Nervous breakdown.

Mojisola

paulineb wrote: »

Hes now staying away because he doesnt want to hear anything you have to say?

And he probably knows that you're sitting there, worrying and getting stressed.

I hope he's going to be sleeping on the couch or in the spare room tonight!

paddy's_mum

It seems to me that 'who-does-what-job-and-when is the least of aileth's problems. All the lists in the world won't alter the corrupt thinking within her husband's head. He could turn into Kim and Aggie's dream child but that won't restore her faith in him.

In the final analysis, it is his dishonesty (on every level that matters) and his contempt for aileth, her happiness and the health of the marriage, that destroys trust.

Without trust, there is nothing.

Jox

He is who is he is, he won't/can't change unless he wants to.

When I had trouble with my OH a few years ago I did not tolerate it, I was prepared to leave the relationship and potentially lose everything I had and had worked hard for rather than be mistreated.

My OH must have evaluated whether he wanted me or wanted to behave badly and he chose me. He's been great since and when he does act up sometimes, I put my foot down! I will always have options for myself, I will not make excuses about family living too far, or my commute being too far. I would live in a grotty bedsit by myself rather than be unhappy in my home.

We cannot change others, only ourselves.

His behaviour is unacceptable to you, it is acceptable to him.

If you don't like the way he is, finish the relationship and retain your self-respect.

Having a man mistreat you, whether it is shouting at you, hitting you, not respecting you, not doing things for you, taking you for granted, cheating on you, not contributing financially - where ever the mistreatment is on the "bad OH spectrum" is damaging to your self-esteem.

You cannot nag him into being a better partner.

BitterAndTwisted

I'd be minded to double-lock the doors, leave him a note telling him to sling his hook and go to bed.

He's a waste of space and will not change. You can but he obviously can't. Or rather, won't. Sod him!

thorsoak

Long ago, I realised that I cannot change anyone

What I can do, is change my attitude towards that person - if that person meant enough to me. If not, I could chose to let that person leave my life - or even chuck 'em out of it if it got to that stage!

Good luck.

marisco_2

aileth wrote: »

I'm at my desk at work and literally holding back bursting into tears. I'm literally on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

No relationship worth being in leaves you feeling like this aileth. You are with a 30 year old man happy and content to behave like a teenager. He seems to be confusing you for his mother there to meet his every need, rather than his wife who he should be in an equal partnership with. I think a frank and open discussion between you two is well overdue.

paulineb_2

Also, please dont ever think this is just something that doesnt matter. I knew for years I was miserable in my last relationship, it was horribly destructive, but the longer you stay you think, Ive invested so much in this and then I had a light bulb moment and that was when we went to London for a weekend, came back and it took him a week to phone me, which he rarely did. That was the last straw moment for me.

I see the good in people, its my downfall, I make excuses for people, I convince myself that someones behaviour isnt really that bad when it is, and my ex had a rough life as well, but my family have also had testing times and I didnt treat people the way he did

Dont make excuses for him, its not acceptable for you to be treated like this. It can be really tough when you realise, someone really does not care about you. Every time I tried to leave, my ex did just enough to keep me there, then I realised token gestures werent enough. On a day to day basis, he did not value me or respect me

And dare I say it, you may well end up having a full nervous breakdown if you stay, your mental health comes first.

Watto30

[/QUOTE]I said I'm not, but if I don't ask him to do anything, nothing will ever get done. I said to him if I didn't cook, he'd starve. If I didn't wash, he'd smell more. If I didn't remind him to shower, he'd stink EVEN more. If I didn't remind him to cut the grass, it'd turn into a jungle. If I didn't remind him to get petrol (I forgot about this), he would end up stranded somewhere - this has happened multiple times btw and I have to check the fuel when we get in of a morning, sometimes I've got in and it's been running on fumes because he's 'not noticed.' That if I didn't organise the MOT and service, he would get the car taken off him because he would never thinkg to do it.... well lets just say the list goes on [/QUOTE]


Hi Aileth, I have not had a chance to read all of the thread and must admit with the bits I have read I was nearly shouting leave the lazy, lying b.....d from the rooftops but something about this bit of your post above makes me wonder if there are a few more things at play here, dont want to frighten or suggest things that might not be there but for someone who when you first met was full of life and looked after himself this is more than just being a lazy git, forgetting to fuel a car and then getting stranded not just once but numerous times is not normal behaviour of someone who is depressed or cant be bothered,neither is not washing or having to be reminded about everything including a simple task like eating, is there any chance that he could be on drugs at all? or any health concerns? certain conditions can really affect a persons behaviour etc, hope I am wrong but was just a thought.


Its very hard to see the wood for the trees when in a situation but you sound like a lovely person and you deserve happiness and respect, look after yourself x

paulineb_2

Yet he can go to work without any problems?

Blackpool_Saver

What is his work? and how does he manage that? apologies if already answered...