Nervous breakdown.

sassyblue

aileth wrote: »

He only lived with his mum growing up and had a fairly tough childhood, but yes most things were done for him. His ex-wife did EVERYTHING for him as well, including taking care of his finances. She left him because she received no support. Honestly, I thought it was nasty of her to begin with, but I'm actually starting to think she had a point.

Had a point? He hasn't changed a bit aileth. I agree with the poster who said do your own stuff and let him stew

tea_lover

aileth wrote: »

He was only diagnosed with depression maybe a year ago, but was the same for a good couple of years before that.

He was a wonderful, thoughtful and helpful man when I first met him, very independent and didn't need to ask him to do anything.

Was this before you lived together?

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

He only lived with his mum growing up and had a fairly tough childhood, but yes most things were done for him.

His ex-wife did EVERYTHING for him as well, including taking care of his finances. She left him because she received no support. Honestly, I thought it was nasty of her to begin with, but I'm actually starting to think she had a point.

aileth wrote: »

He was only diagnosed with depression maybe a year ago, but was the same for a good couple of years before that.

He was a wonderful, thoughtful and helpful man when I first met him, very independent and didn't need to ask him to do anything.

So when he doesn't have a resident slave he can manage his life.

While he's in between slaves he can behave like a reasonable human being. As soon as he doesn't need to any longer, he reverts to his selfish mode.

He is choosing to live like this. A strike won't work because he knows you'll break before him. Even if I had to live in a tent, I'd be out of that house!

HPoirot

aileth wrote: »

He was only diagnosed with depression maybe a year ago, but was the same for a good couple of years before that.

He was a wonderful, thoughtful and helpful man when I first met him, very independent and didn't need to ask him to do anything.

If it helps, my OH gets complacent VERY easily over chores and sometimes acts as if it were all my responsibility. A couple of days of no cooking and cleaning, going on a strike as you say, sorts him out.

Some men are all to happy having a little wifey to look after them, what I need in my case is not to do more than my fair share in case he gets ideas. I know it seems mean but it's the only way I know to deal with it.

pingufan

My ex used to hardly wash (too lazy) stay in bed till the last minute for work then leap out with 10 minutes to go. Never do an ounce of housework, just sit around gaming all day, never do any gardening, take any rubbish out, never open a bill or letter etc. But always had plenty of time to go play cricket every saturday. He was a complete waste of space in every single way but he was a nice guy. Just never husband / father material - I was literally his mother.

After I left I went back to the house to get stuff a few weeks later to find the kitchen knee deep in takeaway cartons, cans, dirty plates, rubbish everywhere, overflowing washing machine, damp clothes everywhere and a filty bathroom / toilet.

And he's probably the same to this day...

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

No, he just shrugs and continues doing nothing. If I don't do things for him or ask him to do things, he doesn't do it, and when I had a mini strike he continued that way until I had enough from the BO smell. I stopped cooking for him for two days and he ate nothing in those two days apart from a twirl bar.

HPoirot wrote: »

If it helps, my OH gets complacent VERY easily over chores and sometimes acts as if it were all my responsibility. A couple of days of no cooking and cleaning, going on a strike as you say, sorts him out.

It doesn't sound as if that will work with this man.

aliasojo

I think the hardest thing sometimes is just accepting things are what they are.

I think we think things will change if we try hard enough or do *this* or try *that* so we hang on in there just waiting to catch a break.

Thing is though, that only really works if we're dealing with ourselves. We can't implement change in others and if they wont change then that's when we have to accept it and that's what a lot of us struggle to do. It feels like we're giving up or that we've just not tried the *right* thing.

That's rubbish though and sometimes people's natural characters are just stronger than our attempts to change things.

Aileth, you really need to look at this as dispassionately as you can. Your emotions are keeping you with this man, but they can't do anything about changing things so try to think with your head instead of your heart.

What would be worse for you? Pain in the short term if you were to spilt up or years of upset similar to the way you feel now?

pingufan

aliasojo wrote: »

I think the hardest thing sometimes is just accepting things are what they are.

I think we think things will change if we try hard enough or do *this* or try *that* so we hang on in there just waiting to catch a break.

Thing is though, that only really works if we're dealing with ourselves. We can't implement change in others and if they wont change then that's when we have to accept it and that's what a lot of us struggle to do. It feels like we're giving up or that we've just not tried the *right* thing.

That's rubbish though and sometimes people's natural characters are just stronger than our attempts to change things.

Aileth, you really need to look at this as dispassionately as you can. Your emotions are keeping you with this man, but they can't do anything about changing things so try to think with your head instead of your heart.

What would be worse for you? Pain in the short term if you were to spilt up or years of upset similar to the way you feel now?

You will waste your life if you stay with him - take it from me! And it WILL give you a nervous breakdown as per your title!

aileth

tea_lover wrote: »

Was this before you lived together?

Yes, it was.

heartbreak_star

Can you take part of his gaming device away so he can't play? Power cable or controller?

Then he might realise how upset you are.

HBS x