The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

isla_red

time2deal wrote: »

Yes, it is something that makes infertility a 'real' illness. People understand cancer, but they don't really understand infertility. There is a feeling I think that you are just being silly or impatient. And then you don't really want to say actually it's my tubes, or his sperm, or some other uncomfortable gynae/mens bits issue.

Sorry, all a bit negative there for a moment!

Not negative at all, it's the absolute reality of what it's like. It's why I thank my lucky stars that I found this thread and know that you all get it. I don't think I can take any more well-intentioned advice and try as I might not to feel inadequate and envious the two people who told me they were pregnant "when we weren't even trying, imagine!" over Christmas just make me feel even more isolated.

Okay, that last bit was negative :rotfl: I'll be sending lots of fertilisation vibes your way, who needs an eggy dance? I don't think there is a dance to speed up smear results...now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write :rotfl:

Hi Wonder_Woman hope your next cycle is the one for you

Whattodonow

Regarding telling people it was a huge relief when I told friends and family.

But now I feel massively let down. A lot of people know we're having treatment at the moment. No one has asked me for weeks how it's going, how I am, etc etc. no one knows I'm in hospital tomorrow for EC because no one ever asks me what's going on. I don't want to be on the top of everyone's list and I understand people have their own lives but just a text once in a while might be nice! Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I'm getting married next year and I'm wondering why I'm having a big palaver when none of these people really care about us. I'm thinking of callin it all off, and just me and OH going off on our own and doing it.

Self-indulgent rant over! I'm hoping my terrible mood is due to these hormones and I'll feel better soon!

Whattodonow

Hugs WW. Good luck for cycle number two xx

tea_lover

Re. work, I didn't say anything last time and it was a real stress. Due to a complicated (and v boring) work faff I was technically temping at the company I've worked for for 6+ years which just added to the mess. A round-trip to the hospital just for a scan and blood test is a minimum 1hr30 (and often a lot more). I found the logistics of it just as hard as the other aspects.

When I had the m/c I did tell my boss as I'd just been offered another permanent job with the company and things were up in the air again. To be fair she was great about it all and I'm glad she knows we'll shortly be trying again. It will still be a faff trying to fit appts in but we do have flexitime (to some extent) and she knows I'll make the time up. It's easier knowing I don't have to make an excuse for every single appt - I can just say that I'll be going to the hospital three times this week (or whatever it is) and I'll work around the hours.

My boss is an ex-midwife though which can be handy, but I think to some extent there is an element of 'just relax and it will happen' there still!

Last time my family knew (parents and sister) but I won't be saying anything to them this time. Have mixed feelings about this. My sister totally means well but she was a bit 'any news' about it last time, iyswim. I know she was gutted about the m/c but she's never mentioned it since. It feels a bit like she was only interested if there was going to be a baby, not about how it actually makes me feel. That's a bit rambling, and probably a bit unfair, but hey ho - if we learn anything from infertility it's that we do what we can to protect ourselves emotionally. I did mention to my mum that we'd be trying again (and the drugs will be delivered to her house) but again, she's not really showing any signs of interest and it's annoying me a bit.

I know I'm being unfair - we're a v close family, I know they love me and OH lots and are heartbroken for us and just don't know what to say. I just can't help feeling a teeny bit let down. Also, I still feel bad about getting their hopes up last time and then having to tell them it had gone wrong.

Oh my goodness I have written an absolute essay! Sorry about that.... quite helpful to get it all out.

Big hugs to you all, am still dancing away.... the standard egg dance with a few fertilisation fleckles thrown in

frozenpenguin

Peonie – great news! I’ve always thought 13 is a lucky number (I was born on the 13th) so fingers crossed it’s lucky for you xx

Time2deal and Peonie – hope it’s eggcellent news for both of you today as well xx

Part Mouse – I agree with what everyone has said – it’s completely unacceptable and there’s absolutely no circumstances where what the GP said to you would be okay. Definitely complain!

codemonkey – good luck with your DH’s appointment today xx

whattodonow – huge amounts of good luck for tomorrow! xx

isla - my boss knows what’s going on, when I had my HSG last March I said I had an outpatients thingy and she asked if everything was okay. I work in an office with 7 other ladies: 5 of them know what’s going on (one of them is my best friend anyway) and 2 don’t, although it’s only my best friend and the boss who know all the dates of everything. Luckily the organisation I work for is quite a large onea nd they have a ‘time off for IVF’ policy which gives you 5 paid days off plus whatever is needed for doctors appointments. One of the girls in my office actually had IVF in 2012 and my boss gave here whatever she needed so the boss can’t really do anything differently for me!

