Nervous breakdown.

justme111

Absolutely. Whenever I hear "deserve to be treated like a princess " I cringe.
Agreed its not enough sadly what's he doing now .. when things been wrong for so long it is seen by participants as normal. So when one of those who participated kicks off other feels shortchanged and treated badly instead of realising how wrong it was before. Specially that such kicks are usually accompanied by negative emotions. So it looks like your husband will be all proud that he done the floor once and indignated this massive effort has not erased all bad feelings and if it does not it will be a proof for him that "nothing is good for you " and you have no valid point , just badood/don't love him so he really does not need to change.

Forgive my pessimism , I really hope you two could manage it and sort thearriage ...

paulineb_2

I actually feel when Ive seen some of the OPs threads it reminds me of me stuck in a miserable long term relationship with someone who didnt value me and who other people outside of the relationship thought was a lovely guy and I was in denial, I must have been, always looking for the good, the tiniest bit of something that meant that this person was a good guy when he was absolutely not.

I think it was the thread you posted about him possibly drinking himself into oblivion on a night out with his brother, shows just how much you worry, how much you have to do to keep him on the straight and narrow and thats before all this stuff about how little he does to support you and the fact that you are also bailing him out financially.

It can be a massive shock when you realise you are getting eff all positive out of a relationship

I remember my ex saying to me that he and his ex were going to get back together at one point and guess what, he couldnt be bothered, just summed him up all over. Could be bothered with certain things but not the things that mattered

And what I went through year after year was the same old, getting upset about the same things over and over, on a loop until one day I said, just GTF.

Some people are a waste of space, Im really sorry to have to say that, but they are and they are bad relationship material.

justme111

Havi.g read what Pauline said - we do not want to admit we were wrong cause it is shameful to us so we just go on with it .. i don't think I have read op,s other threads , what stroked me in this one was her saying he can be sweet as his positive quality. It's like sayi.g "he has 2 arms", everybody can be sweet , well almost.

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Havi.g read what Pauline said - we do not want to admit we were wrong cause it is shameful to us so we just go on with it .. i don't think I have read op,s other threads , what stroked me in this one was her saying he can be sweet as his positive quality. It's like sayi.g "he has 2 arms", everybody can be sweet , well almost.

Sometimes its because the person was nice to you at the beginning, sounds stupid, but it can screw your mind.

The worst two relationships Ive ever had have been with people who were lovely to me to start with, in one case for about 6 months, then they show the not good side and you think, hang on, how did this unravel, so you stay because you are partly in denial about how someone so "lovely" could turn out to be a complete twit and also the whole thing about having invested time in the relationship and not wanting to end it without giving it a best shot

If I had my time again, Id have booted the pair of them to the kerb, pronto after about 3 months in

If alarm bells are ringing, listen to them, dont ignore them and for gods sake dont convince yourself you are happy when you are anything but, I did that for way too long

Single and happy is much better than being coupled up and miserable, that is the very bottom line

Dimey

marisco wrote: »

I don't see why this mans parents should pay the OP back what her husband owes her. If they bail him out then that would just be another time, when he has been enabled to sit back and not had to take responsibility for his actions. Something it would appear he doesn't need any encouragement or assistance to be able to do. He is well past the age where his mum or dad sort out his problems for him.

Agreed but it might shame him if she asked.

paulineb_2

Dimey wrote: »

Agreed but it might shame him if she asked.

I wouldnt ask them, they arent responsible for their son being awful with money, it might just cause more problems, if he really wants to start being a proper partner, he wont need shaming, he'll sort his financial life out, man the hell up and start acting his age and not like an overgrown teenager.

Plus, thats just papering over the cracks really anyway, he needs to make massive changes and make them for good, not be shamed into paying what he owes the OP and it has to come from him.

If he cant do it on his own, then it basically says he doesnt give an eff about the marriage

I also think the OP should stop bailing him out, stop looking after his finances, stop making sure everything of his is paid.

Let him sink or swim, he should be adult enough to be able to pay a simple bill, theres no excuse for getting to the age of 30 and be on marriage number two but he cant do the simplest thing that many adults are capable of.

trolleyrun

Just to clarify: Aileth deserves to be treated well, not how she's been treated currently. When I say Aileth deserves to be treated like a princess, I mean that she deserves someone who respects, cherishes and loves her and would do anything to make her happy. Hope that clears that one up.

For some reason my first post (on page 1) on this thread has disappeared. Very baffling.

Maz

aileth wrote: »

Thank you everyone. Think I've motivated something, whether its permanent or not only time will tell.

I was in the spare room browsing the thread last night and could hear him vacuuming the whole house, then cleaned the whole living room and kitchen. Even if it turns out to be temporary, it was a lovely sound to hear.

He has a day off again today and will be interesting to see what gets done, if anything.

My ex husband used to do this when things came to a head about his lack of effort and general 'don't give a sh!tness'. Funnily enough, he only did it when I was at home and was sure to hear the hoover roaring lol

It never lasted and was always a token gesture, normal lack of service was resumed pretty much the next day.

Have read the thread and think you're on a hiding to nothing tbh, sorry to be so blunt.

justme111

When one shames other into doing something one assumes "critical parent " position. It's wrong. Consequence is other assuming "rebelious child" one and tango starts all over again .

Mupette

i need to ask, is it world of Warcraft he plays? if so what server and what name does he go by, perhaps an in game shout would show him up a bit???