Nervous breakdown.

lostinrates

kelpie35 wrote: »

Aileth I think you need to sit down tonight and let him know just how upset you are.

You need to make a list of all the urgent jobs that need doing now or in the next few days.

Then you need to let him know that if they are not done he will have to move out or you will be moving out.............then follow that through.

I think you might have given him too many excuses in the past but you now need to stand your ground.

You are the one who is feeling ill just now and who is going to look after you?

I have to agree with you that I think he is using the depression as an excuse.

If he was that depressed how can he manage to concentrate on computer game and wanting to eat out tonight.

Sorry if you don't like what I have posted but the only person that can change things is yourself.

The part in bold is really very important, IMO. Just because one has illness of any sort doesn't mean the other doesn't need support too.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

Yes, I've told him he acts like a 13 year old teenage throwing a tantrum because mummy wants him to clean his room instead of playing video games more than once.

I've got home and he hasn't touched the kitchen and has apparently spent eight hours installing a hard wired Internet cable and taking a microwave to the tip. I bloody despair.

Does your husband work from home?

Hes making his choices, kitchen second, internet cable first, its time you made a few of your own

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

aileth wrote: »

Yes, I've told him he acts like a 13 year old teenage throwing a tantrum because mummy wants him to clean his room instead of playing video games more than once.

I've got home and he hasn't touched the kitchen and has apparently spent eight hours installing a hard wired Internet cable and taking a microwave to the tip. I bloody despair.

There's his answer to your email then - he's saying '**** you, Aileth'. But not actually got the balls to say it to your face.



That metaphorical dumpster's still outside the window...

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

Does your husband work from home?

Hes making his choices, kitchen second, internet cable first, its time you made a few of your own

No, he had today off and he has tomorrow too.

thorsoak

aileth wrote: »

No, he had today off and he has tomorrow too.[/QUOTE


So have you left him a list of jobs that need his attention? Or are you expecting him to use his initiative?

What do you intend to do if, when you get home later this afternoon, he has not showered or done any of the outstanding jobs?

paulineb_2

You really shouldnt need to be writing lists for a 30 year old man to do chores in the house he lives in. He knows fine well that you are upset, he just doesnt want to do anything to change things. That would involve him making some effort.

pops5588

The bottom line, aileth, is that you have found yourself in a marriage where your OH is comfortable with you feeling that your happiness is less valuable than his. This is not normal or healthy. Nobody is perfect!! And you are not demanding perfection from him. Just what is reasonable, and he clearly doesn't even think you are worth that. Well he is wrong!!!

And i'm sorry if this is horrible of me, but he is not depressed. He is comfortable. I have suffered with depression on and off for years and you know what? I still get off my !!!! and pay my bills. I do the cooking, I do the washing, I arrange the food shop as well as our monthly budgets and yes i'm knackered and sometimes I feel low but I am a bl**dy adult and that is just what you do. You get out of bed and you keep going. It's what you've been doing, or hasn't he noticed??

I completely get that you're scared. The idea of losing something/someone that has become second-nature to you is definitely terrifying. But if it does come to that, I promise you it does end up being ok. I remember after Mum's marriage ended, she was an absolute shell of a human being after going through 17 years of emotional abuse and control. Even though it was just over 10 years ago I remember clear as day the first time she managed to fill the car with petrol herself . She was so genuinely pleased and happy with herself every day there were little battles that she came across and managed to deal with one by one. It gets better and it heals.

aileth

thorsoak wrote: »

aileth wrote: »

No, he had today off and he has tomorrow too.[/QUOTE


So have you left him a list of jobs that need his attention? Or are you expecting him to use his initiative?

What do you intend to do if, when you get home later this afternoon, he has not showered or done any of the outstanding jobs?

I had asked him to take things to the tip. There was a table, microwave and some cardboard. He had loaded the car with the table and microwave, I asked him why not the cardboard, he said hell put that out with the bin, I asked why it hasn't been put out with the bin before (I didn't think it could due to size), and literally had to coerce/force him into taking it.

He's done that then bunged a cable in. I can see it now and it's literally a 30 minute job, he's literally just connected the cable to the PC, no 'installation', and he's put the cable in at least two tripping up points and two doors can't close properly now.

The kitchen is the same as it was this morning and the garden is stills state, so essentially he's done the thing I've asked him, done the cable, then thought there's nothing else to do because I haven't mentioned it and gone on the computer for hours.

I don't know if he's had a shower yet.

paddy's_mum

Aileth - I think the man has serious mental health issues already - or he is completely amoral!

Your email should have scared the bejesus out of him. It hasn't. Now ask yourself why he isn't terrified of losing the person he says he loves. Ask yourself what his actions have told you.

Then ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life living with a man who will eventually destroy you.

paulineb_2

I think he probably thinks you will cool down in a day or two.

Id like to ask, what are the good qualities he has and what positives are there in your relationship?