Nervous breakdown.

aileth

pingufan wrote: »

My ex used to hardly wash (too lazy) stay in bed till the last minute for work then leap out with 10 minutes to go. Never do an ounce of housework, just sit around gaming all day, never do any gardening, take any rubbish out, never open a bill or letter etc. But always had plenty of time to go play cricket every saturday. He was a complete waste of space in every single way but he was a nice guy. Just never husband / father material - I was literally his mother.

After I left I went back to the house to get stuff a few weeks later to find the kitchen knee deep in takeaway cartons, cans, dirty plates, rubbish everywhere, overflowing washing machine, damp clothes everywhere and a filty bathroom / toilet.

And he's probably the same to this day...

Honestly, that sounds like him in a nutshell.

DKLS

I would suggest binning his console shortly followed by him if he doesnt change his ways for the better.

His depression will never improve if he is hiding away in a virtual world.

sleepymans

I feel your stress and pain Aileth. I have been in a very similar situation.
I let it go on for far too long.
The truth is that people do not change unless they want to or need to.
I dont think your OH wants to - his life is probably pretty much what he wants, and
I dont think he needs to. I say that because you have different "standards" and goals in life...at least the two of you seem incompatible in the ways you described in this and your previous similar thread. He probably feels that if these things bother YOU thats your problem and not his. And he is right isnt he? He hasnt had any real negative consequences for not changing.

In my case, the regular "blow-ups" where the result was my OH made an effort for a short time and then reverted to type.....merely reinforced the behaviour as he learnt I probably would forgive him initially and he could just forget all the promises and stop making the effort.

Guess what? After 33 years together I have had to realise he will never be the man I had try to make him.

I no longer love him.

As it happens I have had a lover for years who IS the man I want. (By the way my OH knows all about my secondary relationship - so no need to think I am an evil cheat!)

Although I regret some of the 33 years spent investing my love in him, trying my hardest to make the relationship work, I am lucky that met my lover at the right time in HIS life so that I am now rather late in life, making plans for the rest of my life with someone who shares my standards and goals.

My OH can sit in his pit and live the rest of his lonely life in his own way. It will no longer be my problem.

I just post this to warn you aileth that you could be my age when you come to the same conclusion as me........you probably just arent ever going to resolve this and live happily ever after with your OH, no matter how much you think you love him today.

Your mental health and future happiness are in YOUR hands.

Best of luck

pingufan

aileth wrote: »

Honestly, that sounds like him in a nutshell.

Lol, perhaps I am the first wife!

HPoirot

aileth wrote: »

Honestly, that sounds like him in a nutshell.

Please look after yourself OP x

Mojisola

pingufan wrote: »

Lol, perhaps I am the first wife!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

aileth

I have been talking to him and he says the reasons he 'forgets' things or 'fobs them off' is because when he comes home he wants to relax. Well, doesn't everybody? I asked him what was more relaxing, doing the pots after dinner and THEN going on the computer, or fobbing the pots off for a week and me nagging him constantly and getting upset. (I cook, he does the pots, that's the deal). He hasn't responded yet funnily enough.

Blackpool_Saver

Ok, so he doesn't turn nasty if you leave the jobs he won't do, what if you press him to do them (what men call nagging) and don't give up pressing.........does he get nasty then?

pingufan

sleepymans wrote: »

I feel your stress and pain Aileth. I have been in a very similar situation.
I let it go on for far too long.
The truth is that people do not change unless they want to or need to.
I dont think your OH wants to - his life is probably pretty much what he wants, and
I dont think he needs to. I say that because you have different "standards" and goals in life...at least the two of you seem incompatible in the ways you described in this and your previous similar thread. He probably feels that if these things bother YOU thats your problem and not his. And he is right isnt he? He hasnt had any real negative consequences for not changing.

In my case, the regular "blow-ups" where the result was my OH made an effort for a short time and then reverted to type.....merely reinforced the behaviour as he learnt I probably would forgive him initially and he could just forget all the promises and stop making the effort.

Guess what? After 33 years together I have had to realise he will never be the man I had try to make him.

I no longer love him.

As it happens I have had a lover for years who IS the man I want. (By the way my OH knows all about my secondary relationship - so no need to think I am an evil cheat!)

Although I regret some of the 33 years spent investing my love in him, trying my hardest to make the relationship work, I am lucky that met my lover at the right time in HIS life so that I am now rather late in life, making plans for the rest of my life with someone who shares my standards and goals.

My OH can sit in his pit and live the rest of his lonely life in his own way. It will no longer be my problem.

I just post this to warn you aileth that you could be my age when you come to the same conclusion as me........you probably just arent ever going to resolve this and live happily ever after with your OH, no matter how much you think you love him today.

Your mental health and future happiness are in YOUR hands.

Best of luck

:T I'm just glad I left my ex before I invested a lifetime in him - I had wasted all of my early 20's on him. It was very easy to fall in love with someone else - I felt very guilty as I had actuallly married the ex 6 months earlier when he promised for 100th time he would change - as soon as we married he reverted to type. He will never change, sorry x

mucklebones

sleepymans wrote: »

I just post this to warn you aileth that you could be my age when you come to the same conclusion as me........you probably just arent ever going to resolve this and live happily ever after with your OH, no matter how much you think you love him today.

Your mental health and future happiness are in YOUR hands.

Best of luck

This ^^

Too often people let it go on too long, before you know it you waste many years unhappy. It sounds to me as though no matter what you do it wont resolve. How many ultimatums, talks about how much it upsets you and broken promises will it take?

I hope you can be strong and do whats best for you.