Nervous breakdown.

justme111

Aileth , cudos for being honest about your motives for staying. Your choice , as ong as you know why . Good luck with it all , would been great if you manage it with him of course.
Ps. He should not be asking "what can I do to prove I change" . He should see himself what needs doing /can be done , it has to be his initiative otherwise its just part of the same story , just the child is well behaved for now.

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

Ive no idea either, I was last in a relationship when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I would absolutely hope not, particularly if its in his name and his name only.

Unfortunately, it's not. His account is a joint account. This is going to sound awful, but I made him get a joint account attached to me so that I could see it on my internet banking and transfer him bail-out money easier, after all his lies about finances came out (e.g. signing up for an internet dongle costing £60 a month so he could get a free laptop which he then hid at work and I had no idea). He racked up loads of debt, so I made him get the joint account.

Didn't help much as he then transferred his balance from his credit card to a 0% for 18 months card to help 'pay it off' and simply increased the debt again on his old credit card behind my back.

neneromanova

tea_lover wrote: »

How do things stand with regards to one person's overdraft when you're married? Will OP be responsible for his debt? I genuinely have no idea btw, just wondered.

Any Debt in his sole name is his problem, just like any debt that is OP's is hers, but if they're joint debts then it's both. Same with Credit cards. The main card holder is the one who owns the debt. The additional card holder doesn't get any of the debt (I know this from my ex, I could have been really mean and racked debt up on it)

paddy's_mum

aileth wrote: »

I think I have been very naive really

There's no shame in that, aileth.

You're just one more in the millions of women the world over who have loved and trusted and had it all taken for granted by some selfish git who can't see any wrong in what they are doing.

Mojisola

paddy's_mum wrote: »

You're just one more in the millions of women the world over who have loved and trusted and had it all taken for granted by some selfish git who can't see any wrong in what they are doing.

Not just women - there are plenty of men in the same position.

paddy's_mum

aileth wrote: »

after all his lies about finances came out (e.g. signing up for an internet dongle costing £60 a month so he could get a free laptop which he then hid at work and I had no idea). He racked up loads of debt, so I made him get the joint account.

Didn't help much as he then transferred his balance from his credit card to a 0% for 18 months card to help 'pay it off' and simply increased the debt again on his old credit card behind my back.

Could you take a minute and just remind me where I can find your list of all the wonderful things about him?

aileth

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Could you take a minute and just remind me where I can find your list of all the wonderful things about him?

I'll let you know when I find it.

lostinrates

aileth wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

And Paulineb, I know, I can't help worrying about it. I think I have been very naive really. I can't believe I didn't notice there was such a discrepency before, and I just thought I'd pay my dad back because, well, he's my dad. I know it doesn't work like that but that's what I thought when I started doing it.

If you didn't notice this discrepency and you are the one who is being sensible about money then I think you have to accept you've both been a bit rubbish about this, not just him.

Good luck talking this through.

paddy's_mum

Mojisola wrote: »

Not just women - there are plenty of men in the same position.

True but I'd have looked an idiot if I had written -

Don't worry aileth - you're just one of many men ... when I know that he is a she!

aileth

lostinrates wrote: »

If you didn't notice this discrepency and you are the one who is being sensible about money then I think you have to accept you've both been a bit rubbish about this, not just him.

Good luck talking this through.

Yep, I totally know I have been. I can't believe I haven't noticed. When I say I'm the one in charge of money, I only make sure no accounts are in the red each month and warn him when he's going to start incurring charges. Things should've been rejigged and recalculated when we bought the car and house, but I think it was all a bit of a whirlwind really.

I was paying more when we were in rented accomodation as then he was earning about £10,000 less a year than me. However, just before we moved into the new house, he got a new, MUCH higher paid job, and maybe is £1,000-1,500 a year less than me. It just never struck me to recalculate then.