Nervous breakdown.

tonycottee

Mupette wrote: »

i need to ask, is it world of Warcraft he plays? if so what server and what name does he go by, perhaps an in game shout would show him up a bit???

Judging by the people I know, if there's one group of this people on this planet who wouldn't be shocked that he wasn't showering, it would be World of Warcraft players...

dragonette

tonycottee wrote: »

Judging by the people I know, if there's one group of this people on this planet who wouldn't be shocked that he wasn't showering, it would be World of Warcraft players...

Perhaps some players, in my guild he would a whole heap of abuse for his behaviour! Possibly guild kicked if he started being unpleasant to us. I'm one of the youngest, being in my mid twenties. Most are in their thirties, all hold responsible jobs and certainly everyone close by keeps a nice home. Not that I've visited those in other countries.

If he's in a hardcore raiding guild, it won't be helping, but it certainly isn't even approaching an excuse!

Aileth, I'm afraid I agree he has to go, I've been there and its horrible, but you deserve so much more than he's giving you.

Mupette

tonycottee wrote: »

Judging by the people I know, if there's one group of this people on this planet who wouldn't be shocked that he wasn't showering, it would be World of Warcraft players...

I'm a guild master and female, i would not tolerate it, my guild is very much laid back, and it is known we are family orientated, real life comes first, maybe that's why we have been running from the beginning, if there was a member who had real life issues then they are spoken to in private and we work out if there is anything that can be done, sometimes someone just listening helps, they know not to pull the trick of my wife expects me to help at home, I have MS, so wow is my escapism, my husband plays wow with me, but when it comes to it, he will help around the house when i need help.

dragonette wrote: »

Perhaps some players, in my guild he would a whole heap of abuse for his behaviour! Possibly guild kicked if he started being unpleasant to us. I'm one of the youngest, being in my mid twenties. Most are in their thirties, all hold responsible jobs and certainly everyone close by keeps a nice home. Not that I've visited those in other countries.

If he's in a hardcore raiding guild, it won't be helping, but it certainly isn't even approaching an excuse!

Aileth, I'm afraid I agree he has to go, I've been there and its horrible, but you deserve so much more than he's giving you.

nods, I quite agree


i would of unplugged the network cable and taken it to work with me, i must admit, when wow is down and you read the forums the screaming and tantrums that go on make me laugh.

online gaming is an escapism from responsibilities in the real world, but some people take it too far i think. It most definitely isn't the be all and end all or however the saying goes.

OP my heart goes out to you, i hope things turn out ok, my husband can still behave like he is a bachelor and as soon as i notice he is slacking i soon have words, especially as i am ill and do need the help, i just have a habit of asking for something to be done, wait 10 mins and go and do it my self, husband has just leant to ask me each day when he gets home, is there anything i want him to do, and I've just learnt to leave things for him, give and take for me and him, but some men just don't want to play that way especially if they were pandered to when they were growing up, I've taught my son to be independent from an early age, he's 18 now and if he doesn't tidy his room it will smell and be shameful for him, especially now he has a steady girlfriend, amazing what this boy will do now :rotfl:

aileth

Hi all. Yes, he plays WoW, as do I. I am in a semi-hardcore raiding guild, he doesn't. Honestly, WoW doesn't help, but its just the PC as a whole. I view the raiding as a hobby and would never, ever sacrifice anything for it, yet he is quite happy to sit there all day on a Saturday without showering.

Like someone mentioned before, I think addictive personality is a lot to do with it.

Mupette

aileth wrote: »

Hi all. Yes, he plays WoW, as do I. I am in a semi-hardcore raiding guild, he doesn't. Honestly, WoW doesn't help, but its just the PC as a whole. I view the raiding as a hobby and would never, ever sacrifice anything for it, yet he is quite happy to sit there all day on a Saturday without showering.

Like someone mentioned before, I think addictive personality is a lot to do with it.

