Son in a difficult situation

BitterAndTwisted

If you can't afford to have him living with you without him making an adequate contribution then he needs to find a job that will pay him enough to cover what he will cost you both. It's either that or he makes his own arrangements.

This Knowledge business needs to be put on "hold" until he can sort himself out.

Keep mollycoddling him and he will continue to be dependent. He's 30 and a father, not 18.

FatVonD

He needs to get a job and preferrably one with accomodation. Tell him to take a look at pub/hotel jobs in central London. Hundreds of Kiwis/Aussies manage just fine every year.

On the subject of doing The Knowledge, I'd tell him to think twice anyway, even if she takes him back. It's not the lucrative business it once was (is he going for green or yellow badge?) By the time he's paid £200 or thereabouts per week for cab rental (so add another £50 quid diesel costs to that to enable him to make £200) and today's prices for diesel he'll have to work all the hours that God sends to make ends meet. Have you tried to hail a cab in London recently? There's no waiting around/walking to another road/arguing over who saw it first any more, you'll have a choice of about half a dozen all with their light on.

Mulder00

Clearly your post here shows just how dependent your son is on you. He should be finding out for himself what his entitlements and options are - he should be the one to come up with the idea to go and find a job, not you.

Is there any expectation that he would be moving back in with you? A man of 30 should be able to live independently of his parents and look after himself regardless of what life throws at him. It seems that it's just been excuse after excuse to keep him dependent on you.

I am the same age as your son and despite having a very close relationship with my parents, I would never dream of burdening them with my problems if I had to lose my job, my partner, my house. I would rely on them for emotional support for tough times, but that's it.

You really need to get him to live his own life now and take care of himself, otherwise it seems you are just in a cycle that can't be broken.

lazer

DeeWren wrote: »

Hello,
Hopefully I am posting this in the correct section so here goes.

My 30-year old son is in a difficult situation. He has been living with his fiancee for five years now in a 2-bedroom council flat in our area. They have a 2-year old little girl between them and an 11-year old boy from his fiancee's previous relationship. Three years ago my son became unemployed, so after their baby was born my son's fiancee returned to her part-time job (she is a nurse) and my son became a house husband, caring for the home and looking after the children. In his spare time he has begun doing the London Knowledge to become a black cab driver. He has been doing this for about 18 months and is doing quite well. Before he started he, his fiancee, my husband and I sat around the table and we told them we would be happy to fund his "Knowledge", bought him a second-hand motorbike, bought the books and we pay for the petrol etc. We also know it can take up to four years or possibly longer ti qualify, but all of us agreed it would work out in the end.

Last week, out of the blue, his fiancee decided she wanted to end the relationship. She says she returns from work to find my son lying on the sofa, watching tv and no housework done. I can imagine that so I know she is right and I understand, but instead of talking it over (or having a good row) she just asked him to leave.

So here is the crunch. He can't return home because basically my husband and I can't afford it. My husband is a pensioner and I'm almost there. We own our own home, but even though my husband has a small occupational pension as well as his state pension we are still able to claim some council tax benefit. If my son returned home, we would loose that, but as he isn't working, he will have no income and we cannot afford to feed, clothe him, fund his "Knowledge" and pay full council tax as well. Also having no income he cannot afford a place of his own.

The obvious thing would be for our son to find a job or sign on at the job center, but the job situation as it is and the fact he has not worked or claimed benefits in his own right for over two years and paid no National Insurance contributions where is he going to find employment? Plus can he claim any benefits at all considering his situation?

Reading this back I can't believe we didn't make him have a plan B or at least continue to claim benefits in his own right or better still find a job, any job and they would have had to work it out between them what they were going to do regarding childcare. Basically we don't know what to do. I know he is 30, we are no longer responsible for him, but he is our son and it's hard to tell him that. All we seem to be doing is helping him and I wonder if that's where we've gone wrong, maybe we should have stopped helping him many moons ago? Either way can anyone tell me what his entitlements are? His name is on the rent book of their flat, but only as a co-habitee? I don't know if that makes any difference? Is the local council bound to rehouse him anyway under those circumstances? Would he be able to claim job seekers allowance or unemployment benefit straight away? We just don't know?

All help and advice will be gratefully received. We are literally at our wits end, we just don't know what to do?

Dee

Since your son was the main care giver - I think he should be going for residency of his child.

Person_one

lazer wrote: »

Since your son was the main care giver - I think he should be going for residency of his child.

In what residence?

supersaver2

lazer wrote: »

Since your son was the main care giver - I think he should be going for residency of his child.

That was my first though as well, custody doesn't have to automatically go to the Mum especially as Dad has been the main carer. You say they have a Council Flat, in who's name OP?

Sorry just seen the part in your first post about co-habitee, not really sure what that means or where he stands.

**professor~yaffle**

DeeWren wrote: »

Either way can anyone tell me what his entitlements are? His name is on the rent book of their flat, but only as a co-habitee? I don't know if that makes any difference? Is the local council bound to rehouse him anyway under those circumstances? Would he be able to claim job seekers allowance or unemployment benefit straight away? We just don't know?

All help and advice will be gratefully received. We are literally at our wits end, we just don't know what to do?

Although he has not been out working he has contributed to the household by looking after their child and the other man's child from her previous relationship. (In theory he's been doing the housework and cooking, too..:whistle:)

So it is not fair that she kicks him out of his own home. She stands much more chance of being re-housed by the council than he does, as she's got 2 children. Unless he goes for custody of their 2 year old?

supersaver2

Person_one wrote: »

In what residence?

If Dad wanted custody he could apply for his own Council flat/house or rent privately and claim. With a 2 year old daughter he would be entitled to IS, CTC, CB and child maintenance from Mum. Their child is only 2 and surely if Dad has been staying at home looking after her since Mum returned to work he is the main care giver.

Gigervamp

lazer wrote: »

Since your son was the main care giver - I think he should be going for residency of his child.

And split the two children up?

Person_one

supersaver2 wrote: »

If Dad wanted custody he could apply for his own Council flat/house or rent privately and claim. With a 2 year old daughter he would be entitled to IS, CTC, CB and child maintenance from Mum. Their child is only 2 and surely if Dad has been staying at home looking after her since Mum returned to work he is the main care giver.

The 2 year old has an 11 year old brother though, it seems unkind to split them up.

Mum only works part time remember.