The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

time2deal

isla_red wrote: »

I work in a tiny company with no flex time and my job means I'm not always based in one location. I have a good relationship with my boss and feel like they might be more supportive if they know what's going on.

Fertility treatment is not covered in our staff handbook at all so don't even know what I'm entitled to.

I only found out as we have a newly automated system, and there is a list of leave types. We generally only use it for holiday recording, but my boss had to learn how to use if when I went long term sick. Anyway, when I saw 'UK-Fertility Leave' I went looking for more detail. 42 hours a year apparently. An unexpected bonus.

I work for a big insurance company, and they have quite enlightened leave policies. For example, they give the same maternity leave (18 weeks @90% pay) for surrogacy and adoption too.

isla_red

That is an unexpected bonus. I could only find one line in my stuff and one section implied that fertility treatment is elective so some of my sick pay might not apply. I think I need to find time to chat to my boss about it. There's no point worrying myself more when I can just talk to her but it's a huge step for me. I haven't told anyone (except you guys! ) that we have reached the top of the list for treatment. I'm so wary of the pressure.

SewIt_2

I told my boss, but only cause the last round didn't work and I was in bits. He was very supportive. It's not been mentioned since, which suits me fine to be honest! I've not told anyone we are going again, work or private life.

T2D - eggselent work! Sorry terrible play on words, but seriously well done lady, you are brill! Glad you enjoyed your rest, you deserve it.

Peonie - egg-tastic! Well done. No wonder you were tender!

WTDN - did they give you a date for ec? Great follie growing!

Tea - your egg dance is obviously working, can you do a wee shimmy every now and then for me please?!

PM - shocking, I am outraged on your behalf! Get on the web and find a new dr and FS right now!

Frozen/fairy - hi cycle buddies! Hope treatment is going well. I'm DR for two weeks this time (was 3 last time). The DR blues are kicking in a wee bit, just trying to remember it's not me, it's the drugs.

Isla - my work has no policy either. I'm lucky that most appointments are before work but I will take some AL around EC/ET time.

Can't remember who asked but I'm doing acupuncture and have some relaxation downloads from a website called catching rainbows fertility. A wee bit arty farty but seems to relax me.

Hi Code/RG/TACCOD/Chickpea and anyone else I've missed.

XX

Rowingirl

Fantastic T2D & Peonie, sending you both lots of fertilisation vibes.

Code I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

TCD how frustrating. Totally understand why you don't want to test. I hate the bk00dy things

time2deal

I didn't tell anyone when we were starting in 2012. I can't remember how I managed to arrange appointments as I certainly hadn't told my boss. Maybe long lunches racing across town.

I've said this before, but telling people is a huge pressure release. Most people are supportive, and if they aren't then at least you know not to mention it further. Having said that, I've not told many people about this cycle as I was such a mess after the last one, and I don't need the silent pressure of people waiting for good news! Only my Mum and sister (and boss) know this cycle is going on.

I let DH know too, couldn't get away from that.

isla_red

I was planning to manage the appointments but so far all of them have hit smack in the middle of the afternoon or morning. I thought about using a/l but I fear I'll max it out at this rate.

Only DH, and you lovelies, know we are any where near treatment. I was going to tell a friend but she has two kids and gave me the "When you just relax, it'll happen" talk over Christmas and I can't face it now. I know that sounds so petty but I don't feel I can turn to her for support when she knew we were on the wait list but still tells me "When it's your turn, it's your turn"!

time2deal

That's what makes it so hard. The fact that people just say 'oh you should relax'. They really don't get that it's not just that we are all too stupid to work out when to have sex! I've had people tell me to just put my legs up after sex and it will be sorted.
One advantage of cancer is that no-one suggests that anymore! It's hard to express, but in a weird way the cancer made it easier for people to understand the infertility. They mainly assume it's been caused by the treatment, but actually we had problems already.

isla_red

Oh that's where I'm going wrong! I'll just pop my legs up and it'll be job done. If only someone had told me 3 years ago...!

I think people just don't know how to cope with it because it's not something you can "fix" as such. For you I guess it gives them something that they can hang it on so to speak. I know it's silly but I just wish it was easier.

time2deal

isla_red wrote: »

Oh that's where I'm going wrong! I'll just pop my legs up and it'll be job done. If only someone had told me 3 years ago...!

Exactly! You can thank me for this pearl of wisdom when you fall pregnant in a weeks time!

isla_red wrote: »

I think people just don't know how to cope with it because it's not something you can "fix" as such. For you I guess it gives them something that they can hang it on so to speak. I know it's silly but I just wish it was easier.

Yes, it is something that makes infertility a 'real' illness. People understand cancer, but they don't really understand infertility. There is a feeling I think that you are just being silly or impatient. And then you don't really want to say actually it's my tubes, or his sperm, or some other uncomfortable gynae/mens bits issue.

Sorry, all a bit negative there for a moment!

Wonder_Woman

Hi all,
I'm sorry I've been rubbish at posting. Failing our last cycle hit us much harder than we thought so have taken some time out to recover and focus on us for the sake of sanity. Had our review app. today though and will hopefully start another cycle in Feb/Mar. T2D please could I be added back to the list?
I was just wondering - does anyone here have any experience of egg sharing? Its a consideration now in order to preserve our savings for as many cycles as might be necessary! I'd really appreciate any advice/experience anyone can offer. I will catch up properly, I know there are lots of ladies having treatment at the moment and I'm wishing you all lots of success xxx