The offer is there, just let us know where or when.. although tomorrow for a long weekend husband and i are off, guess what yes the laptop is coming with us to do the daily of making cloth or metal etc etc.. secretly hope there is no wifi around

bargainbetty

Aileth, I'm sorry to keep banging on about this, but make sure he gets that bank account sorted out. Tell him that part of being equal is taking responsibility for his finances. He should have a personal account, and even if you end up paying off the other overdraft (and I think you might), take the cards off him so he cannot use it again. You are not responsible for his spending, and he needs to demonstrate that he can manage his own affairs.

I hope he manages to clean the garden out too x

aileth

bargainbetty wrote: »

Aileth, I'm sorry to keep banging on about this, but make sure he gets that bank account sorted out. Tell him that part of being equal is taking responsibility for his finances. He should have a personal account, and even if you end up paying off the other overdraft (and I think you might), take the cards off him so he cannot use it again. You are not responsible for his spending, and he needs to demonstrate that he can manage his own affairs.

I hope he manages to clean the garden out too x

Yep, I am going to start moving things just in case and sorting things out so in case I do give him the ol' heave-ho it'll be easier and I won't be dragged down into financial abyss with him.

He did a fair bit yesterday to be honest to him and seemed much chirpier than usual, but doesn't really surprise me as this is normally how it goes for two weeks before he forgets all the progress he made overnight.

As a joke, I said to him not to worry about the financial splitting and there was no, "No, don't be silly, we need to be equal", it was just a nod and a smile, and then when I told him I was joking, he turned into a right sour puss. True colours or bloody what.

lostinrates

aileth wrote: »

Yep, I am going to start moving things just in case and sorting things out so in case I do give him the ol' heave-ho it'll be easier and I won't be dragged down into financial abyss with him.

He did a fair bit yesterday to be honest to him and seemed much chirpier than usual, but doesn't really surprise me as this is normally how it goes for two weeks before he forgets all the progress he made overnight.

As a joke, I said to him not to worry about the financial splitting and there was no, "No, don't be silly, we need to be equal", it was just a nod and a smile, and then when I told him I was joking, he turned into a right sour puss. True colours or bloody what.

Tbh, I think the joking about the financial situation isn't helping you. It goes back to clear communication and knowing where each of you stand.

How are you feeling now Aileth, are you clearer on want you want for your future?

aileth

lostinrates wrote: »

Tbh, I think the joking about the financial situation isn't helping you. It goes back to clear communication and knowing where each of you stand.

How are you feeling now Aileth, are you clearer on want you want for your future?

I know, I was just curious.

No, not really. I have a feeling I will be in two weeks when we go back to square one again. No joke, each time we have arguments about these sorts of thing, he is the perfect husband for two weeks, and then literally on the eve of the 14th day he goes back to how he was.

Another thing that is holding me back a bit is that my family are all incredibly old-fashioned (as am I a bit I suppose, in divorce being the very, very, very last resort) and it'd 'shame' them a bit for me to divorce. I'm the first of my generation to be married, and my parents, aunties, uncles, grandparents (when alive) etc are all/have been married for 30+ years. I would seriously feel like the black sheep and probably be made to feel like it constantly.

With an ex who was particularly nasty to me, when I told my mum what he had done and that I was leaving him, they were ultra supportive. However, when I've rang my mum up to vent or to talk about how I feel, she is all supportive until I mention the D word, and then it's, "But you're married now, that means something you know, you've only been married 3 years, you can't just leave someone like that, you have to try and work it out, you have to stick it out." Of course, the words ring a bit hollow with me as her and my dad have been miserable for years (because of her might I add).

I know I shouldn't worry about what my family thinks and my happiness is what matters, but the fallout from everything is weighing heavily on my mind, I have to admit.

I also a particularly repulsive bossy aunt who nitpicks to hell and back (She complained about our wedding, e.g. we were on a budget so just provided a bottle of red and a bottle of white for each table during the breakfast and during the breakfast she actually came up to the top table to call us cheapskates for only providing two bottles). Then they complained that the hotel was filthy and a state to my dad, who had paid for it.

She would seriously make life hell for my parents (and me, on the rare occasion I see her) and probably wouldn't let the failure of the marriage drop for years and years.

Just thinking about everything is worrying me.

thorsoak

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives! Your happiness is in your hands ....nothing to do with your aunt!