Nervous breakdown.

Person_one

How dodgy is this area?

Perception can sometimes be worse than reality, I live in what a lot of people might call a dangerous area but I've been here alone for 3 years now and I'm fine, I feel perfectly safe.

A dog is an excellent deterrent to burglars/muggers anyway, far more so than a lazy husband!

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

I do get the impression shes had this conversation more than once.

And to be honest, no one should be forced into a situation where they clean, cook and pay their fair share of household bills, as well as wash themselves.

I think the fact that his first wife left him due to his lack of support speaks volumes.

Hang. On.....she wasn't 'forced' was she? She certainly sounds as if she's been 'danced' into into it which is slightly different and not wholly one sided though the self realisation for most of us hits when we are in it not while we are getting in to it.

Op I also suggest if he raises the depression that you ask he take active steps to combat it. Of example, the gaming sounds a real issue. Could it be a contributory factor to the degree its played? Should he go cold turkey there. Does he get any exercise ? Should that be something you consider...is it something you could do together if you stick at things?

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Hang. On.....she wasn't 'forced' was she? She certainly sounds as if she's been 'danced' into into it which is slightly different and not wholly one sided though the self realisation for most of us hits when we are in it not while we are getting in to it.

Op I also suggest if he raises the depression that you ask he take active steps to combat it. Of example, the gaming sounds a real issue. Could it be a contributory factor to the degree its played? Should he go cold turkey there. Does he get any exercise ? Should that be something you consider...is it something you could do together if you stick at things?

I was meaning she shouldnt have to force him to do his fair share. He should be able to do it without being nagged into it or her making herself ill.

Shes spoken about the depression and the support shes given him re this on other threads.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

I was meaning she shouldnt have to force him to do his fair share. He should be able to do it without being nagged into it or her making herself ill.

Shes spoken about the depression and the support shes given him re this on other threads.

Ah, right, sorry.:)

No, i agree. But it certainly tallies with 'something' being wrong with him. What I don't think anyone on a forum can be in a position to guess can they? I certainly think that his problems are probably relevant to the situation and cannot be dismissed though.

paulineb_2

Depression can be incredibly debilitating, but as far as I know, hes not on medication at the moment and he can get up and go to work daily. I know there are millions of people all over the world who have some kind of depression and who can work.

But what he is doing seems to be selective. He sorted a cable, he took a microwave to the tip and he went out shopping to get dinner.

Thats not the actions of someone who cant do, its the actions of someone who chooses to do the things he wants to do and stuff the bits he doesnt

I do agree about the gaming though, I think its taken over his life and if he wasnt spending so many hours on the computer, he might actually get off his backside and do other things.

No idea what to suggest tbh, he has to want to help himself and it doesnt really look like he wants to at the moment, nor does he seem to care how upset the OH is.

Blackpool_Saver

Is he smoking the wacky?

Blackpool_Saver

paulineb wrote: »

what he is doing seems to be selective. He sorted a cable, he took a microwave to the tip and he went out shopping to get dinner.

That's not the actions of someone who cant do, its the actions of someone who chooses to do the things he wants to do and stuff the bits he doesn't

.

yes it is

justme111

I would have given away to his parents his PlayStation. Left it on their doorstep. So he has a choice - either to stay with you and no station or move out.

Blackpool_Saver

justme111 wrote: »

I would have given away to his parents his PlayStation. Left it on their doorstep. So he has a choice - either to stay with you and no station or move out.

Now that's a good Idea, I wonder if he would follow it or pick it up and bring it home....hmmmm

Yorkie1

Aileth, one thing which occurs to me re. the finances: if you decide to ask for more money from him towards household finances, you might wish to ensure that he pays no money towards the mortgage.

At present, he's paid nothing towards the house, no decorating, etc - therefore he hasn't obviously made any contributions which might enable him to gain a stake in the house through being married to you.

However, if you accept money towards the mortgage (as opposed to a simple split of the other bills i.e. living expenses) then it could cause you problems in the future if you do split up.

For the time being, keep this part of your finances safe.