Nervous breakdown.

z.n

One chap I know was given the choice between gaming and 'real life' and the PS3 was chucked out the next day. ie she meant business and he knew it.

However, addiction to gaming might be a symptom of depression- the games are reliable and offer a big emotional boost/thrill as well as blocking out the stresses of real life. The solution there might be to wean off the gaming and onto something else that you can do together-eg sport/cycling or other regular hobby. ie there has to be something fun in it-not just the chores. A bit of firmness is necessary. Depending on the reason for the gaming something gently inclusive (if depression) or adrenalin fuelled (if boredom) or enabling full focus (if addictive personality) etc Then get onto the chores!


I am older so gaming is something I think of as a kids activity. It may be that he simply hasn't grown up yet. Some men don't until kids come along- question is whether you are willing to take the risk of having a child with someone who you might not be able to rely on. If not, and you think you might want a family, time to move on methinks.

tea_lover

aileth wrote: »

I've just been thinking about our finances, we both get paid averagely the same, I have about £1,200 outgoings and he has about £100-200.

!!!!!!??? How did that come about??

Mojisola

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Errrrr what? when did I say that? I was merely trying to ascertain if it did become violent or not. It is not my place to tell anyone what to do, neither is it yours, please don't talk down to me. I have lived with a narcissist and I am fully aware of all these traits I promise you.

How would she know whether he would become violent unless she had tried nagging? I don't think there's any circumstances where a partner should have to do this.

aileth

tea_lover wrote: »

!!!!!!??? How did that come about??

He had a house still owned with his ex-wife (He was really slow sorting the paperwork out, should've seen the signs really) when 'we' (I) bought the house we live in at the moment, so I got the mortgage in a sole name. I also had to buy the car on finance as he had too much debt they wouldn't lend him anything. I pay for the pet insurance, home insurance, because I sorted them out because I know he would never, ever think that maybe we needed it.

My dad helped pay for our wedding, which I'm paying him back £200 a month, ending next year somewhere.

I also pay for groceries each month, which is £250 a month.

He pays for the car insurance (£37), the Sky (£40) and the internet (£35), and then petrol, odd bits of things from the shop, on top making it approximately £200-250.

At the time of everything, I was earning significantly more than he was and it just made sense at the time. I'm probably earning now maybe £100 a month more than him, but we haven't split the outgoings.

HPoirot

aileth wrote: »

I'm just thinking he really has his life so cushy... I've just been thinking about our finances, we both get paid averagely the same, I have about £1,200 outgoings and he has about £100-200. He holds a grudge against me if I ask him to go out and get fish and chips and he pay for it...

I know it's a bit off the main topic, but there's a lot of self-reflection at the moment.

Wow. On top of the laziness?

You have been blinded by love and he has been taking you for a mug. Sorry again if I sound harsh...

LannieDuck

aileth wrote: »

I've talked to his mum and dad before. They've had literally a couple of sentence discussion with him before where he has said he's doing his fair share, they've accepted it and that's been that.

Does he really think that?

If he does, you and he need to do a work+chores diary, so you can compare time spent working and time spend in leisure. It might be helpful to do anyway - a shock in black-and-white might be good for him.

aileth wrote: »

I stopped cooking for him for two days and he ate nothing in those two days apart from a twirl bar.

You caved too soon...

There's a very similar thing with toddlers when they're being fussy with food - they may go for days without eating, but they won't consciously starve themselves to death.

aileth wrote: »

I'm just thinking he really has his life so cushy... I've just been thinking about our finances, we both get paid averagely the same, I have about £1,200 outgoings and he has about £100-200. He holds a grudge against me if I ask him to go out and get fish and chips and he pay for it...

Well this one's easily solved. If you're paid similar, split the rent/mortgage and the bills and each pay half. Since you have control of his accounts, you can set up the direct debits.

Blackpool_Saver

Mojisola wrote: »

How would she know whether he would become violent unless she had tried nagging? I don't think there's any circumstances where a partner should have to do this.

You are still arguing a point I never made, tell me where I said she should. No, better not, this isn't about us, get back to the OP and stop saying I said things I didn't, I will not argue a point with you that I never made

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

He had a house still owned with his ex-wife (He was really slow sorting the paperwork out, should've seen the signs really) when 'we' (I) bought the house we live in at the moment, so I got the mortgage in a sole name.

This makes it very straightforward. The house is yours. He has no rights. Pack his stuff and change the locks.

tea_lover

Well I think you should take the finances as a separate issue to the housework and tackle that one first. Just explain that your incomes have changed since things were first set up and it's time for a rethink to ensure it's a fair split.

You're paying for your wedding while he freeloads and doesn't give anything back in terms of finances or housework. That's so unfair

tea_lover

Mojisola wrote: »

This makes it very straightforward. The house is yours. He has no rights. Pack his stuff and change the locks.

They're married, he has rights.