Nervous breakdown.

aileth

We've only been married three years, no kids. He's never contributed anything towards the mortgage, the car finance is in my name, as is the logbook. He is the main driver, I am the second insured (I have a licence, but haven't driven in a year as I'm scared of driving).

I've basically just sent him a novel in the form of an email (I can't ring him as I'm at work so fired it off during my lunch hour) basically outlining everything I've said here and, quite bluntly, if he doesn't get his sh*t together, get a f*cking grip and grow the f*ck up, I'm moving back to my home city, selling the house and taking the dog.

tayforth

aileth - honestly, what you've described is terrible. He doesn't pay his share of the bills? Sulks when you ask him to buy fish and chips? Won't shower for days? Prioritises gaming over everything else? (I'm with z.n, I see gaming as a kids' thing tbh)

He sounds like such a catch - NOT.

The telling thing is that he was Mr Wonderful before you moved in together. It sounds like he's totally taking advantage of you and doesn't respect you at all. You deserve more, pet. And you know it. Don't beat yourself up for 'caving in' in the past. But do have a good think about your future and ask yourself if you want to be living like this in 5, 10 or 20 years' time.

Oh and ((((HUGS)))).

Just one more thing: if you're considering leaving him, get a half hour of free legal advice. AFAIK, if it's a short marriage, you may be able to leave with roughly what you 'brought to the table' i.e. you may be able to keep the house. I'm open to correction on this (as you know, I'm going to be divorcing shortly so I'll find out for sure then!).

justme111

Op , I feel for you as it is not nice when it starts to dawn on one his /her loyalty should be reviewed.. all said in this thread you know already. You just chose mot to see it because if you do you will have to act ..

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

We've only been married three years, no kids. He's never contributed anything towards the mortgage, the car finance is in my name, as is the logbook. He is the main driver, I am the second insured (I have a licence, but haven't driven in a year as I'm scared of driving).

I've basically just sent him a novel in the form of an email (I can't ring him as I'm at work so fired it off during my lunch hour) basically outlining everything I've said here and, quite bluntly, if he doesn't get his sh*t together, get a f*cking grip and grow the f*ck up, I'm moving back to my home city, selling the house and taking the dog.

And the car!

mummyroysof3

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm getting the gist of it. Sounds harsh I'm sorry but he won't change and things will only get worse for your mental health if you don't do something about it now.

pingufan

Well, I know it disgusting but the final nail in the coffin was one day that I was ill in work so came home 1 hour early. He had promised to clean the kitchen. I pulled up on the driveway and all the curtains were closed. I walked in the front door and he was sitting there gaming in the nude with a box of tissues (and some used ones:eek:) there next to him. The house was just as I'd left it in the morning, dirty dishes in the sink - nothing at all done. All day he'd just dossed around and was probably going to give the place a quick going through before I came home.

That was the last straw - there was lots to do both inside and outside the house (it was a gorgeous sunny day - perfect for getting on with jobs) and all he wanted to do was sit around having a job of his own...

Any residual love for him died there and then - he disgusted me.

Birdie85

tea_lover wrote: »

They're married, he has rights.

Ahhh but could he actually be bothered to fight for it?

Aileth, if you don't want to leave, you need to make him realise that you expect him to be an equal adult in your relationship. Maybe that comes down to writing down all of the chores involved in running your house and putting each others names down next to each job so he can see what you do compared to him and leave a clear list of what you expect him to do to make it even. If he claims he 'forgets' the little jobs you ask of him, make a big notice board with the list on. Leave post-its on the TV until he gets the hint. Hide the controller for his console. Change the wifi password and tell him he can have it once he's done his fair share of work. Jobs around the house are like a habit and he's not had to do anything for so long he's out of that habit. A few repetitions and you start to get used to doing it again (if that makes any sense)!

As for his personal cleanliness, that's just grim. What self respecting human happily sits around stinking?! Instead of giving up on the strike I'd have chucked his stinky clothes outside then dragged him out and hosed him down! A daily shower really should not be something that you have to remind him to do!

Blackpool_Saver

Everything is in your name because he is a child, you are married to a child, imagine having a real child too, scary. RUN FAST

CRANKY40

Trust me, this model is faulty. Return him to the manufacturer (his mother).

aileth

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Everything is in your name because he is a child, you are married to a child, imagine having a real child too, scary. RUN FAST

Hehe I don't know why but this made me laugh, thank you :rotfl: