Asking out a girl who I work with?

Bazey

If I really fancied someone at work and thought she was potentially the "one" I would consult a bunch of morons from the internet. They could give me exaggerated tales of where this has happened and gone horribly wrong, I'd go off the idea of asking her out and remain single and lonely in the hope I have kept the internet morons happy by taking their unsound advice.

benb76

Bazey wrote: »

If I really fancied someone at work and thought she was potentially the "one" I would consult a bunch of morons from the internet. They could give me exaggerated tales of where this has happened and gone horribly wrong, I'd go off the idea of asking her out and remain single and lonely in the hope I have kept the internet morons happy by taking their unsound advice.

This. There'll always be !!!!!!. !!!!!! will never cause a situation at work or cheat on you with your boss.

Gloomendoom

benb76 wrote: »

This. There'll always be !!!!!!. !!!!!! will never cause a situation at work or cheat on you with your boss.

As a bloke that used to work here will confirm, !!!!!! can most definitely cause a situation at work.

shegirl

benb76 wrote: »

A very important question: have you struck up a friendship with this girl? If so, I can tell you that you've already been compartmentalised in her friend-zone and have got very little chance of any romantic involvement.

If you haven't had much interaction then you're still in with a shout. Be flirty with her when you get the chance for a day or 2 - do not drag this out - and then say 'are you free on day x evening? We should go out for a drink together'. It's that simple. If she's not single she'll let you know, and if she doesn't fancy you she'll turn you down. Either way, she'll be flattered at being asked and will have a nice feeling all day - nothing to be embarrassed about.

The only time getting turned down causes awkwardness is if you have known someone for months already and she has already friend-zoned you. Don't let that happen; act quickly and decisively. This shows confidence in a man and is attractive to women.

Rubbish.

Women don't always friend zone the way men apparently do.Infact,most of my female friends (and myself before I became single) were friends with their ohs/husbands first.Many women see that as the ideal.

fake_smile

Perhaps mention that you've had a terrible day and fancy a drink after work to destress, suggest she joins you?

scheming_gypsy

shegirl wrote: »

Rubbish.

Women don't always friend zone the way men apparently do.Infact,most of my female friends (and myself before I became single) were friends with their ohs/husbands first.Many women see that as the ideal.

I started to agree with you then changed my mind.

I agree on the 'rubbish' part as she's only been there a month and they only work together - so not enough time or socialising to be friend zoned.

Disagree on the last part. women are the worst for friend zoning! men either have women we want to sleep with and women we're friendly with but we don't flirt or use the women we're friendly with. That's what you women do with your friend zoned men.

partialycloudy

I met my Husband at work, been together 7 years this year.
We started off as friends first, mainly cos I had a boyfriend when we first met. But then when I became single again we got bit closer, with a bit of flirting.
Working together was never really a problem for us, we kept it between ourselves for a while to make sure it was more then a few weeks thing.

Just test the water with a bit of friendly chat and then build on that.

benb76

shegirl wrote: »

Rubbish.

Women don't always friend zone the way men apparently do.Infact,most of my female friends (and myself before I became single) were friends with their ohs/husbands first.Many women see that as the ideal.

Absolute rubbish; men do not friend-zone at all. Straight men fancy their female friends.

Alikay

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

men either have women we want to sleep with and women we're friendly with but we don't flirt or use the women we're friendly with. That's what you women do with your friend zoned men.

No, that's only what we do with friend zoned men we totally-don't-and-never-would-in-a-million-years fancy: The creepy ones, the slightly weird ones, the wimpy, geeky ones (unless we're the type who love wimpy geeky guys!). There have been plenty of threads on here from women who've fallen for long-time male friends!

But since the op and the lady in question have met up at work, the usual way of proceeding would be to get to know her really really well before making a move. "Pulling" might work in a nightclub or coffee bar, but there's a whole different etiquette within the workplace.

benb76

fake_smile wrote: »

Perhaps mention that you've had a terrible day and fancy a drink after work to destress, suggest she joins you?

A bad idea. This invite is framed as a friendly drink after work and doesn't imply any romantic interest. It's a one way ticket to the friend-zone.

You don't need to find an excuse to ask someone out that you fancy. Just ask them out.