Nervous breakdown.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

I've told him I have no interest going to a restaurant as I don't want, and I'm sure he doesn't, half of the city finding out what a scumbag he has been. It might clear the restaurant out if they hear sometimes he doesn't shower for a week.

I've calculated all of the outgoings and have written down exactly what he should be transferring to me each month. I'm worrying now though as it's going to make him very broke what with his overdraft.

He even said to me that he's always thought we were splitting half. That shows how much he checks his finances. The last time we did a proper halfway split was almost three years ago when we lived in rented accomodation. He has had no idea that I've been paying 75% of the household for almost three years.

Well, its about time you told him. Seriously, what I get from reading your threads is how put upon you are and also how much you love him. Thats also ok.

But take it from me. I spent 7 long years with someone and convinced myself that he wasnt that bad. He was that bad and deep down I knew it, I was just too scared to face it. God knows why, because being with him was misery and being on my own has been fine.

And I know its different when you have married someone, you want it to work, youve invested a lot in the relationship

He just sounds like a childish, self centered idiot who doesnt know when hes onto a good thing and unless theres a dramatic turn around, the signs arent good

Btw, my brother is 34, he lives with someone, hes by no means perfect, but he can cook, shop, clean, pay bills and work full time and work extra hours in his own business outside that full time job.
Hes capable, your husband is also capable, he just doesnt want to do it.

No one sat down and taught me how to manage a flat when I left home and I did make a few mistakes along the way but I manage ok.

I also know depression is tough, but even in my worst times, I still did enough to keep a roof over my head.

I really think you have your work cut out and if he doesnt sort himself out, choices are leave, or resign yourself to this life. And theres nothing worse than being made to feel you are a nag when all you want is someone to do their share.

CRANKY40

aileth wrote: »

I've calculated all of the outgoings and have written down exactly what he should be transferring to me each month. I'm worrying now though as it's going to make him very broke what with his overdraft.

Behave yourself. Has he been worried that you've had less to spend for the last three years while you've been paying so much extra?

aileth wrote: »

He even said to me that he's always thought we were splitting half. That shows how much he checks his finances. The last time we did a proper halfway split was almost three years ago when we lived in rented accomodation. He has had no idea that I've been paying 75% of the household for almost three years.

No he didn't. He couldn't possibly have thought that or he would have noticed that he had much, much less available cash to spend. What he did think was that he was getting away with it. Which he isn't any more.

carrielovesfanta

I'm really sorry to hear that my ex has clearly managed to date and marry so many people :eek:

OP, I can't offer you much advice but *hugs*

From experience of my ex and other blokes, the no showering is the real tell tale sign to leave. Quickly.

aileth

carrielovesfanta wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear that my ex has clearly managed to date and marry so many people :eek:

:rotfl: He seems to have gotten around, going by Pingufan!

pingufan

carrielovesfanta wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear that my ex has clearly managed to date and marry so many people :eek:

OP, I can't offer you much advice but *hugs*

From experience of my ex and other blokes, the no showering is the real tell tale sign to leave. Quickly.

Yes, I must have married him too!

Why is it they don't shower? WHY?

Another memory is of him scooting out of bed (again with no clothes on) and leaving a lovely brown streak across my nice clean bed.

Utter pig.

paulineb_2

I think when you get to the stage you have, you know. You just need the courage to end something that isnt working.

He may have an amazing turnaround and step up to the plate but for gods sake stop bailing him out financially. Who cares about his overdraft, his issue.

He starts paying for half the groceries at least and as someone else has said, why are you paying the money back your dad lent you for the wedding.

That should be paid back jointly, its ridiculous.

tea_lover

paulineb wrote: »

And theres nothing worse than being made to feel you are a nag when all you want is someone to do their share.

This is so true. We have moments like this in our house. Nothing on the same scale as the OP (and others) and OH is very good with personal hygiene thank goodness! But his idea of a fair distribution of household tasks is certainly skewed, and it's horrible feeling like I'm nagging when I just want him to put the washing on occasionally.

aileth

pingufan wrote: »

Yes, I must have married him too!

Why is it they don't shower? WHY?

Another memory is of him scooting out of bed (again with no clothes on) and leaving a lovely brown streak across my nice clean bed.

Utter pig.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

And Paulineb, I know, I can't help worrying about it. I think I have been very naive really. I can't believe I didn't notice there was such a discrepency before, and I just thought I'd pay my dad back because, well, he's my dad. I know it doesn't work like that but that's what I thought when I started doing it.

tea_lover

paulineb wrote: »

Who cares about his overdraft, his issue.

How do things stand with regards to one person's overdraft when you're married? Will OP be responsible for his debt? I genuinely have no idea btw, just wondered.

paulineb_2

tea_lover wrote: »

How do things stand with regards to one person's overdraft when you're married? Will OP be responsible for his debt? I genuinely have no idea btw, just wondered.

Ive no idea either, I was last in a relationship when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I would absolutely hope not, particularly if its in his name and his name only.