Nervous breakdown.

CH27

aileth wrote: »

He's asked for time to sort it out, and I've said yes. I agree with you, Lostinrates. I have told him now what I plan and he seemed rather disheartened, but tbh I'm a bit past being suckered in and feeling bad about saying what I really feel.

If he has sweet f-all in a week, I'm packing the dog and going to my parents.

No!!!!!!!! It's your house. Do not leave.

pingufan

What about kids? Would you like a family at some point?

If so you will need a partner who will work at the relationship, get involved and help as much as he can to make all your lives run as smoothly as possible. If i'd stayed with the ex and had kids by now I would be burned out both physically and emotionally.

The emotional strain of living with someone whose life you have to run too is exhausting. I think it simply comes down to zero respect - my husband respects the fact that I work full time, keep a house and am as good a mum as I can be to the children and a wife to him. He works full time too but simply slots into my role, cooks, cleans will do anything for the children just the same as me.

It makes for a good family atmosphere, leaves little to argue over, and a smooth running household which can only be good for the kids.

Can you imagine trying to raise a family with this man?

nickj_2

why put up with someone who makes you sad , you could be having fun with someone who makes you glad

HPoirot

CH27 wrote: »

No!!!!!!!! It's your house. Do not leave.

Kick him out, nothing like landing on your b*ckside for a wakeup call.

HPoirot

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm certainly not going to defend him, but I think you should be clear about your intentions.

Its seems to me that a lot of the complaints in relationships are lack of clarity about communication.

I am blunt to a fault in mine, saying what I think, and asking if he thinks that's fair and what his thoughts are then , when that's dealt with I say right, so this is what I feel I need.....this to be at this point by x date.


He can not like it and renegotiate it, but at least it gets dialogue open, clear and flowing.

I am remembering you are not dealing with such a willing partner, but I still think for your sake you need to be as upfront and clear in your communication as you can be.

(This serves us well, we've argued three times in ten years, all my fault, and my instigation, mainly because I like a bit of a row to clear the air....(ingrained bad habits I've mainly got over and he's my best ally in this) ..:(. But I work hard at communication because I know its the lynch pin of success, not a row as I would go for or avoidance as he might! )

I think it's the OH who refuses to communicate here, ignoring aileth's pleas and putting forward lies instead.

Errata

Put another hat on and think about what you would tell a daughter who was putting up with all this nonsense! It will help you to see the tree and not the woods.

lostinrates

HPoirot wrote: »

I think it's the OH who refuses to communicate here, ignoring aileth's pleas and putting forward lies instead.

As I say, I'm not defending him, and I agree, he's behaving appallingly from the description. Aileth is saying however, that she wants it to work, So if that's the case she needs to communicate clearly.

If she wants to leave soon she needs to know she's given it the chance she could and he can't say 'if I'd known how you felt....you didn't tell me how bad you felt and I was feeling bad and was engrossed in that'. Now she's been honest, he can either buck up or face the consequences and Aileth needs to stand by what she has said.

Person_one

Even the fact that he says he's going to 'help' rather than buck up his ideas and do his fair share, is telling.

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

As I say, I'm not defending him, and I agree, he's behaving appallingly from the description. Aileth is saying however, that she wants it to work, So if that's the case she needs to communicate clearly.

If she wants to leave soon she needs to know she's given it the chance she could and he can't say 'if I'd known how you felt....you didn't tell me how bad you felt and I was feeling bad and was engrossed in that'. Now she's been honest, he can either buck up or face the consequences and Aileth needs to stand by what she has said.

I do get the impression shes had this conversation more than once.

And to be honest, no one should be forced into a situation where they clean, cook and pay their fair share of household bills, as well as wash themselves.

I think the fact that his first wife left him due to his lack of support speaks volumes.

Dimey

I've read the remainder of the thread now and for what its worth, I think you're doing the right thing Aileth.

At the end of the week's trial - Don't leave your house. Get him to leave, ask his parents to collect him if he won't go.

Then ask a friend to stay with you at least for a week. Change the locks immediately. You can decide what to do in the longer term. As its a dodgy area it would be best not to leave the house empty. If you eventually want to move home to parents then get a lodger (or rent it out if your lender agrees) till you can sell the house.

Make sure he or his parents pay you back the money he filched from you over the secret laptop and credit card business. Add on the money he owes you from the wrong weekly allocations.

Get yourself to a Solicitor to divorce on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. If OH won't consent to admit that then get a legal separation with all the details worked out just like a divorce and go for the divorce in a couple of years of being apart.

Sad but you have to save yourself. Be careful, after the lies over the credit cards and his lack of respect for you, I don't think you can trust OH as much as you think. The poster who asked whether he might be on drugs might have a valid question.