Son in a difficult situation

sulphate

Rather than taking your son in, is there any way you can help them with childcare a little, to enable them to both work?

Presumably he will need a job to live elsewhere and how is he going to do that if he is still expected to provide full time care for the 2 year old?

neverdespairgirl

DeeWren wrote: »

It's only the 2-year old that needs care during the day. She is still expecting (and rightly so) for my son to take her to playschool for an hour each day and sometimes they pop in to see us afterwards.

I'm not sure about "rightly so". How's he supposed to look for a job, or do one once he finds one, while taking a toddler to playschool in the middle of the working day, while she claims all the child benefits / tax credits?!

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not sure about "rightly so". How's he supposed to look for a job, or do one once he finds one, while taking a toddler to playschool in the middle of the working day, while she claims all the child benefits / tax credits?!

Surely there are allowances in place for parents who have childcare responsibilities, even if they don't have residency?

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Surely there are allowances in place for parents who have childcare responsibilities, even if they don't have residency?

I doubt it, playschool is a place normally used by SAHP not by those in work. So, whilst the OP's son has been at home he would take the child to playschool. Now he is jobseeking, or if and when he gets a job a nursery or childminder would be more applicable.

neverdespairgirl

Person_one wrote: »

Surely there are allowances in place for parents who have childcare responsibilities, even if they don't have residency?

Do you mean financial, or in terms of employers? Benefits certainly go to the resident parent only. With employers, it would vary.

Mojisola

DeeWren wrote: »

We know he's going through a tough time, if we're feeling bad it doesn't take much to understand how he is feeling, but as Sulkisu points out, we do know our son very well and he would soon get used to the status quo and revert back to old habits even if we did start out by laying down some restrictions, cooking/cleaning/washing etc.

It sounds as if your son needs a very hard lesson before he will get his act together. He must have realised how much his inactivity was upsetting his partner but he didn't care enough about her feelings or the relationship to get up and do some housework. He didn't even care enough to make sure he was busy doing something when she arrived home, even if that was the only effort he put in all day!

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Do you mean financial, or in terms of employers? Benefits certainly go to the resident parent only. With employers, it would vary.

I meant in terms of JSA and a job seeking agreement, I'm not very knowledgeable on this, I admit, but a lot of dads have their pre-school children in the week, are they expected to sacrifice that to look for work during those times?

duchy

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not sure about "rightly so". How's he supposed to look for a job, or do one once he finds one, while taking a toddler to playschool in the middle of the working day, while she claims all the child benefits / tax credits?!

The same way every other single parent does presumably......surely you don't think just because he's male he's different ?

At the moment he is still living with his GF and the children and his own parents live close enough to pick their grandchild up from playgroup so he's hardly "going it alone".

"How is he supposed to look for a job whilst doing the playschool run?" The same way everyone else does- he sits at a PC and sends off applications and makes phone calls..... If he has an interview it sounds like Grandma would happily do the playschool pick up. Once he gets a job there will be more money for childcare or possibly he could do what thousands of couples both together and separated do and work opposing shifts to his partner. He has a motorbike so would have no problem finding a food delivery job in the evenings and at weekends likewise bar work (remember he's in London not some rural backwater). Frankly if he pulled his finger out he could have a job like that this week -and still be able to search for something better paid/more to his liking AND do the playground runs in the daytime.

Not rocket science is it...... You have a child-you step up to the plate and put a bit of effort into your life rather than make excuses .

DeeWren

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not sure about "rightly so". How's he supposed to look for a job, or do one once he finds one, while taking a toddler to playschool in the middle of the working day, while she claims all the child benefits / tax credits?!

This is something else isn't it and what I don't understand. In one breath sons partner is saying she wants him to continue with the child care as planned, but also wants him to get a job? We would be very happy to have our grandaughter until her mum gets home, it's only for a couple of hours and she is a little sweetie. We see her a lot with her dad usually, so she is used to us and visa versa.

As suggested we have seen courier companies advertising jobs in central London and we think it will be perfect for our son, but can you see a pattern forming here, we're doing the looking and planning AGAIN!

What we need to know so we can pass it on is what benefits as an ex-househusband with children can he claim considering he hasn't worked away from the home for two years and hasn't claimed anything in his own right? Not that we want our son to have to claim benefits at all. Ultimately we'd like him to get a job and pay his way in the world, but we are realistic and know that isn't going to happen overnight, but he needs to get into the system, right?

I have to say ALL your advice has been invaluable to us, it's made us feel better knowing that obviously we not the only parents that have been through something similar to this.

Thanks
Dee

SingleSue

poet123 wrote: »

I doubt it, playschool is a place normally used by SAHP not by those in work. So, whilst the OP's son has been at home he would take the child to playschool. Now he is jobseeking, or if and when he gets a job a nursery or childminder would be more applicable.

All of mine went to playschool and I worked. I was able to do it however because I worked opposite shifts to now ex hubby so my work hours took place in the evening/night.