Nervous breakdown.

paulineb_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Aileth - I think the man has serious mental health issues already - or he is completely amoral!

Your email should have scared the bejesus out of him. It hasn't. Now ask yourself why he isn't terrified of losing the person he says he loves. Ask yourself what his actions have told you.

Then ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life living with a man who will eventually destroy you.

Or hes completely bone idle.

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

I think he probably thinks you will cool down in a day or two.

Id like to ask, what are the good qualities he has and what positives are there in your relationship?

All I can think is that he's very sweet sometimes. That's literally the only thing that's come to mind. It might be because I am pure raging right now though.

paddy's_mum

paulineb wrote: »

Or hes completely bone idle.

I agree but I also think that when someone is so utterly determined to destroy their own comfortable little nest/sanctuary/relationship/call-it-what-you-will, they've got to have a screw somewhat loose, don't you think?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

aileth wrote: »

All I can think is that he's very sweet sometimes. That's literally the only thing that's come to mind. It might be because I am pure raging right now though.

No.


He can be sweet because it makes you soften and go back to being a good little mummy to her ickle baby boy.

aliasojo

aileth wrote: »

He suggested we meet for a meal in a restaurant tonight, which I declined because that's too public for such what I consider intimate matters.

I'm sure I've missed some things off!

Aileth, OH and I saw a marriage guidance counsellor years ago.

One of the things that was suggested was to go out for a meal to discuss things.

The theory was that a) we would have to remain civil and polite since we were in a public place therefore less likely to slag each other off or start to shout and we'd be more likely to actually discuss.....and b) it was meant to remove you from the usual surroundings that you feel the issues in iyswim?

I know you're angry right now, but it would do no harm to consider this. Unless of course you've definitely decided to split.

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

The part in bold is really very important, IMO. Just because one has illness of any sort doesn't mean the other doesn't need support too.

^^^ Agreed.

LannieDuck wrote: »

If he doesn't want to be given a list of things to do, why not suggest he writes a list of chores for you both and divides it up between you. It would be interesting to see what he thinks a fair division of labour is.

Tell him you'll give him a week to see if he sticks to the list that he's created, and if at the end of the week he's still expecting you to do his half of the chores as well as your own, you'll want him to stay with friends/family for a while whilst you consider whether the relationship can work.

A very sensible suggestion (again) LannieDuck!

LannieDuck

tayforth wrote: »

A very sensible suggestion (again) LannieDuck!

lol - it's only because I'm bored at work

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

All I can think is that he's very sweet sometimes. That's literally the only thing that's come to mind. It might be because I am pure raging right now though.

I'll tell you what killed off my relationship with that guy I was with for 7 years. Resentment. I didnt even want to break breath to him by the end, theres only so much indifference you can be treated with before you start to have negative feelings for someone which dont go away.

I spent a long time angry and I didnt really like myself by the end much either. Resentment is a horrible emotion, but thats what you end up feeling, because someone wont change their behaviour towards you.

My ex could have, he just couldnt be bothered, his priorities were everything else apart from me and computer games also played a big part in destroying it, because he spent so long playing them, with friends or on his own, that he had no time for me.

8 years on, hes probably still sitting in his flat on his tod listening to the bleeps of the super mario brothers.

tayforth

aileth - of course he can be nice sometimes, everyone has some niceness in them. Even if it's reserved for the times when his back is against the wall and you're REALLY p*ssed off.

Sounds as if he's done F-all today apart from putting cables where you can trip over them!

What do you want to do next? Take away his console(s)? Talk? Show him your direct debit printouts? Ask him to give you space for a few days and go to his parents' house?

I think that you're holding it together remarkably well, and I'm glad for your sake that you've given voice to your frustrations - both here and to him.

Also, I meant to say - you're not weak for being afraid of the possibility of living alone in your house. I admire you for admitting it. There are SO many things that occur to us when we're seeking solutions, and you're doing well to examine them. So don't feel ashamed in any way about that.

meer53

OP, you need to tell him that you're leaving him if things don't improve. If nothing changes, get an estate agent round, best day would be when he's home playing his games.