No toys or blankets in allowed in cot as they can cause cot deaths?

Gigglepig

I don't think the point here is whether a toddler should have excessive salt or not but that it is up to the parents to decide, nobody else. Parents are not likely to wish to leave their kids with relatives who disrespect them or their choices.

Eta - if the parents choices are unacceptable/cruel then it is a matter for social services. But up until that point it is a matter of (their) choice/opinion.

notanewuser

I believe it takes a community/village to raise a child, personally.

Gigglepig

notanewuser wrote: »

I believe it takes a community/village to raise a child, personally.

Me too but grandparents who disrespect the choices made by the parents can't expect this not to negatively impact their relationships. People don't like being undermined and disrespected and are likely to find themselves communities of like minded people...

thorsoak

Aimless wrote: »

Why should I have to accept that they won't follow my rules? It's not like I'm asking them to babysit, is it compulsory to leave your baby with people you're not happy with?

No reason at all for you to accept people who won't follow your rules - but you are sounding as if your rules are extremely dogmatic ....let's hope that your baby continues to follow your rules as he grows up.

Failure to thrive is often caused by parental anxiety and rigidity in adhering to rules.

poet123

Gigglepig wrote: »

Me too but grandparents who disrespect the choices made by the parents can't expect this not to negatively impact their relationships. People don't like being undermined and disrespected and are likely to find themselves communities of like minded people...

There has to be a bit of give and take on all sides though surely, and a sense of proportion?

Historically, grandparents (and I am not one for the record;)) were the ones who doled out treats and slightly indulged their grandchildren. Everything is ok in moderation, so there is no real reason, beyond perhaps a control freakery mindset, that should preclude the occasional packet of crisps or biscuit from an indulgent GP.

I just think that setting rigid rules on trivialities re grandparents simply because you can, is something that, in the long run, means your child misses out.

Aimless

Firstly, you seem to have missed my initial point, that rules become increasingly dogmatic in the face of those who cannot follow them, and seem to have no common sense. So an initial (ignored) please don't give him that, eventually becomes, do not give him anything.

Secondly, my 6 foot eldest son takes care of any concerns I have about my 'regime' causing failure to thrive!

Aimless

poet123 wrote: »

There has to be a bit of give and take on all sides though surely, and a sense of proportion?

Historically, grandparents (and I am not one for the record;)) were the ones who doled out treats and slightly indulged their grandchildren. Everything is ok in moderation, so there is no real reason, beyond perhaps a control freakery mindset, that should preclude the occasional packet of crisps or biscuit from an indulgent GP.

I just think that setting rigid rules on trivialities re grandparents simply because you can, is something that, in the long run, means your child misses out.

He's a baby! They can feed the eldest (within reason) to their heart's content, but not a baby.

notanewuser

Aimless wrote: »

He's a baby! They can feed the eldest (within reason) to their heart's content, but not a baby.

At 2? No he's not.

(He might be your baby, but in development terms he's a little boy.)

poet123

Aimless wrote: »

He's a baby! They can feed the eldest (within reason) to their heart's content, but not a baby.

If he is almost an adult who decides what is "within reason"? It does seem that you want an element of control all the way along the line, even between adults.

At two he is child, not a baby.

If the worst the GP's do is what you have mentioned then......

dizziblonde

Gigglepig wrote: »

Me too but grandparents who disrespect the choices made by the parents can't expect this not to negatively impact their relationships. People don't like being undermined and disrespected and are likely to find themselves communities of like minded people...

I'm probably the least rule-obsessed person I know when it comes to my kids (I have a note on the kitchen cupboards with feed amounts and timings so WE don't get muddled only - have to be relatively careful with her diet because of allergies and the dietician's fairly heavily involved with us but that's about it)... however when any single comment you make like "she'll probably be getting a bit tired by X time as a general rule - and she's a funny one cos when she gets tired she doesn't do eye rubbing or anything - she just goes straight to the irrational and annoyed stage of things" gets shouted down with a barrage of accusations about being overcontrolling and the like - it gets annoying fast. Add in that my MIL then will do things like ramming her head into the cot when the baby is asleep and shouting in her face "OH ARE YOU ASLEEP NOW LITTLE ONE" thus waking her up and I then come home to a very upset and awake baby, and a MIL happily martyring herself about how "oh she's been awake since the second you left" (after we left her very well settled and asleep) and it's just grrrrr!

At the moment I've had to say that I won't leave the youngest one with MIL as she's made so many "oh but she can have a little taste of cheese can't she" type comments when she has an allergy to dairy that I simply can't trust her to not decide she knows better than us, the GP, the health visitor and the dietician on that front - not that I have a confrontation about it - I've managed to do a load of wriggling and dodging the issue so far.

My mother delights in trying to feed the eldest loads of junk to try to provoke a reaction - she was making a big deal about giving her an ice cream in the summer waiting for me to flip out and stop her... wasn't best impressed when I just handed her the baby wipes and told her if she was feeding it - she was on clear up duty afterwards!