No toys or blankets in allowed in cot as they can cause cot deaths?

CH27

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I feel very lucky reading this thread - my mother is the perfect combination of advice, help, and not taking over, ever. I think it's probable that both she and my Dad have various raised eyebrows over my son's school - no uniform, his teacher is "Catherine" instead of "Miss Smith", and so forth, but they don't ever criticise. They do help, support, love, and spend time with us, though.

In fact, I'm going to spend the weekend with my parents, and my 8 year old can go for long walks with his grandad and the dogs, make gingerbread men with my mother, play football with my brother, and let me do sod all for most of the weekend, as I'm pregnant with #2 and knackered!

Congratulations

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Its completely normal to feel hurt when people do or say hurtful things.

It is, but without wishing to dissect the post in question the poster said she felt much more than hurt. If you accept that people can be tactless or insensitive but that ultimately they can't force you to do xyz or really get to you. unless you let them, then you can take back control of the situation.

poet123

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I feel very lucky reading this thread - my mother is the perfect combination of advice, help, and not taking over, ever. I think it's probable that both she and my Dad have various raised eyebrows over my son's school - no uniform, his teacher is "Catherine" instead of "Miss Smith", and so forth, but they don't ever criticise. They do help, support, love, and spend time with us, though.

In fact, I'm going to spend the weekend with my parents, and my 8 year old can go for long walks with his grandad and the dogs, make gingerbread men with my mother, play football with my brother, and let me do sod all for most of the weekend, as I'm pregnant with #2 and knackered!

Congratulations, and it sounds like a good plan.:D

thorsoak

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Well - no. You didn't "all survive". An awful lot more babies and children died before the age of 5 than do now!

THOSE OF US HERE NOW SURVIVED - sorry I did not make things clear enough! My mother went through the heartbreak of losing two babies under a year old between my brother and me - one at 3 months with meningitis, the other on her first birthday with pneumonia.

Had antibiotics been available (these events happened in 1938 and 1941) these deaths might have been prevented.

If anyone was sufficiently interested to check up on Dr Truby King or Dr Spock, they would see that each one cancelled out the other's "rules" on rearing children. Similarly, at the end of the war, when it was considered essential to the well-being of the nation that the birth rate should rise, it is interesting to read the papers of John Bowlby on maternal deprivation in babies and children encouraged women back into the home instead of the work that they had been doing during the war years.

Maybe what I am trying to say is that each and every generation has its own methods to use in child-rearing. Each and every generation has to find its own way.

Each generation should respect the other's ideas and views - but the current generation are those in the front line and deserve the support of the previous generation - but similarly the current generation of parents should acknowledge the fact that their own parents were able to rear children successfully. Of course there are toxic parents - just as there are toxic children - and I find little comfort in that fact.

emweaver

Bennifred wrote: »

I remember the "no bumpers" advice from 25 years ago!.......

I have never heard of this and used them with all 3 of mine.

mumps

I think I could describe my DIL as highly strung. Didn't make it any easier when she split up from my son and she was alone with my two grandchildren. I can honestly say we have never had any disagreement about the boys, maybe that is why they spend lots more time with me than they do with her mother, who is very bossy and even if she doesn't say anything you can tell she is disapproving.

My kids were all breastfed for as long as they wanted, one till 3, but when she decided to give up breastfeeding I just agreed that the baby seemed much happier, and he did probably because his mother relaxed once she gave up. It wasn't what I would have done, I do think breast milk is best but not when mom is at breaking point. I think grandparents are there to offer support, it really isn't all about us. My gran was a wise woman and I always remember her saying, "You can't spoil a child with love." and love is what they need more than anything, well a bit of milk helps but without love they don't really thrive so it is important. The things we want to buy them are soon forgotten and often useless. I have never read a book by a baby expert, neither did my mother or grandmother, I was lucky in my GP and he was far more supportive and less judgemental than the midwife or HV.

I don't know what advice any of us can give the OP, maybe it is her DIL who is difficult, maybe she finds her MIL difficult. I was never able to relax with my MIL, she was bossy and I am sad when I look back because the only way I could cope was by shutting her out. If only she had stopped trying to take over, stopped trying to buy love, stopped being pushy I would have relaxed. Maybe new moms have funny ideas but they are the mother and we need to respect that.

rpc

usignuolo wrote: »

I recently went to New York to visit my son daughter in law and 18th month old grand daughter. I took with me a hand crocheted cot blanket. My dil has previously turned down cot "bumpers" as a safety risk and now she told me that the latest advice from US paediatricians was that there should be no blankets or toys in a child's cot as these placed the baby at risk of a cot death. Is this also true in the UK? It seems to make the baby's cot a pretty grim place to be

The risk of cot death for an 18 month old is so low as to be effectively zero. Cot death (SIDS) is only really a risk up until around 6 months. I have never seen a recommendation that an 18 month old should not use a blanket (or even duvet).

By that age they are far more able to cope with objects in their cot as they can recognise sensations, control their bodies and have more strength to wriggle away etc.

Aimless

My MIL could possibly describe me as highly strung and obsessed with following rules, of course what she doesn't realise is my 'rules' are only an easy way of stopping her giving him things that are harmful to him. So drinking water only prevents her from feeding him aspartame laced squash, and I control food so she doesn't give him salt filled gravy, crisps, chocolate... I can't leave him alone with them because I left the room for 30 seconds and came back to find them feeding him faggots in gravy. Because they have no sense of stair safety, because they let him drink out of their glasses.... My parents, I trust.

notanewuser

Aimless wrote: »

My MIL could possibly describe me as highly strung and obsessed with following rules, of course what she doesn't realise is my 'rules' are only an easy way of stopping her giving him things that are harmful to him. So drinking water only prevents her from feeding him aspartame laced squash, and I control food so she doesn't give him salt filled gravy, crisps, chocolate... I can't leave him alone with them because I left the room for 30 seconds and came back to find them feeding him faggots in gravy. Because they have no sense of stair safety, because they let him drink out of their glasses.... My parents, I trust.

I couldn't live like that!!! How old is your child?

DD has drunk from my tea mug from about 9 months or so. We've eaten out with her from about 4 months, gravy and all. She occasionally gets a cup of lemonade or squash. In small doses its all fine.

Aimless

Not yet two, and small for his age, so I keep an eye on salt levels. He gets small amounts of chocolate or maybe a crisp at home, but no way is he allowed the whole bar or bag that he would be given. And aspartame is an absolute no in this house, even my practically adult son doesn't have it.