Son in a difficult situation

**professor~yaffle**

The children are half-siblings. OP doesn't go into details about arrangements with the older child's father re childcare and access.

supersaver2

Person_one wrote: »

The 2 year old has an 11 year old brother though, it seems unkind to split them up.

Mum only works part time remember.

Split them up? I think they will still see plenty of each other! What about splitting Dad and his Daughter up, how is that different?

Person_one

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

The children are half-siblings.

Half siblings are siblings, they've lived together since the eldest was 6, and for the whole of the little one's life.

victory

Person_one wrote: »

Half siblings are siblings, they've lived together since the eldest was 6, and for the whole of the little one's life.

I agree, half siblings means absolutely nothing to the little ones, they just love each other

hgotsparkle

He's 30. Cut the apron strings, don't let him continue the life of riley and let him sort his own problems out.

**professor~yaffle**

Person_one wrote: »

Half siblings are siblings, they've lived together since the eldest was 6, and for the whole of the little one's life.

Yes, it seems asking OP's son to move out is not going to be as straightforward as she'd perhaps have hoped.. He looks after their child, plus the child from her previous relationship.

I know half siblings can be just like siblings, but I don't know what view the courts would take, if it were to get that far.

They're probably better off talking things through between them, but if she's hell bent on them splitting up then they need to come to some arrangements re living and childcare, and that's not going to be straightforward. If his name is on the tenancy he has every right to stay.

Gigglepig

DeeWren wrote: »

Reading this back I can't believe we didn't make him have a plan B or at least continue to claim benefits in his own right or better still find a job, any job and they would have had to work it out between them what they were going to do regarding childcare. Basically we don't know what to do. I know he is 30, we are no longer responsible for him, but he is our son and it's hard to tell him that. All we seem to be doing is helping him and I wonder if that's where we've gone wrong, maybe we should have stopped helping him many moons ago?

Hard as it might be, I think I would take a step back and let him sort out his own problems not treat him like a child.

if you continue to treat him as a child I don't think you will be doing him or his family any favours. he might be happier in the long run if he needs to pick himself up as a father and provider for his family. if he is 30 isn't it his turn to help his retired parents soon and not the other way around?

I would also stay well out of any discussions regarding access or maintenance to his child - staying out of it will make it easier to stay on good terms with his ex and your two grandchildren.

I agree with the posters above, it does not sound like this came out of the blue. If he stayed at home for years not pulling his weight with house work, securing a job or even benefits no wonder she is fed up! Sorry to be harsh, but if you have/had a daughter, or a good friend, is this the sort of partner/husband you would have liked for her?

thorsoak

Sorry - but I have to say it - your son is not in a difficult position - he's been a lazy so and so, and hoped life could carry on in the same way!

Step back, don't welcome him back home - let him sort his own mess out. It will be easier for you to continue to see your grandchildren if you support the person who needs it - his ex-partner!

supersaver2

thorsoak wrote: »

Sorry - but I have to say it - your son is not in a difficult position - he's been a lazy so and so, and hoped life could carry on in the same way!

Step back, don't welcome him back home - let him sort his own mess out. It will be easier for you to continue to see your grandchildren if you support the person who needs it - his ex-partner!

Am not sure looking after a 2 year old and possibly the other child makes him a lazy so and so! My nearly 2 year old runs me ragged!

sulkisu

lazer wrote: »

Since your son was the main care giver - I think he should be going for residency of his child.

Assuming that he wants it. If mother and partner are correct in that he lies around doing nothing in the house, giving full-time care of a toddler might not be in anyone's best interests.