Nervous breakdown.

aileth

He works in a call centre, and yes he tells me he hates his job but goes to it quite happily and has never made an attempt to change it. One of the things that annoys me is that he constantly moans about it but has never looked for another.

Thank you so much for your input everyone. And I invite bluntness, its honest and helpful.

Dimey

aileth wrote: »

He had a house still owned with his ex-wife (He was really slow sorting the paperwork out, should've seen the signs really) when 'we' (I) bought the house we live in at the moment, so I got the mortgage in a sole name. I also had to buy the car on finance as he had too much debt they wouldn't lend him anything. I pay for the pet insurance, home insurance, because I sorted them out because I know he would never, ever think that maybe we needed it.

My dad helped pay for our wedding, which I'm paying him back £200 a month, ending next year somewhere.

I also pay for groceries each month, which is £250 a month.

He pays for the car insurance (£37), the Sky (£40) and the internet (£35), and then petrol, odd bits of things from the shop, on top making it approximately £200-250.

At the time of everything, I was earning significantly more than he was and it just made sense at the time. I'm probably earning now maybe £100 a month more than him, but we haven't split the outgoings.

Oh Aileth....I got as far as this post and just had to write before reaching the end of the thread.

OMG - Are bells ringing in your head having written this down? You are paying for virtually everything. Thank goodness the house is in your name.

I remember your last thread where hubby can't stop drinking when he goes out for a drink with his brother. Now the Gaming - clearly your OH has an addictive personality and the Gaming has taken over life at home.

I don't hear depression as a reason for his selfish behaviour. I hear laziness and taking advantage.

Your life doesn't sound happy. You may love him but you are on the road to resenting him. How long do you accept being walked all over? I said in the last thread that you also have to look to yourself for enabling him by mothering him.

I would take drastic action. I'd get rid of the Gaming kit, yours and his - give them to a friend before he comes home. I'd tell him that his addiction is ruining your marriage and if he wants to save it then you work together as equal partners and he puts in as much effort an money as you.

If he can't be bothered to invest as much as you in your marriage then he can go get his Gaming kit from your friend and walk off into the sunshine with his Gaming addiction.

If he stays then no more being his mum. Split tasks and expenditure 50/50. eg. as he won't wash the dishes then he must cook and you wash, or alternate.

Sorry to say this but as I wouldn't trust him to keep up reasonable behaviour, I'd keep the house and mortgage in my name only. Sooner or later I'm thinking you'll be living without him for your own sanity and bank balance.

Oh Aileth. I do feel for you.

aileth

We've had a long talk (I say talk, not going to lie I got a bit heated, I've had a lot to think about all day).

I'm not sure he sees or understands where I'm coming from, simply that hell do more to 'help', no specifics.

I haven't told him, but I'm giving him a week and see what happens. I told him how many times I've been five minutes away from hopping on the train and going home, I even got to the station once, and that I think about it every day after work and my bus goes past the station. He seemed quite shocked by that.

Sorry if that's short and condensed but I can't remember a lot even though it just happened, my mind is racing.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

We've had a long talk (I say talk, not going to lie I got a bit heated, I've had a lot to think about all day).

I'm not sure he sees or understands where I'm coming from, simply that hell do more to 'help', no specifics.

I haven't told him, but I'm giving him a week and see what happens. I told him how many times I've been five minutes away from hopping on the train and going home, I even got to the station once, and that I think about it every day after work and my bus goes past the station. He seemed quite shocked by that.

You pay most of the bills, he doesnt do a stitch around the house and he cant really see where you are coming from?

Sorry to sound cynical, but I dont think hes going to do anything to change his ways. If he cant see where you are coming from, maybe make a poster saying you are a lazy !!!!!!! and pin it to the bedroom door when you leave for work in the morning.

Or email him and say, you are a lazy slob and I cant stand it anymore, you are useless with money and you sit around the house on your days off doing !!!! all while I work my backside off paying for your inability to manage money and our wedding.

And if you dont take drastic steps to change in the next few days, divorce. Again.

Maybe he might then see where you are coming from. And dont do his cleaning, washing or cooking while you wait for him to get the finger out, because if you do, it just sounds like he can do what he likes and you'll always do what needs to be done.

HPoirot

I don't think he gets it either. He'll probably be alright for a few days because he wasn't expecting you to think of leaving, but once the dust has settled he will be back to form. The penny hasn't dropped it seems.

CH27

aileth wrote: »

We've had a long talk (I say talk, not going to lie I got a bit heated, I've had a lot to think about all day).

I'm not sure he sees or understands where I'm coming from, simply that hell do more to 'help', no specifics.

I haven't told him, but I'm giving him a week and see what happens. I told him how many times I've been five minutes away from hopping on the train and going home, I even got to the station once, and that I think about it every day after work and my bus goes past the station. He seemed quite shocked by that.

Sorry if that's short and condensed but I can't remember a lot even though it just happened, my mind is racing.

He's choosing not to see or understand.
He's hoping you will shut up & forget about it & then he can carry on as normal.

Kick his lazy, selfish bum out.

sulphate

You have to tell him to SHOWER?

I have to write my husband a list of chores to do sometimes because he's dyspraxic and forgetful, but not to that extent.

I think you should call it a day. Sorry.

Blackpool_Saver

When he was tested for depression was he tested for aspergers? he seems to be completely vacant, zombified

Funky_Bold_Ribena

During this week; please buy a new lock for the door; it literally takes minutes to change. One week from today, whilst he is out getting tea [from a chippy?] just change it. Or book a man to come and do it for you. At least you will be prepared. I very much doubt that a miraculous change will happen overnight.

Remember - marriage is only a bit of paper.

HPoirot

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

When he was tested for depression was he tested for aspergers? he seems to be completely vacant, zombified

More to do with the gaming, I'm sure?