SewIt/Fairy – I was tempted to stick post it notes all around the house saying ‘It’s the drugs talking’ just in case I feel down/depressed/like murdering DH . :mad: At the moment, I don’t feel too bad (I’m only on my fourth day of DR-ing though), had a couple of small headaches but nothing else yet thankfully. How are you two doing?

Hugs to everyone xxx

tea_lover

I've finally got round to asking HR if there's a fertility treatment policy. Said I'd been asked to find out (ha, like that's not at all transparent!) I work in occ health so am hoping they might believe someone else has asked me about it.

I did find a gender reassignment policy on the intranet... kind of impressed! Am guessing IVF is more common among the workforce than gender reassignment so fingers crossed there's a policy.

I don't think I'll have any problems with my boss, and I've got a full years annual leave.... but it would be nice what parts (if any) can be taken as sick leave or similar. I was ill between EC and ET last time and don't really want to have to take that as holiday if I can help it.

time2deal

News!

We have 5 little fighters still going this morning. Seems one of my 9 eggs wasn't a real egg (who knows what it was), and one didn't survive the injection procedure. So 7 were put in the incubators last night, and 5 look good now.

God, how stressful was that call! Didn't help that it dropped out just as she said 'we injected 8 and...'

No more news until Saturday. They leave them alone now, and will call me on Saturday when they have a look and I may do the transfer then or Monday. So I need to be ready to go on Saturday at 9am when they call.

Relief, stress, terror...

fluffnutter

time2deal wrote: »

News!

We have 5 little fighters still going this morning. Seems one of my 9 eggs wasn't a real egg (who knows what it was), and one didn't survive the injection procedure. So 7 were put in the incubators last night, and 5 look good now.

God, how stressful was that call! Didn't help that it dropped out just as she said 'we injected 8 and...'

No more news until Saturday. They leave them alone now, and will call me on Saturday when they have a look and I may do the transfer then or Monday. So I need to be ready to go on Saturday at 9am when they call.

Relief, stress, terror...

That's an excellent outcome and bodes well for the quality of your eggs

fluffnutter

tea_lover wrote: »

I've finally got round to asking HR if there's a fertility treatment policy. Said I'd been asked to find out (ha, like that's not at all transparent!) I work in occ health so am hoping they might believe someone else has asked me about it.

I did find a gender reassignment policy on the intranet... kind of impressed! Am guessing IVF is more common among the workforce than gender reassignment so fingers crossed there's a policy.

I don't think I'll have any problems with my boss, and I've got a full years annual leave.... but it would be nice what parts (if any) can be taken as sick leave or similar. I was ill between EC and ET last time and don't really want to have to take that as holiday if I can help it.

You never have the right to sick leave as such but you do to antenatal care. I believe that the protected rights to pregnancy-related time off, i.e. stipulated by law, come into affect from ET onwards. There was a test case some years ago. Probably worth a google though - things move fast in the world of fertility treatment.

tea_lover

Great news t2d Have everything crossed for your fabulous five x.

Fluff - I had heard that about after ET. Will have to do some more research, it's more the time off before then that concerns me slightly. Although tbh I hate this job so much if they get even slightly @rsey about it I'll be glad of the excuse to tell them to stick it.

ETA: it does seem that PUPO is a legal principle (who knew ) and you're protected from ET onwards. However, all that means in practice is you can't be discriminated against and are entitled to time off for appts.
Everything I've read does acknowledge that the process can make you ill though - so while you're not entitled to time off for the process, you can (obv) have the time off if you're ill. This includes illness through mental health issues such as stress and depression.

I'm v stressed with work anyway so can feel a month off coming on