I also feel deeply that there's this undercurrent of hate or blame on me from their side, that even if there was a response, it'd be like 'well you didn't want US. YOU shut US out. YOU are the big problem. YOU are the immature one who cut wiglet from his family, from seeing his elderly greatgrandma in possibly the last few years of her life, WE don't care about you, WE never loved you anyway'. Maybe that's just guilt. I never meant to lose my sisters, my nephew or nana, I love them deeply. The issue was always with my mum, but maybe it was such a big issue that blocking her meant blocking them? I just don't want to be the one at fault. I'm hugely afraid they've turned me into my dad, the whole, we don't want you, chuck all messages in the bin, block you out, thing. As if I'm like him, unlovable or something?


I wish he was here and hadn't done what he did. I could've really done with SOME family.


God, its so easy to write and get stuff out Ignore me!

GobbledyGook

Wiggy I have a similar feeling to you.

My "parents" are dead, but even if they hadn't they wouldn't care. They didn't love me at all. My Grandparents did, but they are passed away now as well.

My MIL adored me, until I objected to her wanting to be my daughter's mother.... (sound familiar?)

I don't really have many people. I have one cousin (who lives hundreds of miles away), my OH (who screwed things up so bad I lost him for a while too) and his brother.

Friends are hard to find when you've been betrayed by the one person everyone should be able to trust - your mum. I mean I spent YEARS thinking about that - if my own mum didn't love me who would?

However I'll tell you who loves me - my two daughters and my son. My two SAFE daughters and my son. The person who will love you, and will be grateful for the fact you made tough choices will be your SAFE little boy.

The little boy who'll be happy and confident and who could very well be the key to you making friends. Happy children go to parties and other parents will come to you to say 'Wiglet was a dream today' or 'Wiglet is such a credit to you'. That will mean that on those days where you are not confident enough to just chat to people he will open those doors for you.

The training you are doing and the job you'll get in time will introduce you to people who'll become friends and acquaintances.

And the best thing about the friends that you WILL make is that they will be friends because of you and your choices. They won't be visiting you because they have the same mother, they won't be visiting you because they have ulterior motives over Wiglet and they won't be visiting you to have a go or put you down.... They'll be visiting/going out/catching up with you because of you and the hard work you have put in over these months.

Write and keep writing Wiggy because I think I speak for pretty much EVERYONE who reads your thread when I say, we are here for you. We might not be able to go for a drink with you, but we'll listen to you rant or moan or you want to tell us of Wiglet (or your) latest achievement.

You've achieved so much, and even though at times it might have been easier to go back you've kept fighting on - all for your little boy and that is a brilliant thing.

Well done.

Gemma x

Brenny

Wiggywoo

You really are over thinking this.

You are an adult and you have the power to make your (and Wiglet's) life happy and safe. Live your life independently and listen to some of the very good advice that's already been given to you. Take up a hobby that involves other people, or volunteer to help if/when you have spare time.

Do not accept blame for anything that your family forced on to you. Value yourself for who you are and what you have achieved. And then, if and when anyone from your family decides to contact you, you will have the confidence and strength to decide what is best for you and Wiglet, moving forwards.

duchy

Wiggy your sisters and grandmother have always had a choice. They could have stayed in touch, by letter, by phone or even called a cab .......you are not responsible for their absence from Wiglets life.....THEY ARE !